What I Learned on My Summer Vacation

You remember the first few days of the school year, right? What I Did on My Summer Vacation was the ubiquitous assignment. Well, learning never stops and, some time around May, when the gravity of a summer of firsts with our young man began to settle into my soul, I developed a plan. As it is with a lot of plans, it had its successes and failures. Here's what those outcomes taught me:

1. Take your time. "Don't expect this child to be the same as the others. Don't expect him to embrace things as quickly as you'd like. Leave room for him to choose." Okay, I knew that going in; but what I learned was, seriously, take your time. Spending the summer with a nine-year old, wondering how I was going to keep him busy and engaged, was the bulk of my planning; Vacation Bible Schools, classes at the library, day trips-- Hey, former homeschooler here! I got this! But to expect him to jump on board with days of grocery shopping, post office runs, paperwork, and emails would have been mental suicide. I scheduled plenty of breaks: puddles to jump in or woods to walk, rocks to climb. There were days when, after breakfast was finally eaten and toys were eventually picked up and teeth were brushed --no, I mean really brushed --and bathroom needs were addressed again and socks were on and woobie was found, we pulled out of the drive with barely enough time to complete one errand, much less all of them. But that was okay. In fact, it was good! Because the lesson I learned was that I didn't have to squeeze every errand into one day, and I didn't have to freak out about stuff that didn't matter. I began to understand that I need a break, too; and that each day, with all of its available moments have been given to us to steward by the One who is sovereign and mighty. Whatever He deems important, He will give me the resources to accomplish. To fill each moment with "productivity" isn't necessarily holy or good. Who am I relying on to determine what is or is not productive? To whom will the credit go when my list is complete? What is the cost of my productivity? Relationships? Peace? And, if I'm being honest, will the list ever stop? Aren't I setting myself up for failure? What sort of example am I setting for my children? Do I want them to feel as inadequate as I do? to be as stressed out as I am? Or do I want them to enjoy the gift of life given to them by a benevolent God?

2. Have integrity. In my earlier days, there was yelling, there were spankings, there were threats, there were moments in which I took things so personally that my reaction made no sense to the children I was supposed to be training. The idea of cultivating relationship with my children was ludicrous to me. Of course I have a relationship with my children! They're my children! Gentleness, kindness, humility were so far under my radar when it came to the way I interacted with my children... They obeyed first and we had fun afterward. Well, I just spent an entire summer with a young man I not only can't spank, but I have no desire to spank. And it's not a "pity thing" --This poor boy has been through so much, I can't bear... No, this is a commonsense thing. This is a new way of doing things that can work for both of us thing. This is a cherishing the person God has entrusted to me thing. Our young man responds --as I think many of us do --to relationship, to someone spending time with him, correcting him gently, speaking calmly, saying what they mean and meaning what they say, acting with integrity. Am I taking the time to differentiate between the magnitude of an infraction and my opinion about that infraction? Am I giving others what they are due, either by allowing or furnishing an appropriate consequence --positive or negative? Am I trusting God for outcomes? Am I utilizing my experience to train us and bring us closer to who God has designed us to be? Do I practice what I preach? 

3. Get outside. Whenever I've had the privilege of raising children or spending time with them, my go-to has been the great outdoors. It's a great way, after all, to encourage them to burn off steam. So, why, when I am alone, do I barricade myself indoors? Aren't there things I need to burn off? the mental fatigue of traffic? the frustration of a day that isn't going as I'd planned? emotional hurt? Don't I need to refocus on the beauty God created just for us? a place to live that is not only practical but wonderful? Gratitude comes when we intentionally provide new and unique experiences for our God-given senses. Take a second look at that sunset. Listen to those birds in a way you've never listened before. Draw in deeply the cool, fresh air of the first moments of morning. Feel the crunch of dry leaves under your feet. Taste and see the Lord is good!

Not only in summer, but all year long!

Midweek: Grace for the Moment Daily Bible, NKJV

Happy Wednesday! Thomas Nelson Bibles has again given me the opportunity to take a look at a complimentary copy of their Grace for the Moment Daily Bible, NKJV. The copy I received is a hardback (with dust jacket), double-column, red-letter edition printed in 8.5-point Comfort Print®. It comes with a lifetime guarantee. There is a dedication page, a blue satin ribbon marker, and, in case you don't recognize the Grace for the Moment citation, an introduction written by Max Lucado himself. 

This is a devotional Bible, meaning it takes on the Bible in a Year format: 365 entries beginning with Genesis 1 on January 1st. The text continues throughout the year, following the general order of Old Testament books with each day including a sequential New Testament passage, a sequential psalm, and a sequential reading from Proverbs. Additionally, each entry begins with a snippet of Scripture taken from one of the day's passages and a brief devotional from Max Lucado. 

There aren't any maps or study notes or cross references, so typical church or study use would not be an appropriate application of this book. In fact, I would submit, it could easily be characterized as a devotional with an attached Bible. Upon opening the text daily, your mind would be initially directed to Scripture (Then God said, 'Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness. ~ Genesis 1:26), then a thought from the pen of author Max Lucado (Day One, an excerpt from his book No Wonder They Call Him the Savior). The meditations by Lucado are not long at all, for those who may not be diehard fans, providing clarity or simply another perspective. What follows are two chapters from the Old Testament (Genesis 1 and 2 on the first day of the year), a psalm or portion of Psalms and Proverbs (Psalm 1 and Proverbs 1:1-7 on January 1st), and a New Testament chapter or portion of a chapter (Matthew 1, in this example). In addition to a time of reflection, prompted by Lucado's meditation, daily Bible reading is encouraged and facilitated.

If you are a Max Lucado fan and if you are looking for a devotional Bible this might be a great choice. It's compact and comprehensive format make having your quiet time on the go easy. The hardcover edition is available through FaithGateway and Christianbook for $27.99. The softcover edition is slightly less expensive and is currently on sale (until November) at FaithGateway for $19.99, making some early Christmas shopping affordable.

    

This Place

Little hands dug deeply into the knot just to the left of my shoulder. I hadn't asked for a back rub, I hadn't particularly wanted one (I was in the middle of Bible study with a friend at the time), and I certainly hadn't told anyone about the knot. Was it a bid for attention? Was it his need for physical touch? Did he genuinely want to do something kind? He was quiet, he was content, and the fact he was targeting just the spot that had annoyed me all day made me question whether God was up to something. I continued with our study. 

This journey is a journey of learning. Learning what motivates him, what irritates him, learning to respect his boundaries and not to judge. It's also a journey of self-discovery, particularly since this is something of a parenting "Round 3" for me, particularly since "Round 1" did not include me trying to raise my children in the Lord, and "Round 2" provided only limited authority in that area. So as a believer raising a child not yet in the double-digits, this is new territory. A mom without her mom, raising a child who has never truly known one mom; this journey can be convoluted and tempestuous, trudging through the depths of that scenario. A woman with trauma and trouble in her past, craving distance and --if I'm being honest --isolation when the child we're loving on needs to be brought close and included. In raising children, our true selves are revealed, and it's not always this glorious unfolding as a flower reaching full bloom. Some days it looks more like the light of a freight train barreling toward me as I stand, paralyzed with fear in a cold, dark tunnel. Am I selling the whole adoption thing yet?

There is one central truth I spend difficult moments confessing, indications of progress celebrating, and quiet times considering: God has brought me to this place. I don't say this casually. From the dysfunction of my childhood to the self-imposed chaos of my twenties and thirties, from the legalism and the people-pleasing to the substance abuse and addictive behaviors --it's all being used by a God who is sovereign to shape the terrain of this path. Here's why you see things this way. Here's what not to do. Recall how you felt when... There are very real consequences to that choice; you know them well. 

And preparation through life lessons are not the end of it. There is the challenge and encouragement of a "do-over." Those life lessons were once mistakes and transgressions. In this season, I have the opportunity to do something new and the desire to do something for God's glory. My previous choices may have been out of desperation or ignorance or self-aggrandizement, but today I have a purpose and calling: today I am a minister of reconciliation. The choices I make --like allowing a tiny masseuse to go to work during a Bible study --I make bearing in mind God's heart and God's plan for the world's salvation.

Lastly, and this is the biggie: How can I confidently confess God has brought me to this place? Because I did not choose this. Adoption, specifically adoption, was my husband's idea. I wanted to serve. I wanted to help. I wanted to share the good news of Jesus with a child. My prayer was simply, Thy will be done. I asked my God to close any doors He did not want open and to thwart any opportunity that was not in accordance with His will. I am not noble, selfless, a model of charity; I am His child, and as such, lavished with grace and equipped to do His will. When the seemingly endless line of social workers and legal agents visit our home, I hope they think --I want them to think there's nothing more I desire than to be this immersed in the life of a child. I pray they see the relationship that has developed between this young man and I, the love I have for him, and think to themselves, "This is a dream come true for all parties involved." I'm not talking about putting on some sort of show or being disingenuous; I'm saying that I hope they see Christ in me --that is who He is, that is how He sees this; and that is what propels me forward in this journey: the assurance this is all by His design and implementation, for His glory. 

To Imbed in Hesed

Earlier this week, I was hanging out in Psalm 26. I'd like to take a look at the first line of verse 3 today:

For Your lovingkindness is before my eyes, (NKJV)

The word translated "lovingkindness," is the Hebrew word hesed. Hesed can be defined as goodness, kindness, or faithfulness, and is often translated as mercy or steadfast love. gotquestions.org says hesed describes a sense of love and loyalty that inspires merciful and compassionate behavior toward another person. Author Lois Tverberg says hesed intervenes on behalf of loved ones and comes to their rescue. Hesed, if I may add my two cents, is fierce Mama Bear love, with Labrador loyalty and Good Samaritan philanthropy, lavished on humanity at the cross in the selfless and bloody sacrifice of One who is perfect love, a promise kept from the time the word was given in the Garden of Eden. Hesed! 

I say all of this to ask, Knowing you are loved in such a way, what does this change about your life? Living your life loved in such a manner enables you to do what, exactly?

I remember when Scott and I first began dating. He was so kind, so encouraging, so thoughtful. It changed the way I thought about myself. I wanted better for myself. I wanted to treat myself better. And, by extension, I wanted the same for those around me. His love changed my point of view! BUT we saw each other daily, we worked together, we talked constantly, we deliberately planned dates and secret, silly rendezvouses in the hall; we surreptitiously made eye contact and called one another when "our song" came on the radio. Moment after moment was spent developing our feelings for one another; our love for one another was forever "before our eyes."

Back to the answers to those questions. Love, especially perfect love is life-altering, transformative. It can produce boldness where only fear lived before, compassion in place of selfishness, gentleness instead of disrespect. BUT lovingkindness must be "before our eyes." The lovingkindness of our Savior --His very character --must be given our attention. Deliberately. 

Why deliberately? Because we are imbedded in a society ruled by the Prince of this world, the Enemy, our Adversary, the Father of Lies, Satan. The culture, the principles and points of view of the world are constantly "before our eyes." Ads, music, expectations, conversations, movies, societal "norms," education. We are bombarded by the world's way of life; we're perpetually indoctrinated. Corporations often send top candidates away to skills development symposiums, pulling them out of the daily work environment to better restructure their thinking and habits in a place designed to facilitate specific results. Why is that? To represent the company, you must think like the company; you must know what it means to truly be part of the company; you must develop some form of love for it and loyalty to it. And we somehow think we can just wing it?! We find ourselves at the foot of the cross, vowing to follow the Lord, and then we step back and wait for the feelings to come. Meanwhile, our thoughts and attitudes --and by extension, our behavior --are being manipulated by the world "before our eyes." How much time out of our day do we take to contemplate the hesed of our Father God, to keep that before our eyes? Without the love of God, we are ineffective. We can't think rightly about ourselves, or want better for ourselves, or treat ourselves better --or anyone else for that matter! As long as our minds are being trained by the world in which we live, we are impotent, foolish, purposeless, and wicked. BUT in keeping the lovingkindness of God before our eyes, in deliberately immersing ourselves in Bible culture and the fellowship and mentorship of other believers, we change our minds and change our lives. Hesed becomes our driving force for obedience and life. We can respectfully disagree when the doctor recommends aborting your child. We can boldly knock on doors and ask for the help when we're told we'll never get it. We can train and plan and rehearse when it appears impossible to qualify. We can share the gospel with others who have rejected it again and again, because the hesed of our Lord and Savior is before our eyes and the ways of the world are nothing more than a faint memory of how things once were.