Midweek: Lessons Learned in Adoption #1

The adoption process has been a huge part of our lives for the past year. I have been unable to write about some aspects because of the legal nature; I have been hesitant to write about it because of the personal nature. Now that it has become official, now that the newest Murphy has been made such in the eyes of the law, I'd like to share what I have learned along the way.

I'm guessing that many of us can't even imagine what it would be like to be adopted. Before a year or more ago, I couldn't imagine what it was like to adopt. But through this process, I have learned about the needs of children waiting for adoption --even children who are not legally children! --those in their late teens and early twenties who are simply looking for a family to support them through those first difficult years of adulthood or provide a home for them to return to when dormitories shut down for breaks. (Sincerely, these are the ones who break my heart.) And I have learned a bit about trying to see things through the eyes of children whose only parents are the guardians and hard-working foster parents assigned to them by our state's system. I have learned about us, our motives, our weaknesses, our God-given strengths, our purpose. I have learned a little more about why I resisted (and, in mindset, sometimes continue to resist) adoption by my Heavenly Father, and a little more about the love it takes for Him to adopt me in the first place. Over the next couple of Wednesdays, I'd like to share with you some of the lessons learned about adoption --the perfect adoption by our Heavenly Father and the shadow of it here on earth.  

Out of love and out of obedience, Scott and I began the process more than three years ago. Before that, we'd "fallen into" fostering two children. It was a Hey would you be interested in... letter, and a We'll be at your house in an hour with the children phone call kind of thing. Just like that, we were foster parents. And it was chaos. It was one of the hardest seasons we'd encountered up to that point. It tested our marriage and our work relationships. It taxed our time and living spaces. It canceled plans and created ones of which we were not particularly fond. And we fell deeply in love with the children and the privilege of being part of something. We wouldn't have traded those days for the world (or so we thought). Our home became unbearably silent and suffocating the day they were gone. 

With the passage of time, Scott began discussing with me the idea of adoption; my thoughts had turned toward writing and pouring into my mother: at best, I would agree to fostering. But God had shown us what a closed door looks like --they slam without a sound --and I began praying that, rather than my trying to change my husband's mind, God would handle it from His angle. 

The Lesson: I would encourage you to pray, without ceasing --especially with regard to your relationships. Whether you are praying, Lord, is it Your will that we adopt?, or Please teach me how to love and be loved, God hears and will answer. Be prepared to accept His answer. If He has brought you to it, He will bring you through it. And by that I don't mean it will go your way; I don't mean you will come out unchanged or unwounded. What I mean is, He will be with you, and He will do something wonderful out of it. We pray in accordance with His will, and He does the work. He changes hearts and changes circumstances. We obey and He moves. To fight and argue --particularly with those in our family, and no matter how "right" we may be --can provide the perfect opportunity for Satan to sow seeds of dissention and unforgiveness. Nothing is stronger than the power of God, and as I've learned, I don't always know what is best.