Loss

What is the greatest loss you can think of? Can you imagine losing your job? a spouse? a child? your home?

I once spoke to a wonderful Christian man who'd lost a daughter. She was grown, married, living outside his home, but he stood before me and grieved as though she was his little girl --even more than a year later, the loss was painfully raw. Despite his belief that nothing would ever shake his faith in his Savior, this loss threatened to destroy him. I won't speak for him and say his faith in Jesus was shaken, but his faith in anything else he thought was good or permanent or would have been, was absolutely rocked beyond his wildest visions. He confessed that, at one point, he no longer wanted to live. This was a man of faith, a man I admired, a man who served his church. And the loss I had experienced only months prior caused me to understand completely what he was saying. 

Loss is something, I don't think, for which we are ever truly prepared. Even when we know our child is moving across the world in five short months, even when we know the balloon will eventually deflate, even when we know our bones wear out, even when we know our children will not be little forever, even when we know there's an empty plate under that last bite of tiramisu. No matter how intentionally we savor the moments, time marches on. And loss comes with life in this broken and cursed world. So, what do we do about it? How do we survive in a place where the pain and pilferage do not cease? How do we move forward, worship, finish the race, allow God to turn our loss into gain?

I was praying for someone this morning, someone who has gone far too long in separation from the body of Christ after a terrible loss. As I prayed, I was reminded of the love Jesus had for His friends, particularly Judas. Jesus loved him, you know. He wasn't an outlier; he was one of The Twelve, Jesus' closest friends. He wasn't an outcast; Jesus' relationship with Judas was so close, the others didn't know Judas would betray their Teacher and Friend. But Jesus did. Do you think Jesus didn't grieve? Do you think Jesus was thrilled over the plot twist? Do you think Jesus wasn't broken over the outcome for Judas and the other Disciples? Jesus knew what Judas was up to. Jesus knew the eternal impact on Judas' soul. But Jesus did not shy away. Jesus didn't refuse to attend the meal with His Disciples in that upper room. I just can't; it will be too painful. Father, You know how much I love him! And he's going to look Me in the eye, eat with Me, and later sell Me to liars and thugs for thirty pieces of silver! Jesus didn't refuse to appear to His Disciples after His resurrection, despite their forsaking Him, despite their disbelief. I can't. They abandoned Me when I needed them most, and now they're hiding out in fear for their own lives. They are not looking for Me. What sort of plan is this?! 

Jesus obeyed. He didn't wait for any other sign but God's command to Love God and love your neighbor. And the Father didn't tell His Son, Hey, You've had a rough go of it. Take some time off from My directives. Focus on Yourself for a bit. I'll let you know when to get back in the game. No, God had given Him work to do, and it was (and is) His food, His very life-sustaining consummation to do and to finish that work, to not stop doing it until it is complete. 

There is no other sign coming. God does not contradict Himself. What Scripture says, God means; and it is meant to challenge us, correct us, refine us, and teach us. Nowhere in Scripture does it say the things we go through must all make sense or be comfortable; but we are encouraged, however, to press on, to obey, to draw close to Him, and to live with eternity in mind. We are promised the Lord will be with us as we step out after loss or in the midst of it. And we are assured it will be for our good. So, lean in to the Lord, step out in faith, and know that loss --no matter how great --in the hands of the Redeemer, can be the means to His plan eternally fulfilled.

Midweek: Lessons Learned in Adoption #5

I'd like to bring this series on adoption and its lessons, to a close. Obviously, we are still learning and growing; there are many other lessons I've not mentioned here. But all of life is a learning process, whether you are led to foster or adopt, whether you are parenting adult children or watching your babies raise theirs. Maybe you're getting the message to move when "the timing just couldn't be worse," or going through a season of intense physical pain. We are made to grow, and grow into the people God designed us to be --absent our sin nature thoroughly rotted by its deceptive desires. Justin Whitmel Earley, author of Habits of the Household, says: 

In a very real sense, parenting is one long process of revealing who you are. And usually that is not pretty.

Perhaps it’s a one-year-old who won’t sleep. Or maybe it’s a pre-teen who talks back constantly, a five-year-old who is still wetting the bed, a third-grader who just doesn’t listen, or a toddler who has constant tantrums. Whatever it is, usually, there is a fundamental reason it drives us insane as parents — we cannot control it. We like being in control, and now we’re not. And the seething anger or crippling self-pity we’ve spent our lives hiding begins to be exposed.

This is important because what is being exposed is not your bad reaction to the situation — what is being exposed is you. The difficulty of parenting has torn us open, and we don’t really like the heart we see inside ourselves. 

Ouch! God is not threatened by our disobedience. He does not wring His hands or angrily demand control of His children. He knows who He is even when we do not. And He compassionately remembers we are dust. It is His goodness throughout the situations we handle poorly that leads us back to Him. Father, forgive me. Show me how to correct the damage, if possible, and help me do things right the next time this situation presents itself. Isn't that the heart we want to see in our children? Humility, bold faith, unquestioning obedience, responsibility, compassion for others, growth.

But parenting as God parents is not easy for us. We are growing as our children grow, erring as our children err. That's why we need a great cloud of witnesses. These people, mentioned in Hebrews 11 (otherwise known as the Hall of Faith) endured trouble and stepped out in faith when there appeared to be nothing under their feet but sailboat fuel. Reading the accounts of their lives in Scripture and imitating them, being challenged and inspired by them, is invaluable. Then, there are those more modern day witnesses, Heroes of the Faith, if you will: Martin Luther, Harriet Tubman, George Mueller, Jim Elliot, Joni Eareckson Tada. Or maybe you've got heroes in your midst --a pastor who never shuts off his phone; a friend who, though she experienced a shocking loss, has never ceased to keep her eyes fixed on the God she worships; a true prayer warrior (these people are more precious than gold!); the quiet little man who sits near you on the bus reading his worn and heavily marked Bible. Any of these may be the great cloud of witnesses, testifiers to the goodness and faithfulness of God in their lives. And they are essential resources in this race.

So, this is the lesson I'd like to leave you with: Steadfastness. There are days I remind myself continually, this is a process. I am not responsible for the outcome of this process; I am responsible for my obedience, to remain on the path toward which God has directed me. In order to do so, in His grace, He has supplied me with examples throughout history and, if I'm positioned where I need to be, examples around me. Additionally, I am blessed with the precious and powerful resource of prayer --mine lifted to our Savior at any time, day or night, and the intercessions of others who so graciously, so obediently bring our names before the throne of God. I have the wisdom of Scripture --thank God, in this country, in myriad formats --and the gift of the Holy Spirit who cares for me in many ways. I can remain steadfast because I am not alone, and I have everything I need to live the life God has called me to live. You can, too!

Fattening Your Sacrifice

Be the bigger person! Have you ever heard that? I'm not going to stoop to her level. How about, Take the high road? This is the relationship advice I've received over the years. It's not entirely bad, but it isn't very good either. We certainly don't want to imitate another's bad behavior, and two angry or vengeful people don't exactly improve a difficult situation, but there's a difference between taking a path of righteousness and taking the right path. 

Recent circumstances have forced me to take a look at our marriage. Specifically, why I do what I do. Am I being selfless, am I sacrificing my time, am I working hard because I want to be a better person, because this is where I am in my relationship with Jesus? or because I want to be the better spouse? Is my behavior a response to Christ's challenge to live a righteous life? or is it grounded in my desire to be right, to outdo another?

Psalm 66:13-15 (NKJV) says:

I will go into Your house with burnt offerings;
I will pay You my vows,
Which my lips have uttered
And my mouth has spoken when I was in trouble.
I will offer You burnt sacrifices of fat animals,
With the sweet aroma of rams;
I will offer bulls with goats. Selah

Robert Alter's translation renders verse 15 thus:

Fat burnt-offerings I shall offer up to You
with the incense of rams.
I shall sacrifice cattle and goats.

The psalmist lived in an agrarian society. Their farms, their sheep, their cattle were not only their means of providing food for their families, but the products they sold or traded to others were their livelihood. A fatted calf could bring good money at market. The breeding services of a prime ram could be traded for clothing or another commodity. Who would lay out feed, stall space, and the time it took to bring up a lamb simply to let it be burnt up that the priest might sup on those savory-sweet lamb chops? Who could afford it? But they did. They fattened their livestock specifically for the purpose of giving the best right off the top to the Lord. Fat burnt-offerings I shall offer up to You. We might paraphrase it this way: 

"I am doing my absolute best, giving the most I've got, making things as inconvenient and lean and uncomfortable for myself, laying it all on the line and then seeking out more to give that You might be honored in a way fitting the King of all kings, the God who made heaven and earth, my Abba Father."

The premise of Oswald Chambers' famous devotional, My Utmost for His Highest, is that we might give our choicest, unrivaled, intentionally fattened best for God's greatest glory through our lives, expecting nothing in return but to yield to Him all He deserves. That is righteousness. That is the only honest goal of selflessness, sacrifice, and hard work. Not to be better than others. Not to prove ourselves right. Not to make those around us look inferior. But to fatten our sacrifice for the One who is truly worth of it. To fatten our sacrifice for a holy and almighty God.

 Photo courtesy LuAnn Martin