Shutting the Door

It was years ago, but it was one of those things that, even as I did it, even as I said the words, I was sickened by how wrong I was. I'd incinerated my first marriage, hurt him deeply, and, as he stood at the door of my new address --somewhere I never should have been, separated or not-- I told him I never wanted to speak to him again. I was shutting a door. And, as I spoke, I quite literally shut the door behind me. I wanted no one else to hear the terrible words coming from my mouth. Bad enough I said them to this man who in no way deserved them; I couldn't let anyone bear witness to my contemptible behavior.

The account of Lot in Genesis 19, is one of those strange and terrifying incidents of which people tend to have morbid curiosity: Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot's wife becoming an instant stalagmite, etc. One thing I've always noticed (19:6), as Lot goes to dissuade the men of Sodom from sexually assaulting his guests --for the sake of keeping this post rather brief, I'm counting on you to read the whole description of events yourself (use the link above ⬆⬆)-- as Lot appears at the doorway to talk the men out of their intentions, he closes the door behind him. I've always thought that was a reckless thing to do. An angry mob, bent on violence and depravity --did he really think it a good idea to be stuck out there alone with them? Perhaps he was simply trying to keep the noise of the crowd from disturbing the family. But as I was reading it the other day, the memory of my own attempts to cover my wickedness came back to me. And I realized, Lot was one of them! He'd settled in their city. 19:1 says he was sitting at the gate: that makes it likely he was a leader of the community. He saw these townsmen day after day; he'd become one of them, and now, they were at his door, threatening his guests --his angelic guests. I would assume Uncle Abraham had warned Lot, God was preparing to torch the city (Genesis 18. Yep, more reading!). Did Lot believe his guests had been sent by God to pick out the righteous folk and spare them? What would they think of Lot and his clan? Get out the family Bible! Say your prayers! Keep up appearances! Lot might very well have closed the door behind him so those inside couldn't hear what might be said outside --possibly Lot's reason for not allowing the angels to spend the night in the city square (19:2,3) as well. Who knows the tales the neighbors would have to tell these celestial beings about their buddy, Lot! So, Lot attempts to keep his "inside" life separate from his "outside" life, and then he makes the mob this offer: "I have two daughters who have not known a man; please, let me bring them out to you, and you may do to them as you wish." What?! Scholars talk about the "worthlessness" of daughters in various cultures and time periods; they talk about exchanging a "smaller sin" for a much greater iniquity; and these might explain (not excuse) Lot's offer, but judging by Lot's reluctance to leave Sodom and his desire to remain so close to its ruins (19:15-20), I have to wonder if what was going on inside him was just as corrupt as what was going on outside his door. And did he really think he could keep it outside?

My behavior years ago was immoral, reprehensible, and dishonest --whether anyone could hear what I said or not. I wasn't trying to shelter anyone but myself; I wasn't looking to protect anyone, just my reputation. There is no door that can be shut to keep God from knowing our hearts even if our acting is award-winning. And there's no door to keep others who are watching closely enough from discovering it eventually.

So, what's going on in the sanctuary of your heart? Ask yourself, Does it match what's going on right on my front porch? Am I seeking to impress people, or am I living authentically and for the Lord? Do I find the need to compartmentalize relationships or activities? Is there a "Sunday look" and a wardrobe for the rest of the week? Ask God to search your heart and, by His Holy Spirit reveal areas you are trying to keep behind closed doors. Ask His forgiveness and seek to obey Him that your life may bring Him glory each and every day of this new year.

(Photo courtesy LuAnn Martin)

It's More Than Just a Moment

How was your Christmas? I'm hoping you all had plenty of Hallmark moments to carry you happily through the upcoming year. And that is what we'll be facing next, isn't it? The dawning of a new three hundred sixty-five days to do the right thing or eat the right foods, be more of a free spirit or be less of a pushover, make new friends or be rid of old flames, or whatever things the closing out of one year and the dawning of another seem to require. How long will those resolutions last? A year can be a pretty long time-- maybe too long for some of the happier moments of the last couple of days to weather the storm.

I was reading the account of Joseph and his brothers (Genesis 42-44) the other day. You really need to read it, but I'll give you the condensed version for now. Joseph was one of twelve sons and his father's favorite; naturally, his brothers felt some kind of way about that. So, they sold him --yes, sold him-- to some slave traders who took Joseph away to Egypt. God had already planned Joseph's path for a purpose, so He allowed Joseph to be enslaved, allowed Joseph to earn the respect of his masters, allowed Joseph to be falsely accused, allowed Joseph to interpret dreams, allowed Joseph to be forgotten, and allowed Joseph to once again, earn the respect of his master (Pharaoh himself, this time) and be placed in a position of great authority in Egypt. Fast forward several years, and a famine in Joseph's hometown drives his brothers to Egypt to purchase food, and guess who they have to deal with to get what they need. Yep, Joseph! They don't even recognize him, so Joseph runs a couple of tests, the last and greatest being the planting of evidence in Joseph's younger brother's luggage. Now, with the disappearance of Joseph years before, his younger brother, Benjamin, had become his father's favorite. To have his son imprisoned or worse, would have killed their father with grief. The brothers tear their clothes in anguish and throw themselves upon the mercy of this "Egyptian," Joseph. Judah, chief suspect in the conspiracy to make Joseph disappear all those years before, now stands in the gap for his baby brother, Benjamin, and offers his life for his brother's. (All sorts of Messianic references there! Jesus is the Lion of the tribe of Judah; it is Judah who offers his life for another, much the same as Jesus gives His life for ours at the cross... But all of that will have to wait for another day; I have a point to make.) The brothers who, years before cared so little for their father's well-being they sold his son, who cared so little for one of their own they sought to profit from his pain, now grieve the thought of their brother being made to pay the price for his guilt, false or otherwise. This is the Hallmark moment, the happy ending we all long for! Isn't this what makes a great story?

Well, it wasn't the end, and it's not just a story. And just like those special moments we may have had or, at least, hoped for over the past few days, this was only a snapshot, a brief moment in time in the lives of Joseph and his family. Joseph revealed himself to his brothers, his brothers went back home, fetched their father, and they all lived in Egypt; but happily ever after? They had to walk that reconciliation out. It wasn't all torn clothes and selfless offers for the rest of their lives; it got messy I'm sure. And it's not all gift wrap and Christmas pjs for the next year (or what remains of this one, for that matter). It's going to get messy. There are things that will come in the new year, things you may not have planned or deserved, things that hurt or leave you reeling, and most of them will come about in or because of our relationships. Whatever your resolutions may be, you're going to have to walk that out-- especially if they include relationships and reconciliation. But it will be worth it if you are walking them out in obedience to the Lord. Like Joseph and his brothers who, by God's grace, became the twelve tribes of Israel, the people led out of Egypt and into the land promised to them as an inheritance, God can use our lives to bless others. Look for the Hallmark moments, but live for Jesus.