Midweek: You Haven't Got a Pray-er

I cried to Him with my mouth,

And He was extolled with my tongue.

If I regard iniquity in my heart,

The Lord will not hear.

But certainly God has heard me;

He has attended to the voice of my prayer.

Blessed be God,

Who has not turned away my prayer,

Nor His mercy from me!

~ Psalm 66:17-20

The first time I was assigned the task of praying before a congregation, I was probably in my early teens. I wrote my prayer out and discreetly slipped it into the pulpit so I wouldn't have to "wing it." Now, I know a lot of people who read prayers, and I'm not passing judgment on the practice; but the reason I was so terrified of "winging it" was because I was not a pray-er. It may have been assumed I was. Or, more than likely, I wasn't fooling anyone; but I was willing to fill the spot no one else wanted. Nevertheless, the consequences of not being a pray-er was revealed to me many years later when I was asked to lead prayer before a congregation once again. I was in my fifties, had turned my life over to Jesus. I prayed each morning in my quiet time. Check! Check! But none of that made me a pray-er. That morning I stood up and could literally feel the sweat running down my legs. I was certain everyone could hear what a fake I was. More importantly, I was sure I had no right to be there. Not before a congregation. Not even before the Lord. You don't talk to Me but for a few moments each morning and you think you have a right to petition Me on behalf of My people, people who have entrusted you with their concerns and cancers, their joys and joblessness? You offend Me! 

Let me be clear, I did have a right, I do have a right; His name is Jesus. But was I "faking it"? Absolutely. Trying to sound super spiritual, like I do this all the time, like God and I are engaged in conversation constantly. That was an offense. Instead of coming to God as the broken, sometimes jaded, often fearful, too often angry, secretly addicted person that I was, I performed and missed the opportunity to be an honest, surrendered, humble person, upheld by His grace. Consequences.

That day and many since, I have prayed for God to give me the desire, the time, the opportunity, and the insight to intercede for others. I even attempted a prayer closet --once, just once (IYKYK). God has honored my pray-er request again and again. Even on those days or weeks when my prayers just can't catch up to my plotting, He doesn't forsake me; He keeps calling me back to where I need to be --on my face before His throne. But I don't pray because I am super-spiritual; nor do I think pray-ers are. We pray because we are broken and fearful and sometimes doubtful, and there is nothing better that we can do. We pray because we are aware of the pain and the healing, the darkness and the hope, the trials and the victories, the taking and the giving; and because we trust not in the things we see, but in the God who is always listening for the voices of His pray-ers.