So That Only Joy Remains

The first full week of work after staycation. Ugh! I'm exhausted! The week was filled with things to do which, sadly, put me behind in my personal Bible study. Right now, for instance, I am still playing catch-up with some of my Easter meditations -- Matthew 28, to be specific.

Matthew records what the women witnessed as they came to the place where they expected Jesus to be entombed: fainting guards, a spectacularly arrayed angel (When you're staycationing in sweats, you're dressed -- sort of. When you're glowing brilliant alabaster, you're arrayed, by the way.) and a very empty tomb. The angel gives them the glorious news that Jesus is risen as He promised, and urges them to verify -- make absolutely certain of -- his message, before they go and tell the others. The angel also tells them, Jesus will meet them and the rest of the disciples in Galilee -- some 120 miles away, from what I read. "There you will see Him," the messenger promises. Matthew doesn't tell us whether the women did take a peek in the tomb or not, but two of the other Gospel writers do. Matthew simply says, "they went out quickly from the tomb with fear and great joy, and ran to bring His disciples word." They went quickly! They set off running! With a mixture of fear and great joy. 

Many times I have been overcome with joy as I've read or worshiped. "That is just so cool! Lord, that hit me right where it counts. I know I needed to hear that. Thank You for that word of encouragement (or wisdom, or reprimand, or whatever He sent that I may not have wanted but certainly needed). I can't wait to tell the others what You've done! I can't wait to get started on that project!" Joy! Joy! Joy! I am bold. I am convinced. I am filled with joy! But then it happens. Night falls, or days pass, or I head off to work, or I throw in a load of laundry -- whatever -- but, there's some sort of delay, and I don't hurry right off, or maybe I can't hurry right off to share or get started, and fear begins to speak. "Are you sure you heard that right? Why would He say that to you? You know you're not capable. You know you're just a nobody. Doesn't everybody think what they've experienced is special? I'm pretty sure every failure was built upon someone thinking they knew something big. Don't you remember the last time you thought you heard that? I would think you'd have learned by now..." And on and on it speaks. Before I know it, joy has gone and only fear remains.

It's sort of ironic, because, in the very next verse (v. 9), Matthew tells us that as the women were heading to tell the disciples Jesus was alive and planning to meet with them, Jesus appeared before them. Jesus met these women as they were going to deliver the promise of their meeting! Why? Seems a bit redundant. Well, maybe Jesus was just as excited to see them as they were to see Him. Maybe that angel had a history of getting messages a little confused. (I don't think so.) Or, maybe, time had passed and fear had begun to speak. "Did we really see that? Mary, no offense, but do you think the disciples will assume the evil spirits have come back? And what about you, Mary? You remember last week when you called Joses, by James's name instead? They teased you for days that you were starting to lose it. I know Jesus never made us feel like secondhand citizens, but what will Peter say? Sometimes he can be so harsh. Didn't I say we should have brought one of the men to help us with the stone? He could have verified our story." Fear. And the absence of joy. 

Jesus, I believe, wasn't about to stand back and allow them to allow fear to steal their joy. (That's right, we have to allow fear to speak to us and extinguish our fire.) He made an appearance and repeated the message to keep these women on track. He wanted them to be sure they saw what they saw, heard what they heard, and, as a result, followed through. God's message through the angel was to check the tomb and be sure He wasn't there. Jesus' message to the women was to know what they'd witnessed was real, and not let fear keep them from obedience. And not just obedience, but evangelizing! I don't know about you, but more than once, I've kept my mouth shut about Christ for fear I'd be thought nutty or annoying. Sure, obedience is important, but when fear keeps us from the obedience of proclaiming Jesus, it is a powerful tool in the hands of the devil. It not only keeps us believing a lie, but keeps others from the truth as well. But we have an all-knowing, loving Friend in Jesus who knows what we need when we need it, and will step in to deliver us from anything that will harm us. Including joy-stealing fear. 

Are You up to the Challenge?

Chances are, your Easter celebration was pretty different this year. Funny how the others can seem so dull until one like this comes along, one that keeps us from the ordinary. Americans, in particular, are a fickle bunch. We complain about the same ol' same ol', until things change. How many Easters or Christmases or birthdays have you celebrated? Chances are, you celebrate them in pretty much the same way with the same people. If you're like me, months before, you promise yourself you're going to "do things a little differently this year"; but as the day approaches, you seek comfort in familiar traditions. But familiar -- especially when it comes to our relationships -- can be dangerous. We can fall into a rut, allow the mundane to overshadow the extraordinary. And, in our relationship with the Lord, it can cause us to miss the message.

The other day, I was reading Matthew's account of Jesus' Resurrection. The Marys came to the tomb of Joseph of Arimathea on the first day of the week. Three days before, Jesus had been laid to rest there. And, praise God, He did not! When the women arrived, a great earthquake occurred, the stone to the tomb was rolled away from the opening, and an angel sat atop the stone. I've always loved the visual impact of that! To me, it just screams, "Victory!" Matthew describes the appearance of this angel, and says the menacing Roman guards "became like dead men." So, nobody in the grave, two dead-looking thugs outside the tomb, and the Marys dumbfounded (I would imagine) before this magnificent form. Loosely paraphrased, the angel says, "Relax, I know why you're here. You're looking for Jesus, but He is gone;" and, in case they misunderstood, the messenger clarifies: "He is risen just like He foretold." No doubt what that means! Resurrection! Proof everything Jesus promised is true and will be found true! Then the angel says, "Come see the place where the Lord lay. And go quickly and tell the others." Come and see! Don't just take my word for it; see for yourself! Come closer and make sure you know. There it is! The message! 

When I was about four years old, I heard about Hell. There aren't too many four-year olds who don't want to please their grown-ups, and I think, even fewer who, when confronted with the truth about Hell, would want to go there. My childish mind was persuaded to "accept Jesus into my heart." I had no idea what that meant. A grown-up told me I needed to pray and read my Bible, but I had no idea why. To please God, I guess. Unless it was to complete an assignment, I never cracked it open.

It was March 21, 1995. I'd just discovered my husband, at the time, had been unfaithful with a married woman. It was chaos. She and my husband were still working together; her husband had discovered the infidelity which began when our youngest was less than a month old. Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, I surrendered it all to Jesus and stopped crying. I wanted Him to change all this, and I knew I had to start reading the Scriptures for that to happen. But I still didn't know why. Blessing, I guess. But Lucky Charms are nothing more than cereal -- nine years later, we split up for good.

October 2004, alone with two children, I was as terrified as I was relieved, the nightmare was over. But I knew I needed Someone big to get me through it. Back on my face, talking to God again, and searching the Bible for wisdom, and strength, and whatever else I was gonna need to see this through, and suddenly (!) I didn't want to. I didn't want to "see it through." I didn't want to do the right thing or the next thing. I didn't want things to change. I wanted to change. I wanted transformation from the ground up! I wanted a relationship with my Father through His Son, my Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. I wanted peace and joy and victory -- not because I earned them, but because those things are found in Him! It suddenly made sense! And I wanted to see it, to experience it, to know it for myself. The Holy Spirit urged me, "Come and see; don't simply take My word for it. See for yourself!"

Psalm 34:8 says, "Taste and see that the Lord is good." Malachi 3:10 commands God's people to bring Him what He is due, saying, "Test Me in this, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out a blessing without measure!" God and His promises stand. His character is immutable and beyond reproach. His promises cannot be confuted or negated. That is the message! God is not afraid of legislation , or popular opinion, or time, or change, or familiarity. Quite the opposite! He issues a challenge:

"Come and see! Don't just take My word for it; see for yourself! Come closer and make sure you know."

Isolation, Temptation and Federation

So here we are, locked up for -- what? the last eight months. Maybe not, but I'm sure it can feel that way. I, however, am considered an "essential employee." Working in transportation, delivering compression socks and palm sanders and soundbars and air fryers and whatever else people order when they're sitting at home bored for weeks on end, is "essential." I don't like it. I was sick a couple of months back, I was sick last week, I have autoimmune issues to begin with, and the people I care for are particularly susceptible; they are depending on me to stay healthy and keep them safe. It might be a little easier if I could convince myself I am saving a life or making a difference toward containing this pandemic rather than spreading it. But that's where I am.

Then there are those who are, as I said, sitting at home. Bored. Unemployed. Unable to finish school among their friends. No meetings or end-of-the-year celebrations. Emotionally drained and socially shut down, they have had fights, meltdowns, and have, on occasion, engaged in bad behavior. These people have gone nuts!! I, an introvert -- and happily so -- am trying to relate. I am trying to help our youngest housemates put into words what they are thinking. I am trying to be sympathetic toward those stuck at home, those labelled "non-SNtial" or being forced to do schoolwork in their pajamas. I am trying to understand the strain on those saving on fuel, needing only to walk to the kitchen to get lunch from my refrigerator. I am trying to remember the agony of being bored and trying to care that my family members are upset because they are away from "real people." But that's where they are, and I have no clue what they are going through.

God is in all of this, and the Holy Spirit showed it to me in Hebrews 4:14-15: 

Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. (emphasis mine)

Our Friend, the Lover of our soul, our Creator, our Savior and King doesn't have to try. He gets it! He could not have been tempted to fear unless He was put in some pretty dicey circumstances. He would not have been tempted to stress out unless His future had been uncertain in some way. He would not have been tempted to lie or cheat unless He'd experienced a time in which things just weren't working out as He'd like. He would not have been tempted to take matters into His own hands unless He'd gone hungry. He knows our hearts, and all the emotions with which we are being confronted are ones that confronted Him as well. 

Imagine, going through your worst day ever. Eleven of your closest friends are with you. It would have been twelve, but one of them is waiting to hand you over to the authorities on not-even-thoughtfully-constructed bogus charges. You head to a quiet place and ask them to pray, specifically confessing to a few of them, you are "overwhelmed to the point of death." Repeatedly, you find them sleeping -- not watching or praying as you asked. You've done so much for them, given them so much. Your very life hangs in the balance, and your besties are sleepy, their stomachs full after a delicious dinner and a soothing foot wash. That, my friend, is alone. That is abandonment and upheaval. That is a poverty beyond empty pockets. That is stress and fear and -- yeah, He didn't. He was, I'm sure, tempted to bail, tempted to get in a disciple's face, tempted to point to Himself and cry out, "Does anyone care what I'm going through?" After He resisted Satan in the wilderness, the Bible tells us Satan would return "at a more opportune time." Wouldn't the Garden of Gethsemane have been one of those times? Do you think Satan didn't whisper, "Why does it have to be You? Why isn't He down here?" Do you think Satan didn't propose Jesus do it his way -- a way that wouldn't require Jesus endure all He did? "Merely pledge allegiance to me, the Father of Lies, and I will make this all go away." But Jesus turned His will over to the Father, saying effectively, "I do not want to go through this if possible, but ultimately, I will do Your will." He was pressed but He would not fear; He was abandoned by men, but trusted completely, His Father. He did not fight for His life; He laid it down, instead, and believed His Father's plan. 

This pandemic, whatever we are feeling, whatever our fears, He understands. Whether we are struggling with God's purpose for all of this, and our role in that, or struggling to make ends meet. Whether we have loved ones that have become ill, or loved ones who have refused to help us. Whether we are feeling more alone than ever before; whether the clutter and chaos of our overloaded living space is driving us nuts. Whether we don't know what we're supposed to believe, or we're terrified of what we've heard. Let us not follow or fall prey to the Adversary. Trust Jesus. He knows just what we're going through.

Observing Good Friday

How was your Good Friday? In quarantine, I believe, we have to be more intentional about things. Easy to remember what day it is when you have a specific schedule, or are counting the days to the weekend. But, when it's all a series of "same-days" it's difficult to feel any one of them is special above the others.

A church I attended years ago had a three-hour long service on Good Friday. Sounds a little "extra," doesn't it? As a child, I thought so. As I grew older, however, I looked forward to it. Seven laypersons in the church would each be assigned one of the phrases Jesus spoke as He hung on the cross; they would then do a fifteen minute devotional for their given phrase. In between each devotional would be a moment of silent meditation and a song or two. You were free to come and go as you pleased, providing you moved about quietly. The reverent attitude and peaceful contemplation of the day helped me stay on track with regard to the purpose in all of this: Christ's death, His great love for us, and the reason two-thousand year old history carries so much weight, even into the future.

Given current restrictions, I thought this year, most of all, I need to be intentional about how I spent Good Friday. Rising early, spending the dawn in prayer. fasting, taking some time in the middle of the day to meditate, sitting down to dinner with my family and sharing with them all the wonderful things God and I shared. Not. Even. A little bit.

I stayed up a bit later than usual on Thursday night. No early rising for me. By 6:30, light was streaming through our bedroom window and the pitter-patter of little feet was already beginning. As I made my way to the main floor, one of the basement-dwellers was on her way up. My goal is always to get those needing food immediately upon opening their eyes, some sort of snack to hold them over while I quietly sit close by studying and praying. It hasn't worked more than once in two years. Insanity? Could be. Before I could peel Number Two's banana, Number One had hers gone already. By the time I got back to Number One with her coffee, Number Three was entering the room looking pale and close to starvation. Number One and Two are ready for vitamins! Like juggling monkeys.

Then there was the load of laundry still sitting on the ottoman and waiting to be folded, the desserts that need to be started for Easter brunch; Mom's room had to be cleaned and it was time to get her dressed for the day. There was the small matter of some online banking and an email that had to be sent. Scott had an errand to run and, taking advantage of the other responsible hands we have helping out these days, asked me to spend the time with him. Something of a date to him; a two-hour appeasement, as far as I was concerned. It was more than three hours later, when we walked in the door. And -- oh, look at that! -- about time for dinner. The masses were famished. Make dinner, more prep for Sunday, "Gramma, will you play with me?" It occurred to me sometime between the pasta and the lemon bars, I'd never washed my face that morning.

In addition to all this, I hadn't fasted. I hadn't eaten, but I definitely hadn't fasted. The fasting I desired was more than simply skipping a few meals, I wanted to heighten my awareness of God's provision and presence in my life. I wanted to, each time I felt emptiness within my belly, seek the fullness of the Lord. By the time we sat down to dinner, I was just plain hangry. There was not a "right spirit" in it.

This sacred day was nearing its end, and I stepped into the shower. I was finally alone, finally getting the quiet for which I so desperately longed. And I began to whine to my King. "I just wanted to spend the time in prayer. I just wanted to take the day to remember how You love me, what You did for me. Instead, my entire day was spent catering to everyone but You. Today's focus should have been on You. All I did was serve, serve, serve." And His words came to me, not to my ears, but to my very soul:

"Isn't that what I was doing?"