Dig Another Well

I am at this very moment, digging another well. It's messy. It's dark. It's hard and it makes my body ache. I don't wanna do it. But here we are.

In Genesis 26:12-22, Isaac, son of Abraham (the father of the Jewish nation, among others), was living in the land of Gerar. God had instructed him to settle there, and had promised to bless Isaac if he obeyed. Isaac did; God did. In fact, Isaac was so prosperous, the people of that area asked him to leave: Go away from us, for you are much mightier than we. So Isaac and his family moved into the nearby valley. But, lacking fresh water, they were forced to uncover some of the wells Abraham had dug. It wasn't enough. They dug a new well of their own. The native herdsmen in the valley called dibs on it. Isaac named the well Contention and dug a new well. The native herdsmen called dibs on that one, too. Isaac named it Enmity and dug a third. Well, the herdsmen had become too waterlogged or God put His foot down, 'cuz they left that one alone. Isaac called that well Rehoboth, spaciousness. Finally, some elbow room!

The Philistines of Gerar had declared it: Isaac and his clan were mightier than they. Surely, he and his could have muscled out a few shepherds. Isaac hadn't asked to move, he was doing just fine right where he was. It was the townsfolk who were so threatened by his success; they drove him to the outskirts. But the people in the valley wanted to control the water supply. What was he supposed to do? And what right did they have? Had they caused the rain and carved out the springs? No worries. Isaac simply dug another well. I'm sure it wasn't in his schedule to dig a second, much less a third big hole. I'm sure it took resources that had been allocated elsewhere. Well digging was difficult work; it was messy. One source says the soil in the area would have been loose, perfect for vegetation, but only a few inches down; then, it turned to heavy clay. Once they struck water --if they struck water-- the well would have to be lined with stones; working in the depths of the well was dark and cold. I'm merely guessing, but it may have been difficult to breathe down there: the Well of Jacob is believed to have been 75ft. deep! Their bodies would have ached at the end of each shift. Certainly, Isaac's laborers weren't keen on the idea in the first place, but you do what you have to do. However, two three wells just because some mutton farmers want to flex, can leave a guy wondering why Isaac didn't stand up for himself. Afterall, God had told him to settle in the area; God had told him He would bless him. But it was God, Isaac reasoned, who would handle it. Isaac just did what it took to obey, and held on to the promise.

So, I'm digging another well. Someone has hurt me. Someone has denied me. Someone has taken something I clearly believe God has told me to do, and stamped VETO over it. Someone is throwing their weight around and it's making life difficult for me. I can head right on up the food chain and file my complaint. I can be louder. I can spout Bible verses and recruit others to support me. I can shame others into doing what is right. Or, I can trust that God will take care of it to His glory, I can do what it takes to obey regardless of the conduct of others, and I can dig another well. 

It's gonna take prayer, praying for my heart to change as well as others'. I need to prepare for it to get worse before it gets better; I may endure some long, dark nights of meeting with the Lord "face to face." I have to guard my tongue against gossip, against malicious words and angry speech. My eyes might burn from tears; my knees might ache from hours of prayer; my head might pound from a lack of sleep; my stomach  might growl and churn as I fast. How deep into the Word am I willing to go? How committed am I to the hard labor of obedience? How often am I willing to submit to the washing of the water of the Word? Well digging can be tough. 

Anybody care to join me?

Unqualified

In the interest of transparency-- and transparency breaks the bonds of shame, y'all --I want your to know something. It's something that, when I say it, my eyes tend to fall to the floor, my voice lowers. Whenever I feel a they're-gonna-ask-for-your-testimony moment coming on, my brain, working at warp speed, is already formulating more palatable ways of saying it, is already formulating the explanations that I hope will justify it. The it is that I have been married three times. Yes, three. That little fun fact has been the source of some shame, and the twisted thinking of shame goes as follows:

You are unqualified.

Unqualified to serve the Lord, unqualified to even think of speaking to anyone about marriage, unqualified to be considered clean or new (that one really hits hard). Unqualified for all sorts of reasons! Because, now that I've had my fun, sown my wild oats, as they say, I want to sit back in my later years and tell other people how to live. Because I was a hot mess then and it's only a matter of time before I am a hot mess again. Because people like me...well, we are forever damaged goods.

I am not going to share my testimony with any detail. That may be for another day. I am not going to explain myself or the circumstances of any of my marriages. I am going to tell you this:

I am qualified.

I am qualified because the blood of Jesus has cleansed me from all of my sin: past, present, future. I am qualified because God has a plan and purpose for my life: to glorify Him and to share with others the good news of His salvation. I am qualified because God has changed me, is changing me, and will change me to reflect His character, the character that Jesus Christ walked out on earth two thousand years ago for all of us to see and imitate. I am qualified because God uses broken vessels (like me, like David, like a woman at a well, like Paul) to shine His light and reveal His steadfast love to others who are in need of a Savior. That is the meat and potatoes, if you will, of my testimony, of my calling, and of my qualification. None of it is of me.

So I guess, Shame, if you're listening, you are right: I am not qualified, but praise God, the One who lives in me is! And now you have been exposed, but so has He! (2 Corinthians 3:17-4:18)