Withholding Respect

"Happiness is being married to your best friend."

Yes, it is. Scott makes it incredibly easy. But, I've learned a lot about my relationship with him through my relationship with the Lord. Take respect, for instance.

I wasn't always respectful. I was tough and independent and self-sufficient and could verbally emasculate a man in minutes. No way was I going to get stepped on by any man! I wanted to be that stand-by-your-man, gentle, obedient, barefoot-and-pregnant, content woman in the kitchen. I wanted to look at my husband with stars in my eyes and believe he was the most wonderful man I'd ever met, that he was sent straight from heaven to me. But I'd been hurt before and, quite frankly, who wants to set themselves up for that again? I had to remind him I could just as easily do without him, if I ever expected to keep from being wounded again, right? Wrong. That only made him distance himself from me and our relationship. They call that a "self-fulfilling prophecy."

Well, Jesus showed me I wasn't perfect. I mean, I guess I knew that, but I'm adorable, so... Yeah, not so much. One time I really hurt Scott. I didn't mean to do it; I didn't think it was that big of a deal. But I felt like public enemy number one. The pain I felt from his hurt plus the pain I felt because he believed I could ever intentionally hurt him was intense. "He didn't even give me the benefit of the doubt!" It was then I realized I hadn't done the same for him. I hadn't even given him a chance. I was guarding against him because of hurt I'd experienced before. How grateful I was that he forgave me -- and even apologized for thinking the worst of me! How grateful I was the Holy Spirit opened my eyes! Wives must treat their husbands with the same grace, mercy, and respect they expect.

And Jesus taught me all about love. Love isn't a cyclone of feelings and passionate kisses on starry nights. Love is giving, trusting, putting others first, striving, carrying another's burdens when necessary, and respecting another imperfect person. ("Not exactly the stuff you'd find on a refrigerator magnet," as our pastor would say.)

God, through Paul says marriage is a model of Christ's relationship with the church. Wives must submit to their husbands in the same way they submit to the Lord. Looking back, I know I was not respectful and submitted to my husband because I was disrespectful and disobedient to the Lord. "As the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." What if the church was to decide to "go it alone"? (Sadly, some have.) What is a church without Jesus leading it? What is the purpose of calling it "church" without Christ? And what is the purpose of marrying someone I refuse to follow?

1 Peter 3, directs wives to submit to husbands who don't even follow the Lord. Not one word about his deserving it or earning it; not a word about poor decisions or bad investments or broken promises or ungodly motives. We are simply to follow God's orders, having a gentle and quiet spirit, loving and blessing our husband, and let the Lord deal with our husband's heart.

Maybe the same way He dealt with mine.

Old Kitchen, New Kitchen (A Modern Day Parable)

Last year Scott and I remodeled our kitchen. It was loooong overdue. I'm not sure how you feel about God and kitchens, but I felt as though He was prompting me to get this project off the ground -- trust me, I did not want to! My old kitchen was all I'd know for more than twenty years. My old kitchen had been a school room for my children and the origin of many Monday morning breakfasts with them. My old kitchen was one of the only rooms in our home that looked virtually the same as it did the day we moved in. Everything was exactly where I knew it to be; I moved around easily in this sort of culinary ballet. If it ain't broke... But it was. Linoleum peeling, cabinet doors falling off with regularity, exposed floor joists, a temperamental dishwasher, and a stained Formica counter-top. I didn't care, but Scott did. He begged; he threatened. Nothing worked; I was comfortable in my broken old kitchen.

Early last year I began to think about it. The simple fact I would entertain the thought caught Scott off guard -- "Really?" From there it went to gathering ideas and sorting which elements I wanted to remain and which needed a redo. Months before, I'd wanted it all to remain! This was progress. As I thought more seriously about our remodel, I began to count the cost: nights of pizza and mornings of breakfast sandwiches while the kitchen was down; the cost of materials; workdays lost as my husband stayed home to remodel our kitchen. "Show me, God, how all of this is going to happen, if that's what You want." It was a slow, methodical process -- a walk, if you will -- until my broken old kitchen was a memory, and my new kitchen was open for business, ready to serve!

But this is not a simple story of kitchens old and new. This is a redemption story, my story. And maybe yours as well. Like my kitchen, I, too, was broken. In my brokenness, I learned to cope, to function. In my brokenness I found new ways to keep going and make things happen. In my brokenness I survived relationships and time. In my brokenness I learned to avoid or handle carefully those things that would, at the slightest touch fall apart or even harm me. My brokenness wasn't ideal, but it was comfortable, familiar. I really hated to leave it. But the truth was, I was immersed in brokenness, and unable to see what life would look like if I were made whole. Oh, I had ideas. I would look like everyone else. I'd be saccharin sweet and smiling. Everything would be "just wonderful!" I would be a doormat, and I'd wear long denim skirts and Birkenstocks, and tell everyone how my perfect, kind husband brushes my hair each night. (Okay, it was a bit twisted; but I was just not ready to be that person!)

That, though, is not usually how God works. He meets us where we are. He begins with a thought, or a change that leads to another. And time goes by and there's another. And another. And before you know it, this process has taken place. And God is in it. And suddenly, you're excited, and you're embracing the change. And you want more. And you're excited to tell others about these changes; you're excited to serve and to share and to go wherever He takes you. And if He calls you to be a pastor, you go; and if He calls you to be a taxi driver, you go. But it becomes all about Him and what He wants; and He doesn't want you broken anymore.

I look at my kitchen now. It's a far cry from what it used to be. It is eclectic with a rustic element to it. We have commercial-style fixtures, recycled cabinetry and an intentional bent toward functionality and entertaining. It is the perfect expression of who I am -- today.

Vanquished!

Somewhere in the mosquito world there is a picture of me with a headline in bold print:

WANTED: Eaten Alive!

Mosquitoes flock to me like moths to a flame, like cat hair to a sweater, like -- well, you get the idea. If there are eighty people in the room and one mosquito, that mosquito will find me and extract every drop of blood it possibly can before that corpulent little sucker (literally) collapses in euphoria on a windowsill somewhere.

The other morning I sat down at my desk and it began -- that high-pitched, weed-whacker in overdrive sound. Contrary to popular (or not so popular) belief, you can hear it coming. (see "When You Hear Nothing, Look Out!") So, there it was, humming in my ear. tzzzzzz! I swatted. And I felt its wispy little wings across my face. I swatted again. tzzzzzzz! Over to the other ear. "This is going to be a long day," I thought. tzzzzzz! tzzzzzz! In the midst of all this swatting and humming I had things to do. Phones to answer. Drivers to direct. And before I knew it, I was engrossed in what I was supposed to be doing. Several minutes later, I was making room for the next round of paperwork, and there, beneath my keyboard...

It was a beautiful sight. Vanquished! And I hadn't even been trying.

God does that sometimes. Think about your need for a Savior. Two thousand years ago, did you know you needed one? You weren't around two thousand years ago, you say? Exactly my point! Even before God sent His Son, even before Jesus died and rose again, God knew we needed a Savior. Thousands of years before we were even born provision was made, a plan was in place -- and what did we have to do to for it? Nothing! God already had it covered. Our Savior paid for each sin on the cross -- He was full propitiation; and He conquered death and rose from the tomb. Our enemy vanquished!

Now, I could have gone on swatting and dodging the humming in my head for the rest of my day, but there was no need -- my disgusting, parasitic tormentor was dead. Vanquished! And all I had to do was believe it! I didn't slay that vile beast, but I didn't go on in fear either. I accepted the beast was dead, gone, and I went about the business to which I was called.

Be blessed today and walk in the freedom that belongs to those who serve Jesus Christ our Lord!

A Penny for Your Thoughts

Can you tell me why people hate "the rich," but spend crazy money trying to win the lottery?

Jesus loved the rich. Well, sure, Jesus loved everybody; but, surely, He didn't approve of the rich, right? Wrong, He loved them. Abraham was wealthy. God rewarded Solomon with wealth. Job was wealthy before he became ultra-wealthy! Expensive gifts were presented to Jesus in childhood; pure nard valued in the tens of thousands today, was poured on Jesus' feet -- and He encouraged it! Jesus loved the rich.

Mark 10:17-27, provoked my thinking this morning. The young man that approaches Jesus is, we can assume, an achiever, an up-and-comer of his day. "What must I do?" he asks. But true discipleship is not a works-driven life; it is a life in which faith and works are two sides of the same coin, so to speak. Faith produces works which, in their implementation, grow and strengthen our faith.

"Then Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said..." (v. 21)

Just stop there for a second. This young man had it all wrong. Jesus said, "I know you know what to do, but I want you to know who you were made to be." Jesus had compassion on this young man; His heart was breaking for him. He loved him.

Scripture tells us the young man went away sad; but I don't think he was alone in his sadness. I think Jesus was sad as well.

"How hard it is for those who have riches (verse 24 says "trust in riches") to enter the kingdom of God!" (v. 23)

Where did that exclamation point come from? Do we know from the original text that Jesus was emphatic? Was it anger or judgment? Was this a "woe" kind of statement (as it is so often suggested to be)? Or  do we insert the judgment and woe, the bitter jealousy of those who have not been given great wealth?

Jesus was not filled with contempt at this young man or the money he possessed (after all, Jesus had given it to him). He was sad and righteously angry at the grip money had on this young man's life and by extension, his soul. Jesus was mourning the loss of this young man aloud, possibly, that others might see wealth for the tremendous responsibility -- even hardship -- it is; that others might love and have compassion on those with wealth.

James 3:1 tells us to be aware, those who become teachers will be judged more strictly. We understand the responsibility a teacher bears, and we esteem godly teachers as courageous givers of a precious gift. Do we consider those with money as highly? Are we praying for them as they steward their finances? that they not fall into temptation? that they continue to be gracious with the blessing God has given them? that they remain wholly God's and do not allow money to be their first love?

"It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." (v.25)

Jesus doesn't say the rich can't or don't enter the kingdom of God. He is saying it is hard for them, and it's not necessarily a responsibility we should want or a dream we should chase. As with us all, the rich cannot do it in their own strength; but "with God all things are possible." I'm just pretty sure Jesus would want us praying for them.

And that's my two cents.