Years ago, we hired an attorney to handle a matter that was not only emotionally charged but seemed to be a serious injustice. We believed the agencies who were, at the time, handling the situation were not only irresponsible but incompetent. (Turns out they were disingenuous as well.) Add to that the uncertainty of a pandemic... Those were crazy times. I wasn't thrilled at the idea of involving an attorney, but the alternative seemed unthinkable. We prayed, my husband and I talked at length, we solicited the advice of many others, and every day we looked into the faces of those who were counting on us to advocate for them. We wrote the check. In the days after, I tried to provide our employee --for that is indeed the position of someone to whom one pays a sizeable retainer --with as much information as I could, and some of it was HUGELY supportive of our case. Our confidence skyrocketed.
We received a notice from the court: our hearing was in six days. Shouldn't our advocate have known this? But there was a pandemic; everything was a little wonky. I immediately emailed our representative. A full twenty-four hours later, we'd still not received a response; I called. The attorney will call you tomorrow. The following day, Friday, at 5:30 PM, I got an answer when I again reached out. The voice at the other end said I'd get a call the following day --promised I'd get a call the following day! Saturday? I was right to doubt. In fact, no call Saturday, no response on Sunday to the not-so-nice message I'd left late Saturday, and by Monday morning, minutes before the hearing was taking place by phone, I received an email asking what time the hearing was to begin. Livid and panicking, I responded, but ultimately found myself speaking to a judge with my representation in the wind. The conclusion was as we feared and not as we'd hoped. Several phone calls and emails after that, and our employee placed the outcome, the confusion, and the entire debacle squarely on my shoulders. I could have been incensed, I could have turned around and taken legal action against our attorney, but the grief I felt at the initial situation and the conviction I experienced over having not trusted God, outweighed any fury I had over being defrauded.
Fast forward to April of this year, and we are facing another hurdle. God, in His infinite grace (and with what I believe to be an incredible sense of humor), provided us with a poignant reminder, a letter, from our former attorney:
Dear Judi,
This letter is to confirm that my representation of you in the above-referenced matter has ended.
I want to take this opportunity to thank you for allowing me the opportunity to represent you.
... It has been a pleasure, and I hope you will allow me the privilege of representing you again in the future should the need ever arise.
Regards,
Crazy, right? Did it stir up old feelings of animosity? Did it make me want to march over to the address on the letterhead? For about half a minute. Then I heard the Spirit's voice: Not by might, nor by power. Grace had timed that letter most perfectly. Grace had carried us through that hard season and into the next. Grace has worked all things out better than a victory in court could have ever accomplished. Grace is savage and strong and gentle and loud and sometimes painful in order to make us into people who trust firmly in the Spirit whose might and power are matchless, who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we ask or imagine.
This newest hurdle is well within God's purview. He has been gracious enough to give us glimpses of His authority and His will. There is no power or might on earth that can achieve all He can achieve. In our time of crisis, we were better for His design, to depend fully on His Spirit, and to leave human might and power in the wind.
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