Speculation

Have you ever really walked a mile in someone else's shoes? I have. When you've got teenage daughters, it's something you do. It's something they do. You walk a mile in someone else's shoes, in their scarf, in their jeans. It just seems to be that way. But in my experience, it has never provided any sort of enlightenment with regard to the things they've been through or the things they endure on the regular. Isn't walking a mile in someone else's shoes supposed to imbue us with some sense of compassion or empathy toward that person? Much more effective to speculate, right? I mean, that's what I tend to do. When someone says something completely outrageous or their behavior is totally offensive, I speculate. I try to imagine what on earth would have caused them to say that. I try to conceptualize their motivations for flipping someone off or cheating on a spouse. Was it her upbringing? Has he suffered past trauma? Is this some sort of bid for attention? Maybe they really didn't see my bright red truck. Speculation might help us understand, but speculation might also be unnecessary. In 1 Timothy 1:4 (CJSB), Paul writes:

Have them stop devoting their attention to myths and never-ending genealogies; these divert people to speculating instead of doing God’s work, which requires trust.

Paul was charging his "spiritual son," Timothy with the task of confronting false teachings and practices that would cause conflict and detract from the gospel. Perhaps there were those engaging in silly arguments that caused division or, more seriously, trying to force unnecessary habits onto new believers --things that would have no bearing on their salvation or lives lived in service to Christ. 

I think that, to accept Paul's advice for ourselves isn't a bad idea. Of course, we're not to argue about the specifics of things that are not revealed in or mandated by Scripture, but what about speculating as to how God will or won't work when it has not been fully revealed? For instance, you're neighbor and best friend is moving. Things are going to change. And we don't always like change, do we? So we get ourselves into a funk. God, how can anything good possibly come from this?! And then the guessing starts. Maybe God is going to have a nice young couple move in next door, and I can pop right over and invite them to our Bible study. They'll be saved. Their children will be saved. Our church will be blessed! Now, there's nothing wrong with wanting that, of course, but when nice young couple turns out to be surly old widower who wants nothing more than to be left alone, our speculations can cause division. He's not what you expected, so already you're sort of meh when it comes to him. This guy's never gonna come to Jesus! God didn't work in the way you anticipated, so you become a little meh when it comes to Him! You took Sister So-and-So for what?! It's not fair! All of your speculation as to the way God was going to redeem your situation has led you into an area that doesn't belong to you. You're trespassing on God's territory, and the bigger the hurt, the more terrifying the situation, the greater our disappointment when God doesn't perform according to our expectations. 

Maybe you've been praying for your prodigal daughter. God, it's been twelve years now, with no sign of her return. She's led her brothers astray. She isn't raising her children in the Lord. If they don't get to Sunday school soon, they'll be teenagers, and they'll never want to hear about Jesus! I'm getting older, and I'll never see my family united and serving You. This was supposed to be a restoration story!

Speculation is a diversion. It can keep us from praying for God's will and get us stuck in a rut praying for our own. He's gonna heal me, and I'll tell my story to everyone who will listen! Um, maybe He's not, and you can give Him glory because He is worthy, and it is required of us. 

Speculation can lead us to a place we were never meant to be, a place where God is trying to do something in our children, in our neighbors, in our church, but we keep messing with outcomes to bring to fruition the story we have written. We've got to host this fundraiser! God would never allow the doors of our church to close. Would He? 

Speculation can cause us to spend more time reviewing plans and going over the minutiae of our needs than we do actually praying about them. I've been in prayer meetings that bore greater resemblance to board meetings. Someone raises a concern, and it's six minutes of finding out the specifics: How many cars were involved? Who caused the accident? Then there's eight minutes of folks jumping in with similar anecdotes: You know that happened about six months ago on that same stretch of road. It was much worse. Do you think they need to install a traffic light there? And finally, ten minutes of networking: Well, my sister has a friend in Tuscaloosa that knows a great therapist. And her husband is an attorney if they're thinking about going that route. 

Speculation causes division. Between who God is and who we think we are. Between what we think prayer is and what Jesus showed us it is. Between those we're given in ministry and those we choose to minister to. 

We are to be doing God's work, work which Paul tells us requires trust. Trust because it is God's work and not ours.

Keeping Time

Plans had changed and preparations needed to be made. My schedule, which was once empty would not remain that way. Okay, let's make the best of this; turn up the music and get started! As I searched for what was to be my soundtrack for the next couple hours, my phone rang. A call I had to take. When I said goodbye two hours later, my preparations had only reached the halfway mark, I'd not danced to one note, and the sun was perilously close to setting. Some things --including my dance party --were just going to have to wait until morning. But the night wasn't over yet. Another phone call and hours in the ER. Standing for hours by her bed, singing softly to calm her; the sun was beginning to rise. Things I had planned still had not come to be. Things I had not planned --would never plan, came to fruition. This was not the way I'd expected to spend my time; this was not the playlist I wanted to hear. In fact, the silence was deafening. The day was gone, my to-do list had hardly gotten shorter, and the pain and shock of the last few hours had dampened every note in my song.

The following morning, I was back at it. So much to do and I'd lost so much time the day before. As I, once again, began to search for an appropriate playlist, it occurred to me: perhaps my soundtrack was not intended to be the soundtrack I had imagined any more than the time I thought was available to me was really mine. Maybe my music is the tinny giggle of someone I love and the gravelly sound of my own voice sharing my heart. Maybe this was not just a list of songs, one separate from the next; but this was meant to be an entire symphony. Each song, each task, each interaction carefully moving into another, all of them interconnected in some special way. Maybe the dance is not just the way I swing or sway to each song independently; but it is a carefully choreographed ballet, interdependent movement. I waltz from room to room, gathering laundry as I go, and twist from the stove to the fridge as I search for ingredients; I dance a passionate tango, cradling the phone on my shoulder while drying dishes at the sink. Maybe as evening approaches and the house lights dim, the glow from the orchestra pit helps me to see the score more clearly: there is great value in what has come to be over what I had planned. The management has been forced to make a substitution: the Blues have been replaced by laughter and friendship. I haven't lost time and I have spent each moment surrounded by the song of life.

And Jesus, the Author, the Creator, the Director has been there all along; He is the Keeper of time. Through altered plans and unexpected mishaps, through the noise and the silence, He is sovereign. The soundtrack I searched for all those hours before was created in the passage of time: love and laughter, love and pain, love and faithfulness, love and time --its passing and time yet to come. Time will not be "made up for," but it will be altered, transformed from my plans to His, and hopefully, (if I acquiesce) lived well. I will see, one day, how all things worked together for my good. I will stand with the faithful, one day, listening to a sound like the rumble of thunder as song breaks out in heaven. I am assured of this with an assurance that allows me to sit back and rest confidently in God's sovereignty even today. Even when I have trouble keeping time.