Anniversary

My husband was a professional driver for more than twenty-five years. He drove vehicles more than eighty feet long across the country for days on end without so much as a fender bender. And yet...

...when I'm sitting in the passenger seat of our personal vehicle, I have this uncontrollable urge to tell him to slow down...

    ...move back

        ...get over

            ...or, just let me drive.

And, since I have suddenly been overtaken by candor, I have to admit, I can be a much more aggressive driver than he. The difference is, I say, I know what I'm doing.

I've often wondered about this as we've been driving along. When Scott and I began dating, riding with him was fun. I felt safe and secure. I mean, who wouldn't? A driver with a resumé such as his --how could I feel the least bit at risk? So, what changed? How could I have had so much confidence in him when I barely knew him, yet, years later, when he's proven himself to me time and time again, I take issue with his driving? Well, there are a few explanations that have come to me.

First of all, he doesn't know everything. When we first began our relationship, he "wowed" me with his knowledge of this and perspectives of that. It was all so new! Discovering his story and hearing of his adventures. As time passed, I began to realize he wasn't perfect; that his opinions were different than mine and he wasn't as well-versed in some things, things of which I knew quite a bit. I mean, if I can't trust him to use correct grammar in front of a loan officer, how could I trust him to merge onto the highway properly? I cringed when I watched him get the Double Jeopardy answer wrong --Can he even read a map?!

Secondly, I've got more of a stake in his driving than I did years ago. When we were dating, his truck was his truck; now, his truck is our truck. When we were dating, his speeding ticket impacted his insurance; now, his speeding ticket impacts our insurance.

Third, and this is the explanation I think bears the brunt of the argument: I am a self-centered, self-righteous individual. I think I have control when I drive. I think I've got the situation licked when I'm handling it. I think the risks he takes are careless, while the risks I take are calculated. I think his missteps are avoidable; mine are accidental. I do know what I'm doing, but it's the fear that grips me when I don't know what he's doing that makes my knuckles whiten. And this applies to far more than the journeys we measure in miles. It's an attitude, a me-first, me-best attitude. And it doesn't always rear its ugly head; maybe my gracious husband would say it doesn't often rear its ugly head, but it's there. It might show up when a child needs correction or a project needs to be tackled. It might show up when finances are stretched or relationships are rocky or sleep is needed. And, while I admit it, while I fully own it, it doesn't go away. Not in full, not yet. But that's what marriage is: two people bring their junk, simultaneously working to scrap it or refurbish it while, in some strange and miraculous way, it becomes a Life together. Imperfect as they both are, they join their resources and attempt to show one another grace. Because though one may do better at a thing or two, no one is better. (And he shows me much grace.)  

Before death ever does us part, neither of us will be perfect. But Scott will patiently, gently, sometimes through clenched teeth love me as though I am. I don't deserve him. But I will continue to try to love him as well as he loves me. Because of a promise we made eighteen years ago.

Happy Anniversary, My Love! 

Midweek: Healing Anxiety Through Repentance

Two weeks ago, I wrote a post about anxiety. In it I mentioned the boundaries God has established through His commandments, boundaries which keep us safe. Easy to see how a child needs to be protected from the dangers of the world (Children, Chainsaws, and Anxiety), but adults rarely like admitting they are ill-equipped or under-equipped for life. We're adults! We're supposed to know these things, right? Not to mention, who's gonna tell us? We're grown! That's why children have a much better reception rate when it comes to the gospel than adults: we don't like to be told what to do and we certainly don't believe there's anyone out there qualified to do so.

Last week's post about anxiety focused on time, one of the elements of life that seems to stimulate anxiety in Americans, especially. Deadlines, waiting, too little time or too much seems to set our hearts to racing and our palms to sweating. Have you ever seen anyone get apoplectic over a tape measure or a set of measuring spoons? Of course not! It's understood those are just devices for quantifying things. Time is no different. There is, however, a big difference in using a clock and being ruled by it.

biblehub.com says of "The Nature of Anxiety in Scripture":

Anxiety involves an inner sense of fear, pressure, or unease, often triggered by uncertainty about life’s circumstances, the future, or personal well-being. In Scripture, this experience is not ignored or trivialized; rather, it is addressed compassionately and directly. Whether one looks at the Old Testament or the New, the Bible consistently teaches that anxiety can be overcome by renewed trust in God’s character and promises.

The Bible acknowledges the problem of anxiety! Psalm 38:18 (AMP) says, 

For I do confess my guilt and iniquity; I am filled with anxiety because of my sin.

Filled with anxiety! Why? Because of sin. Because the guilt of it is weighing me down. Because it is not providing the relief I expected. Because my own sin has turned on me and made matters worse. Because it has become a habit I cannot sustain. Because it has become an addiction I cannot kick. Anxiety will take its pound of flesh and then some, but we permit it to do so when we entertain and conceal sin. Philippians 4:6, 7 command us to not be anxious. Instead, it says, talk to God, give thanks, ask for His help, and receive His peace. Matthew 6:25-34 tells us to stop worrying about things like food and clothing. Our Heavenly Father knows the needs of His children. Our objective each and every day is to obey; to serve Him, bring Him glory, abide in Christ; putting Him first, seeking Him most.

Psalm 32:1-5 remind us of the consequences of sin in our bodies and the freedom we can know when we confess what God already knows:

Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,

Whose sin is covered.

Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity,

And in whose spirit there is no deceit.

When I kept silent, my bones grew old

Through my groaning all the day long.

For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;

My vitality was turned into the drought of summer. Selah

I acknowledged my sin to You,

And my iniquity I have not hidden.

I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”

And You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah

I would encourage you, if you are struggling with anxiety to submit your thoughts, your words, your behaviors past and present to the Lord for examination. He is a just judge, He knows us intimately, and He loves us enough to give His life for us. As sins of commission or omission are revealed, I would encourage you to ask His forgiveness and repent of those things. Anxiety has no foothold in the presence of the Prince of Peace. 

  

God Shows Up

Why do bad things happen to good people?

Maybe you've heard someone ask the question before. Perhaps that someone was you. In Judges 6:13, Gideon asked a similar question of the Angel of the Lord: 

Gideon said to Him, “O my lord, if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are all His miracles which our fathers told us about, saying, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up from Egypt?’ But now the Lord has forsaken us and delivered us into the hands of the Midianites.”

The people of Israel had handed down from generation to generation the history of God's faithfulness to His people. But in Gideon's day, they were plagued by the Midianites, hiding in hills and caves, starving and destitute. Where was God? Where were His miracles? And why had He abandoned His chosen people?

Judges 6:1 tells us, the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the Lord. So the Lord delivered them into the hand of Midian for seven years. Okay, so they weren't exactly "good"; they hadn't exactly obeyed God. But they had cried out. We're not told just how much time passed before God sent a prophet, before the Angel of God paid Gideon a visit, but I'm sure (call it personal experience) the words of repentance and desperation had only left the mouths of the people when they started looking for relief. God, if You are with us, why is this happening? Where is Your power, Your deliverance? 

Let me just remind us all, God's presence does not guarantee ease. Just because we belong to Him, just because He has promised never to leave or forsake His people, doesn't mean we won't feel the pangs of hunger or the sting of death among our family. We are still very much present in this world --in fact, we are commanded to be! --and we will suffer the trials and tribulations of being human in a broken world. But it does not mean God is not with us.

Secondly, God's presence is not always accompanied by miracles as we would define them. Read through Scripture and find the miracles. Easy, right? Waters parted and calmed, babies brought forth out of closed wombs, leprosy healed and the dead raised. But what of the prophets who obeyed day after day despite ridicule and persecution? What a miracle that is! Or eighty-year-old Moses leading all those rebellious, angry people forty years across a barren land; he never walked off the job, never found himself under a flock of vultures circling overhead. Or Paul breathing out murderous threats against Jesus' disciples, radically transformed by and encounter with the Living Christ. When we talk about God "showing up" in our situations, too often we have expectations, schedules; we define miracles as we would like them done. What we're really seeking is for God to please us rather than seeking to please Him.

Which brings us to the Angel's answer to Gideon: 

Then the Lord turned to him and said, “Go in this might of yours, and you shall save Israel from the hand of the Midianites. Have I not sent you?” (Judges 6:14) 

Gideon was part of the miracle! You have been sent! Are we doing what we're supposed to be doing, or are we sitting around waiting for God to whisk us away in a fiery chariot or shut the mouths of hungry lions? I'm not saying He won't, mind you, but I am saying that sometimes we are the miracle; it is the simple obedience of His people that changes the course of history and makes an eternal difference in the lives of others. Rather than wasting our time questioning the goodness of God, the presence of God, or the plans of God, let's work on our obedience to God and watch Him work His good in the lives of all people.