Is It Faith or a Lack of Options?

As I watched our youngest in the pool, my mind went back to the days when our "middle set" of children were small. Jump! C'mon, Daddy will catch you. Just jump! Swing sets and pool sides demanded courage they were not quite certain they had. But Daddy was always there to catch them. Did they have to jump? No, of course not. But their daddy was so convincing, had proven himself so trustworthy, and they were confident to try something --even apparently risky --because the one they loved and knew would always hold them up was encouraging them to do it. Oh, to have the faith of a child! But grown-ups have resources. We can reach the bottom of the pool. We can climb to the top of the ladder. We can interview for the dream job, cast our vote for a candidate, speak out against injustice, fix the air conditioner, even lower our own blood pressure through proper diet and exercise. We have so many talents and techniques at our disposal. Why would we ever need to trust anyone?

My husband and I have had some REALLY BIG things happen in our life --not all good. In fact, some things have been downright awful, but every time, I've sat in my office, my Bible open before me, and said, "Jesus, I trust You, no matter what!" Long story short, I have. I've "demonstrated great faith in difficult times." Or, at least, that's what my hubris seemed to reassure. But is it really faith when you're out of options? Is it really faith when your back is against the wall and there's nothing you can do to change the circumstances? Trust me, it's not. In fact, it's a tremendous offense. To say I trust God only because I'm in a situation in which I need Him, a situation in which only He can make things good, is an awful, awful testimony and an even worse way to be His. Like some vending machine in the sky, I seek Him for the tough stuff and handle the rest myself. Although I talk to Him throughout the day, I read His Word, I want to serve Him and please Him, my role in our relationship has proven to be self-serving. 

How can I wholeheartedly, unquestioningly, consistently obey? I can't! Hence, the bad behavior! At least, not on my own. Even the Apostle Paul realized the struggle between zealously wanting to do what God requires and his sinful, maybe knee-jerk reactions that were clearly disobedient but profoundly part of his behavior. I can't control the dog who did a burnout on the hardwoods because the child I can't control panicked over the bee he let in when he checked the mail full of bills which I can't control because my husband's been out of work because customers I can't control are hesitant about spending money in a market I can't control. And so on, and so on until all the donuts are gone and I've lost my mind pacing and snapping at people because I just want to run away. Fear. Lack of control. And no faith. Hand me a terminal diagnosis or a notice of foreclosure any day: you'll see steadfastness, "faith" beyond explanation. Only because of the lack of options. But hand me a day packed with uncertainty and quirks and left turns from the right lane and the need for follow-up emails to follow-up emails and people excitedly chattering about their day while I'm trying to think and dinner that refuses to cook itself, and watch me lose my mind; see what "true faith" I have.

Praise God for His abundant mercy! He is, by the work of His Holy Spirit teaching me faith for the little foxes that will, if given time and opportunity, decimate the vineyard --His vineyard. I am His, and He will use me for His glory. And here is a wonderful reassurance: not only will He continue to transform me so that I am equipped to bring Him glory, but it is also the process of that transformation, the work He does through the circumstances we encounter that brings Him glory! He gets it whether I comply or not --because of His mercy, because of His forbearance, because of His grace, because of His benevolence, because of His sovereignty... He gets His fame whether I live long enough to eagerly, obediently, without hesitation leave the safety and security of the pool side or not! He will have His honor whether I shove Him to the side and choose to employ the resources at my disposal or not. But how gracious He is to beckon each of us, to ask us to fall willingly into His arms whether we see other options or not!