Midweek: School Is in Session

I am a lifelong learner. I give tons of credit to my early elementary teachers who made their classrooms a safe place, a place of wonder and discovery. I'd like to think my love for learning has been passed on to some of our children. One is enrolled in college courses despite having multiple children at home. One devours all genres of reading and digital material. And our youngest absolutely loves school! FULL DISCLOSURE: It's the structure he loves. But when not in the classroom, when walking about town doing errands or taking a detour through the park, he is as attentive to my teaching and as inquisitive as any child could be. And, as a former homeschooler, I try to teach as we go.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 is one of my favorite passages of Scripture:

And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Can you see it? Can you picture, quietly walking along, maybe dismantling a stick or piece of grass, talking with your child about Noah's obedience or Paul's tenacity in serving the Lord? This is what we as parents are to do. We are to take every opportunity to teach our children about the God we serve SO THAT they might be enticed to serve Him as well. We are to be living examples and use the examples we encounter as we live. We are to talk to our children about our failures and God's mercy. We must demonstrate mercy toward them when they fail. We are to direct their eyes to the One who really fed them that day. We are to stir in them a love for serving the Lord in the same way my teachers stirred in me a love for learning. Our home should be a safe place, not marked by judgment or hypocrisy. Our home should be a place in which we are always wondering at the goodness and power of God; where we are daily studying to discover more about Him and are filled with a joyful preparedness to discover where He is directing our steps. If Scripture is ours, personal and integrated, it will be to us as natural to share as our family history or the cherished tales of fun-filled family vacations. If our homes are bathed in the promises of God and all who enter are greeted with His image in the faces and lives of its inhabitants, our children will do more than learn. They will want to learn. And they will return to that learning even if they stray. 

Teaching our children --and that goes for our adult children as well --teaching our children is the responsibility of each and every parent, a personal responsibility. It's not on the Sunday school teacher. It's not on the leader at Explorer Girls or Vacation Bible School. We, we parents are to teach them. And it is never "too late." I wish I had the time back. I wish I'd not failed my children so many times. But I have been given today and, as far as I know, tomorrow. The opportunities still exist, and it's on me to seize them, to encourage my children and grandchildren to be lifelong learners in the School of Discipleship for Jesus Christ. 

 

Across the Lake

That evening, Jesus said to his followers, “Let’s go across the lake.”
~ Mark 4:35 NCV

I watched as our youngest began pursuing the dog for the second time that morning. He'd been up less than ten minutes, and he was already looking to get into something. This time I corrected him, and he, of course, denied it. I sighed. What is it this time? I wondered. The reality is, it doesn't have to be anything, really. He has no idea what today will be like, it hasn't even started, and that's what terrifies him. And that's when I really saw myself in him. I've known all along, we're not very different, he and I, but seeing him actively working to "burn it down" made me realize what drives much of my bad behavior. Fear of the unknown. That old expression, Better the devil you know than the devil you may meet, has been something of a way of life for me. If I burn this relationship down now, if I ruin my day from the start, if I destroy my diet before breakfast... I never have to wonder how things will turn out. Will he cheat on me? Will the day end with me wishing I'd never been born? Will I eat half a box of Oreos? Done! Problem solved. Question answered. But... What if we fell in love? What if it was the best day ever? What if I felt great and slept more soundly? Is having the answers to everything worth the price of never watching the unknown gently, surprisingly reveal itself? Is knowing what will be as life-giving as discovering the possibilities? Is writing my own ending better than what is meant to be? I have, in far too many ways, opted for answers. Answers provide control. If I know what's up ahead, I can perhaps, take the detour I might choose. If I know things won't work out, I can refuse to try. If I know what lies inside all of those papered and ribboned boxes under the tree, I can prepare for disappointment and summon some fake joy. 

And yet, I've lived a good life, a happy life --I am O!K! That is, until I really start to examine what this means in terms of my faith. The morning I watched our son, God made it clear to me. I've left it no secret that I've battled addiction. My addiction has manifested itself in substance abuse and other compulsive behaviors, but the root issue itself is avoidance. I'm introverted, for sure, but I don't suffer from panic attacks or sweaty palms when I am in the presence of others; I simply don't want to be. When I am in my feels, I don't want to deal with voices or text messages or other people's problems or making breakfast for someone or traffic or even the effort it takes me to speak. In the words of a certain fictional ballerina, I want to be alone. When I'm overwhelmed, when I'm afraid, when I simply don't know, my go-to is avoidance. It would make sense to use my big words and ask for a few minutes (which, if I'm being honest, when I am not held to account, those few minutes could become months); or I could take a deep breath and whisper a prayer. Instead, I avoid; I hide behind a litany of excuses and invented obligations. Oh, I'd love to, but... And when avoidance is not an option, I burn the moment, the day, an entire relationship to the ground. Or, at least, I did.

I have found other ways to cope --not all beneficial. I eat. I scroll. I pace. I exercise --a lot! Do something creative! we encourage our youngest. Great advice; if only I followed it myself. Let's go for a walk! Let's play a boardgame! Helping him redirect his energy should help me develop the habit of redirecting my own. Do you need a hug? How about if I pray with you? Refusing to allow his fears to stir up my own, then squashing them all at once. It's a work in progress. And we are here to live. Jesus died that we might have eternal life; not a perfect existence or days filled with bliss or all of the answers. Part of life --at least on this side of heaven --is facing the unknown day after day, not having all the answers, but knowing we have been invited to cross the lake. And God, in His infinite mercy, assures us we are not alone, that He is with us and His Spirit dwells within those who plead the blood of Jesus. Life with Him is all about stepping into the boat and, maybe, sailing through a storm or two. It may not be easy, it may not be the path we would choose; it may make our flesh recoil and our minds swirl, but we'll never know what might have been --we cannot know what God will do on the other side, if we've used our vessel for kindling. 

Is It Faith or a Lack of Options?

As I watched our youngest in the pool, my mind went back to the days when our "middle set" of children were small. Jump! C'mon, Daddy will catch you. Just jump! Swing sets and pool sides demanded courage they were not quite certain they had. But Daddy was always there to catch them. Did they have to jump? No, of course not. But their daddy was so convincing, had proven himself so trustworthy, and they were confident to try something --even apparently risky --because the one they loved and knew would always hold them up was encouraging them to do it. Oh, to have the faith of a child! But grown-ups have resources. We can reach the bottom of the pool. We can climb to the top of the ladder. We can interview for the dream job, cast our vote for a candidate, speak out against injustice, fix the air conditioner, even lower our own blood pressure through proper diet and exercise. We have so many talents and techniques at our disposal. Why would we ever need to trust anyone?

My husband and I have had some REALLY BIG things happen in our life --not all good. In fact, some things have been downright awful, but every time, I've sat in my office, my Bible open before me, and said, "Jesus, I trust You, no matter what!" Long story short, I have. I've "demonstrated great faith in difficult times." Or, at least, that's what my hubris seemed to reassure. But is it really faith when you're out of options? Is it really faith when your back is against the wall and there's nothing you can do to change the circumstances? Trust me, it's not. In fact, it's a tremendous offense. To say I trust God only because I'm in a situation in which I need Him, a situation in which only He can make things good, is an awful, awful testimony and an even worse way to be His. Like some vending machine in the sky, I seek Him for the tough stuff and handle the rest myself. Although I talk to Him throughout the day, I read His Word, I want to serve Him and please Him, my role in our relationship has proven to be self-serving. 

How can I wholeheartedly, unquestioningly, consistently obey? I can't! Hence, the bad behavior! At least, not on my own. Even the Apostle Paul realized the struggle between zealously wanting to do what God requires and his sinful, maybe knee-jerk reactions that were clearly disobedient but profoundly part of his behavior. I can't control the dog who did a burnout on the hardwoods because the child I can't control panicked over the bee he let in when he checked the mail full of bills which I can't control because my husband's been out of work because customers I can't control are hesitant about spending money in a market I can't control. And so on, and so on until all the donuts are gone and I've lost my mind pacing and snapping at people because I just want to run away. Fear. Lack of control. And no faith. Hand me a terminal diagnosis or a notice of foreclosure any day: you'll see steadfastness, "faith" beyond explanation. Only because of the lack of options. But hand me a day packed with uncertainty and quirks and left turns from the right lane and the need for follow-up emails to follow-up emails and people excitedly chattering about their day while I'm trying to think and dinner that refuses to cook itself, and watch me lose my mind; see what "true faith" I have.

Praise God for His abundant mercy! He is, by the work of His Holy Spirit teaching me faith for the little foxes that will, if given time and opportunity, decimate the vineyard --His vineyard. I am His, and He will use me for His glory. And here is a wonderful reassurance: not only will He continue to transform me so that I am equipped to bring Him glory, but it is also the process of that transformation, the work He does through the circumstances we encounter that brings Him glory! He gets it whether I comply or not --because of His mercy, because of His forbearance, because of His grace, because of His benevolence, because of His sovereignty... He gets His fame whether I live long enough to eagerly, obediently, without hesitation leave the safety and security of the pool side or not! He will have His honor whether I shove Him to the side and choose to employ the resources at my disposal or not. But how gracious He is to beckon each of us, to ask us to fall willingly into His arms whether we see other options or not!

Midweek: Savoring This Season

What seems mere days ago, I was anticipating the beginning of Summer. What would we like to do once school is out? Possibility: how on earth will we fill the time? How will my teaching schedule acquiesce to my duties as a full-time mother? Logistics: how on earth will this work? And yet, here we are, with this season drawing so rapidly to a close once again. The question of possibilities was answered in abundance with a scarcity of time. The question of logistics was answered with the cooperation and support of many in our community. By God's grace, this season has not only been survived but savored!

Not every season is enjoyable. Not every season appears bearable or possible at the outset. But it is seasons we all undergo. In 1623, John Donne, as he suffered through an unknown and debilitating illness wrote a series of devotions which were later published in Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions. To read the excerpt I choose to share with you today, one has to grasp the severity of Donne's situation. During this time, crowding, poor sanitation, and an influx of people from all over the globe caused a series of diseases to barrage England and take many to their graves. Donne had no idea which if any of these infirmities ravaged his body; he could only surmise from his affliction that this would indeed end in death. He remained isolated (due to the fear of contagion) and bedridden for months. Without answers, community, vocation, health, even the strength to leave his bed, Donne boldly and faithfully used such a season to fix his eyes on the One who not only had permitted it but remained with him in it. His suffering was a blessing to us all.        

O MOST mighty and most merciful God, who, though Thou have taken me off of my feet, hast not taken me off of my foundation, which is Thyself; who, though Thou have removed me from that upright form in which I could stand and see Thy throne, the heavens, yet hast not removed from me that light by which I can lie and see Thyself; who, though Thou have weakened my bodily knees, that they cannot bow to Thee, hast yet left me the knees of my heart; which are bowed unto Thee evermore; as Thou hast made this bed Thine altar, make me Thy sacrifice; and as Thou makest Thy Son Christ Jesus the priest, so make me His deacon, to minister to Him in a cheerful surrender of my body and soul to Thy pleasure, by His hands. I come unto Thee, O God, my God, I come unto Thee, so as I can come, I come to Thee, by embracing Thy coming to me, I come in the confidence, and in the application of thy servant David's promise, that Thou wilt make all my bed in my sickness; all my bed; that which way soever I turn, I may turn to Thee; and as I feel Thy hand upon all my body, so I may find it upon all my bed, and see all my corrections, and all my refreshings to flow from one in the same, and all from Thy hand.

By God's grace, Donne survived this illness; it was but for a season. His determination to worship and to serve in whatever capacity made available to him is an encouragement to all of us in our seasons. When time is in abundance and you are uncertain how to fill it, seek and pray for the Lord to teach you stewardship. When obligations are many and you cannot see how you will ever manage to fill them well, seek and pray for the Lord to send laborers to help. When your eyes are failing, your body is weak, and you are unable to rise from your bed, seek and pray, for God will hear your praises no matter in what condition you find yourself!