Are You Listening?

I know there are people out there, people who can read and write while listening to music. I've heard of you. Your fame is known throughout all the land. I'm not entirely sure whether I admire you or question your humanity. I can't do it. Most of the people I know can't do it. Especially if said music contains words. However, just the other morning, I was listening to a classical piece --no words, of course --and I realized I was reading and comprehending, simultaneously. Strangely enough, I was reading an article about intentional Scripture study, specifically, not being a passive listener. I wrote the words in my journal: NOT A PASSIVE LISTENER. What I discovered, however, was that comprehension did not extend to the music. I could not tell you what movement we were in or what movement I last heard; I could not tell you the name of the piece. My connection with the music was completely non-existent. I was aware there was music, obviously, but I could not even promise you that sometime during my reading someone had not come in and substituted Dvorak's 7th Symphony with the theme from Love Story. When it came to the music, I was a passive (at best) listener.

Does this sum up your prayer life? Dear Jesus, thank You fo-- gotta wash the car, make a vet appointment, call the sitter... Or maybe it's a picture of the way you do church. Open your Bibles to Romans 8-- and suddenly the pastor's voice sounds more like Charlie Brown's teacher, and the only thing your brain seems to want to focus on is why Sister Moore has worn those same trousers three Sundays in a row. For some time, it was the way I studied Scripture. Page after page, Scripture after Scripture, but I was only consuming, not savoring, not meditating, not making much of anything permanent. My goal --completing this chapter, getting through this study --took precedence over what God was speaking to me. I don't have time to listen to that right now, God; I gotta get this done. I'll think about it as I'm driving to work. But, surely enough, those things I ignored I continued to ignore. So busy, busy.

So, what is the posture of an active listener? In Luke 10:38-42, we get a picture of the active listener in Mary, Martha and Lazarus' sister. While Martha is running about, multi-tasking, getting ready the food that will fill stomachs, Mary is seated at Jesus' feet looking for the food that will fill her heart. It says that while Mary was seated and presumably quiet before her Teacher, Martha was distracted. Sure, she had an ear to the goings-on in the family room; sure, she heard Jesus' voice, but she was distracted. The thing that had Martha's full attention was the serving. Mary heard the words of Jesus. What is implied by the Greek word used here, is that Mary continually listened; it was a focused, exclusive, anticipatory type of hearing, not an awareness of background noise to accompany her own thoughts. Martha lamented, her sister had left her to do the work. Mary removed herself physically from that which would have distracted her; she removed herself mentally from other things --she wasn't even thinking how much time was left on the leg of lamb; she abandoned her sister, not waiting around to see if her sister would put down the whisk and she, too, would have a seat; she left with no regard to natural consequences. And what did Jesus say about that? Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her. Martha was worried and troubled about many things, but Mary was focused on only one, the only One, Jesus. 

So, what's going on in your quiet time with Jesus? Is your phone silenced? Is your to-do list forgotten? Are you comfortably seated, or are you fidgeting, eager to get to the things your life is "really all about"? Are you slowly savoring God's Word, or are you consuming Scripture with the same mindless haste you scarfed down that protein bar on your way out the door last evening? Are you distracted by what's going to happen if the dryer shuts off halfway through your quiet time, or are you prepared to throw in a wet towel and start the process all over again? Is the Holy Spirit present, in the forefront of your thinking, or is His voice merely background noise? Are you worried and troubled about many things, or are you actively, exclusively, purposefully anticipating the voice of the Holy Spirit? 

The Word of God planted deeply within your heart, watered and given the proper time to take root will not be taken from you.

When on Wednesday?

The following excerpt is from When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom from Toxic People by Gary Thomas, copyright The Center for Evangelical Spirituality. garythomas.com 

When we can walk away from toxic people, we probably and usually should. But when financial necessity, work obligations, family relationships, or even the accomplishment of our God-given mission necessitates that we find a way to live or work with a toxic person, we can learn much by following Jesus’ example with Judas.

Though Jesus often walked away and let others walk away, He obviously and clearly kept one toxic person very close to His side — His betrayer, Judas. Let’s focus on three key strategies, based on Jesus’ interaction with Judas, for how we can live with or work alongside toxic people without going crazy ourselves.

Jesus Didn’t View His Mission as Stopping Toxic People from Sinning:

Maybe it seems more obvious to you, but it was startling to me when I realized Jesus knew Judas was a thief and never chose to stop Him. John clues us in:

One of [Jesus’] disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray Him, objected, ‘Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.’ He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it. — John 12:4-6

If John knew Judas was a thief, Jesus knew Judas was a thief. In fact, Jesus knew that Judas was worse than a thief. In John 6:70, Jesus said, “Have I not chosen you, the Twelve? Yet one of you is a devil!” (He meant Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, who, though one of the Twelve, was later to betray Him.)

Jesus knew Judas was toxic. He could have stopped Judas from stealing and His future betrayal by kicking Him out of their group at any time.

But He didn’t. Why? Jesus kept the bigger mission in mind. To seek first God’s Kingdom, He had to raise up a band of disciples. He also had to die on the cross. He wasn’t waylaid by individual battles of piety with His disciples, as we are prone to do with people around us. Addressing Judas’s thievery would be like a neurosurgeon clipping someone’s fingernails. There were more important issues at hand. 

And Jesus’ mission was not to stop everybody from sinning.

This is actually a freeing word for believers. Your mission is not to confront every sin you hear or know of, even among your perhaps toxic family members or coworkers. Of course, if you’re a parent of a child still living at home, confronting sin is an appropriate part of spiritual training. But at extended family gatherings, with hard-hearted friends and certainly coworkers, our job isn’t to be “sin detectives” who discover how others are messing up and then unleash havoc by sharing our opinions with those who don’t want to hear them.

Jesus could have spent all twenty-four hours of every day trying to confront every one of His disciples’ sins. “Peter, put away that anger!” “Thomas, you’re still doubting Me, aren’t you?” “Thaddeus, you’re people-pleasing again. Nobody likes a suck-up.”

Instead, He focused on training and equipping reliable people. Focusing on others’ sin makes you focus on what’s toxic. Focusing on training makes you focus on what is good and on who is reliable. The latter is a much more enjoyable and ultimately much more productive life.

Because our goal is to seek first God’s Kingdom and righteousness, and to seek out reliable people in the process, we’ve got to let a few things slide right by us.

That uncle who brings another woman half his age to Thanksgiving dinner? Not our problem. The coworker who had too much to drink at the office party? If we’re not the boss, that’s not our concern. Besides, one sin is never the issue. Alienation from God, shattered psyches, unhealed and unaddressed hurts — those are the real issues.

Feel free to enjoy people and love them without having to serve as their conscience.

When asked sincerely, speak the truth. Just know that merely witnessing sin in your presence doesn’t require you to act as prosecuting attorney, judge, and jury.

Keep the bigger picture in mind. Instead of upending the holiday gathering by making sure everyone knows you disapprove of what that child, cousin, uncle, or parent is doing, find a hungry soul to quietly encourage, bless, inspire, and challenge. Find the most “reliable” relative and invest in them.

Jesus Didn’t Let Judas’s Toxicity Become His:

How much money would you spend to get an hour to ask Jesus all the questions you’ve ever wanted to ask Him?

What would it be worth to you to go back to the first century and spend an entire weekend with Jesus, watching Him perform miracles, listening to His teachings, participating in private conversations, watching Him pray and interact with others?

I’m guessing, if you’re reading a book like this, a whole lot.

All of which makes Judas’s betrayal seem all the more ungrateful. Jesus gave him a front row seat to the most significant life ever lived, and Judas sold Him out.

And yet at the Last Supper, when Jesus washed His disciples’ feet, Jesus made sure that Judas was still present. In a picture the sheer wonder of which leaves me in awe, Jesus used the two holiest hands that have ever existed, the two most precious hands in the history of humankind, the hands pierced for our salvation — Jesus took those exquisite hands and washed the feet of His toxic betrayer.

Even in the face of ungratefulness and malice, Jesus kept the door open to relational reconciliation. He loved Judas to the end, essentially saying, “You can’t make Me hate you. Your toxicity won’t become My toxicity.”

Just as astonishing to me is what happened during the act of betrayal. When Judas walks up to Jesus to hand Him over to the soldiers, Jesus looks at Judas and says, "Do what you came for, friend" (Matthew 26:50).

Friend? How about skunk? How about snake? Jesus said “friend” because Jesus didn’t have a toxic molecule in His body. There was nowhere for toxicity to take root. God is radically for people. He wants everyone to come to a knowledge of the truth (1 Timothy 2:4). As His followers, we also must be for everyone, even if we oppose what they’re doing. If we must live and work with toxic people, our call is to make sure their toxicity doesn’t become ours. We don’t treat them as they treat us. We don’t offer evil in exchange for evil. We love. We serve. We guard our hearts so that we are not poisoned by their bad example.

Jesus Spoke Truth to Crazy:

While Jesus invited Judas back into relationship until the very moment of betrayal, washing his feet and even calling him friend, He never pretended that what Judas was doing wasn’t toxic. In fact, He warned Judas at the Last Supper that if he were to go through with his plans, things wouldn’t end well for him:

Woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born. — Mark 14:21

When Judas kissed Him in Gethsemane, Jesus replied, "Are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?" (Luke 22:48)

When working around toxic people, you don’t have to pretend they’re not toxic. You don’t have to pretend they are well-meaning but perhaps misguided.

The reason this is good news is that it helps preserve our sanity. Toxic people are experts at twisting things, making us feel crazy for admitting the truth (what counselors call gaslighting). But as followers of Jesus, we are committed to the truth because we are committed to Jesus, who said, "I am the way and the truth and the life" (John 14:6, emphasis added).

Without truth as a refuge, interacting with crazy people can start to make you feel crazy. But God is a God of order. Craziness is a clear sign of toxicity.

This will sound like such a cliché, but I’ve found that extra praying brings some level of sanity to a situation that feels crazy. There’s something about spending time talking to and listening to the God of truth that restores sanity when you’re forced to spend time in a place that makes you feel like you’re losing your mind.

As we trust that God understands all that is truly going on, and as we remember that God is the only one capable of bringing everything to account, we can rest in His understanding, promise, and protection:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. — Philippians 4:6-7

Takeaways:

• Sometimes we can’t walk away but have to learn how to live or work around toxic people. This will require us to become stronger than we’ve ever been before.
• Don’t try to control a controller. Work around them as you are required to, but don’t let their ups and downs become your ups and downs. Keep a healthy level of distance between the two of you.
• Keep first things first. Our job isn’t to stop people from sinning. Focus on investing in reliable people.
• Guard against letting someone else’s toxicity tempt you to respond in a similarly toxic fashion. We can’t control what toxic people do and say, but we can control what we do and say.
• Don’t allow someone who is ruining their life to ruin yours as well. Leave work at work (or family drama at family gatherings).
• Thank God that we never have to pretend crazy isn’t crazy. We live by the truth. We don’t have to pretend toxic people aren’t toxic; we just have to learn a nontoxic way of interacting with them.

Thomas, Gary. When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom from Toxic People. Zondervan, 2019. 

Amen!

I grew up going to a church that was pretty straight-laced when it came to services. We were quiet --oh so quiet --during prayer and the sermon; we even made sure coins were laid quietly in the felt-lined offering plate. Shhhhh. Our church was affiliated with a local camp meeting. Now that was a horse of a different color! During meetings there was heat, lots and lots of heat. They were held in summer in an outdoor pavilion or a large open-air tabernacle, so the high temps and humidity made for restless babies, restless children, and even restless adults. Baskets full of fans were made available, and the only other relief was when a deep voice from the waaaay back affirmed AMEN! to whatever the traveling pastor had just said. Somehow, that seemed to give everyone license to exhale and reposition themselves in their folding chair and correct the little ones playing just a little too zealously with the rubber flap on the front of their worn-out sneaker. Dress was casual as was the venue, so ladies in their sleeveless sundresses would sit with legs crossed and men with no ties adorning their short-sleeved cotton shirts would lean back just a little more and, maybe, throw their arm around the back of their wife's chair. The wooden chairs would crackle and, the fans set up all around would whirr, and of course, the wide-open entrance to the rest of the campground permitted all manner of noises to accompany the preaching: a car rolling down the gravel drive, children playing on the swings up the hill, squirrels calling out to one another in the trees, and the men in the waaaay back who bellowed AMEN! 

Outside of camp meeting, the only time I ever heard the word Amen, was at the end of prayer. The strange thing is, when the men in the waaaay back shouted, I knew they were agreeing with the preacher; I understood this was their way of saying he'd spoken the truth. What I didn't understand was that when I was using it at the end of prayer, I was using it all wrong. In a teaching by the late Keith Green, he said Amen is not meant to be Goodbye or We'll talk later. Not until I heard him say that did I realize that's just what my brain was hearing: Signing off until tomorrow! 

Chabad.org writes:

The Talmud explains that there are three intentions within the word amen (depending on context):

1) An oath, 2) acceptance of the statement or terms, 3) confirmation of (or faithfulness in) the statement (e.g. belief, prayer, and faith that the statement will be fulfilled).

As such, when the court would administer an oath, the person would answer “Amen,” and it was considered as if they themselves had sworn. Likewise, we reply “Amen” after hearing others recite prayers or blessings.

The word amen is versatile and is used to respond to blessings and prayers in praise of G‑d, as well as after hearing a request or supplication to G‑d.

When saying “Amen” after hearing G‑d’s praise, one’s intention would be “the blessing that was recited is true and I believe in it,” since the word amen signifies an affirmation of belief. The letters of the word amen are the root letters of the word emunah, meaning belief or trust.

And after hearing a request or supplication, one’s intent would be oriented more to the future — that the speaker’s statements and requests be affirmed and speedily fulfilled.

When we say Amen at the end of our prayers, the things we have petitioned God for, we are speaking the things we want Him to deliver, but in His way. We are affirming our commitment to the process as He sees fit. We have given those things to Him, and we are now moving forward in partnership with Him to see those things come to fruition. For example, the simple prayer of thanksgiving: Bless this food to our bodies and us to Your service. Amen. This is not passive: I'll wait, Jesus. This is a request for God to use the food He has given us to nourish our bodies, keep them running, as we walk in obedience to Him, as we serve Him in the ways He commands us to serve. A request for God to impart to us wisdom may end with Amen, but the process does not. We are affirming, Okay, I have asked You to do what only You can do, now keep me in doing what I need to do to receive wisdom: study Your Word, seek godly counsel, actively listen to biblical preaching... Watch me walk this out in partnership with You.

Amen is the opening of a door. The board meeting is over, now it's time to get busy and do everything in my power to walk this out. I'm not going to forget what we've talked about and find myself praying the same prayers over and over; but I'm going to keep my eyes on my Heavenly Father as we work toward His glory together. My prayer for peace on earth is going to be accompanied by me looking for ways to be a peacemaker, to encourage others, to respond with a soft answer, to forgive. My prayer for health is going to be accompanied by eating the right foods, getting exercise and rest, following the doctor's orders. Amen is not the end; it is the beginning, the beginning of all I am going to do today to live the resurrectionary life Jesus purchased for me at the cross. Watch me, Jesus! Here I go! AMEN!