Withholding Respect

"Happiness is being married to your best friend."

Yes, it is. Scott makes it incredibly easy. But, I've learned a lot about my relationship with him through my relationship with the Lord. Take respect, for instance.

I wasn't always respectful. I was tough and independent and self-sufficient and could verbally emasculate a man in minutes. No way was I going to get stepped on by any man! I wanted to be that stand-by-your-man, gentle, obedient, barefoot-and-pregnant, content woman in the kitchen. I wanted to look at my husband with stars in my eyes and believe he was the most wonderful man I'd ever met, that he was sent straight from heaven to me. But I'd been hurt before and, quite frankly, who wants to set themselves up for that again? I had to remind him I could just as easily do without him, if I ever expected to keep from being wounded again, right? Wrong. That only made him distance himself from me and our relationship. They call that a "self-fulfilling prophecy."

Well, Jesus showed me I wasn't perfect. I mean, I guess I knew that, but I'm adorable, so... Yeah, not so much. One time I really hurt Scott. I didn't mean to do it; I didn't think it was that big of a deal. But I felt like public enemy number one. The pain I felt from his hurt plus the pain I felt because he believed I could ever intentionally hurt him was intense. "He didn't even give me the benefit of the doubt!" It was then I realized I hadn't done the same for him. I hadn't even given him a chance. I was guarding against him because of hurt I'd experienced before. How grateful I was that he forgave me -- and even apologized for thinking the worst of me! How grateful I was the Holy Spirit opened my eyes! Wives must treat their husbands with the same grace, mercy, and respect they expect.

And Jesus taught me all about love. Love isn't a cyclone of feelings and passionate kisses on starry nights. Love is giving, trusting, putting others first, striving, carrying another's burdens when necessary, and respecting another imperfect person. ("Not exactly the stuff you'd find on a refrigerator magnet," as our pastor would say.)

God, through Paul says marriage is a model of Christ's relationship with the church. Wives must submit to their husbands in the same way they submit to the Lord. Looking back, I know I was not respectful and submitted to my husband because I was disrespectful and disobedient to the Lord. "As the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." What if the church was to decide to "go it alone"? (Sadly, some have.) What is a church without Jesus leading it? What is the purpose of calling it "church" without Christ? And what is the purpose of marrying someone I refuse to follow?

1 Peter 3, directs wives to submit to husbands who don't even follow the Lord. Not one word about his deserving it or earning it; not a word about poor decisions or bad investments or broken promises or ungodly motives. We are simply to follow God's orders, having a gentle and quiet spirit, loving and blessing our husband, and let the Lord deal with our husband's heart.

Maybe the same way He dealt with mine.