Scars

Scars.

Where his breasts once were. 

Where the man she trusted betrayed her with his fists.

Where the tumor will most likely make its reappearance.

Where shards of glass penetrated her once perfect skin.

Where years of hard work have retired in honor.

Where her son entered the world against all odds.

Where childhood neglect has left its mark inside and out.

Where her momentum carried her farther and faster than toddler legs were able to go.

Where the drugs that hold him forge their chains.

Where she has tried to excise the loneliness and imperfection in her heart.

At birth, we receive our first scar. For most, it sits unassumingly in the center of our bodies and is rarely given much thought. It's the scars that are unique to our story that receive the attention. Some are worse than others, have been there longer, are more visible; some remind us of better days, or remind us of unbearable pain. Some are old and faded with time; others demand attention and are painfully new. Some refuse to remain hidden and somehow are made more visible by the ghoulish color of shame. 

I sat looking at my scars the other day-- the ones I can see. So many. So many imperfections and stories to tell and foolish things I've done. The scars that don't show are easily the worst. Rejection and betrayal, callousness and lies. But I won't go there. Reopen those wounds.

I wonder from time to time how God sees my scars. Does He hope I have learned something from them? Does He hope that each time I see one, I will recall the pain and deny the urge to revisit those places? or I will remember where I used to be in light of where He has brought me now? Does He wish I would just put them away and stop fixating on them? Does He even see them, or does the blood of His Son cover the reminders of a world gone wrong? Will I see hands scarred for me when we meet face to face?

My thoughts are interrupted as Luci rests her warm face on my knees. I see her scars. The things she has endured. Her fight to be absolved of the fear she once felt. She has come so far, barely raising her head when my husband vacuums or the sky thunders now. Her scars fill me with compassion for her. I want to encourage her to keep going, to tell her I will be with her, I will help her. I want to tell her there is nothing to fear, that I have scars too. I want to tell her that what others did to her was wrong, but I will lead her into making something better of it; that her scars can be proof of terrible things transformed into beauty.

And I know I have heard God speak.

Location, Location, Location

You don't have to be Magellan to know location is important. You don't want to drive six hours in the wrong direction. You don't want your child boarding the casino bus instead of the school bus. You don't want your dry cleaning thrown into the same bag as your household rags. Location can make all the difference. Even in the Bible. Years ago, I discovered this article on Matt's Bible Blog: Look to the East: What Do Directions Mean in the Bible? I'm not going to steal his thunder; I encourage you to read his article. But briefly, he talks about the significance of moving from East to West, and the importance of moving toward/ closer to God in our relationship with Him.

In Genesis 24, it is time for Abraham to find his son, Isaac, a bride. Abraham asks his servant to swear he will make certain the woman Isaac marries will not be of the Canaanites, the land in which Abraham was living, but would be found in the land from which Abraham had come, in Mesopotamia. The servant questions Abraham as to what he should do if the young lady is unwilling to leave her home and travel with him to Canaan: Must I take your son back to the land from which you came? But Abraham is adamant, Isaac should not return to his family's ancestral home (v.6-8). Here's my question: If the women in Mesopotamia were suitable enough for bride material, why would the place not be suitable enough for Isaac to live there? How was it a good enough place to raise the mother of your grandchildren, but not your grandchildren? Turns out, Mesopotamia was not the issue, Canaan was. God had called His people, Abraham and his descendants, to live in Canaan, not Mesopotamia. For Isaac to return to a place from which God had called his father, and by extension Isaac, would be disobedient and unproductive. (Think: Israel grumbling in the wilderness after they'd been called out of slavery in Egypt, putting your hand to the plow and looking back, or the disciples returning to their fishing nets after Jesus' murder and resurrection, rather than continuing to fish for men, as they had been called.) It would not have been in accordance with God's blessing. Additionally, they would not have been bringing Isaac's bride into blessedness and into the land promised by God to His people. 

Before I get to relevance, let me also point out Exodus 3:1-6. While Moses tended his father-in-law's flocks, he saw a bush blazing with fire but unravaged. He approached for a closer look at this wonder, and God spoke to him: Do not draw near this place. Take your sandals off your feet, for the place where you stand is holy ground. Now, we know, removing shoes is a sign of respect; it is said that, in ancient days, slaves served barefoot, communicating submission and readiness to run. But someone also brought to my attention the rough terrain of the mount on which Moses stood. Removing his shoes would probably make leaving the area an uncomfortable proposition. Essentially, God had Moses' full acquiescence. Interesting, thought, huh?

So, what am I saying? Well, the Bible talks a lot about walking-- particularly, walking in a way that is wise, imitating Christ. We are admonished to stand and hold our ground, as well as to remain near, draw in closely to the Lord. Location is important. We can place our feet in the footsteps of Jesus, doing life the way He did, or we can go it on our own and reap as we sow. We can stand our ground, knowing that Jesus is the rock on which we build our life; or we can attempt to build our life around stuff and the pursuit of stuff, friends and the pursuit of friends, or whatever else seems right to us at the time. We can draw in near to God and know His protection, draw close to hear His voice with clarity, stay within His arm's reach and feel His presence leading us; or we can run as far and as fast as we can, hoping to leave Him in the dust and actually do well with that. (We don't. Trust me when I tell you.) Scripture tells us we are sojourners here on earth. We are not meant to lead static and unproductive lives, tied to the things of this earth and setting up camp as though we will never leave. We are called to more, to a better place; but we are called to follow Christ as He leads us there, to obey His voice and travel when and to whatever location He commands.

His Masterpiece Clearly Seen

I've been thinking about heaven a lot lately. And here's the thing. I think I have no delusions about who I am, but I'm pretty sure I am only scratching the surface. I know that, absent my Redeemer and Teacher and Friend, and His Holy Spirit mightily at work in me, I am a wretch. I am, not the worst of sinners-- the Apostle Paul says that title is his --so that easily makes me something waaaay below that if I was to compare. Point being, I know me. I know the messes I have created single-handedly and with assistance from others. I know the lies I have told and the glory I have stolen. I know the time I have wasted, the things I was supposed to be obediently doing, and the things I have rebelliously done in their stead. I know I have killed my mother a thousand times over with my frustration and snarled demands. I know I have undermined with my impatience the things God is doing in my husband. I know I have placed burdens on my children they were never meant to carry and spoken words to them they should never have heard. Despite all of this, I will one day enter heaven, knowing I belong there, welcomed with open arms. 

As if that isn't mind-blowing enough, what I will recall of my existence on earth-- if anything at all-- will not be sanitized in some way, only the holiness highlight reel, but will be completed, brought to fruition. I will not necessarily know all things, but I will know how God used (in my life) and uses all things for His glory. 1 Corinthians 13:10-12 says:

But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

We will know clearly. That's not to say we will be omniscient, for only God is thus, but in a fullness of purpose sort of way. Does that mean my failures, my curses, my fornications, my jealousies, my busyness, my tirades, my selfishness, my selfish ambitions --all will be as if they never existed? They are now! The blood of Jesus Christ and His righteousness is the only reason I belong in heaven to begin with. But all of that evil, all of those sins will be seen by the light of God's hand on them. I will see the end result, the wonder He wrought with the utter garbage I handed Him.

When my husband and I remodeled our kitchen several years ago, it was important to me that we repurpose old things --not in the sense that a cabinet would be sanded, refinished, and used as a cabinet, but that that which was not by nature a cabinet would now be so. The top of a hutch was disassembled to become a shelf. Wall decor was now a pot rack. And, if I am to be honest, when I forget the origins of these things, their former nature, it is difficult to appreciate their value today. When I look at them with conventional eyes, I see an amalgam of some not so gently used items, of secondhand and landfill-fated possessions that will have to work 'cause that's how it is. But when I study them through the eyes of the bold and innovative artist that selected each one and carefully converted them --warts and all-- into what they are now, I see rebirth and re-creation, the offal of a time that was, used for the beautification and function of what is now.

God is an artist like no other. He takes the sins we hand Him and uses them to weave His tapestry which, I believe, will become apparent to us when we enter His heavenly presence. We will see clearly His redemption of all things. The humility that he whittled from my broken form when my lies were brought to light. His mercy that washed like watercolors across the barren pages of self-righteousness. The love that He grew when my anger and shame were planted deep within the holes in the palms of His hands. His masterpiece made from some of the worst elements anyone could offer a King but hung gloriously in Heaven and waiting for me to see.

Sure I'm Sure! (maybe)

The other morning, I had some place to go. It wasn't a "have to go," more like an "I'd better go;" but I wanted to ask Jesus first. Jesus, if You want me to go over there today, please let me know. So, I began to go about my day normally: I got Mom ready, gave her breakfast, cleaned up, battened down the hatches, and prepared to leave. There was no resounding Yes! or a definitive Stay put! I simply went about the plan as scheduled and figured if I wasn't supposed to go, the Holy Spirit could let me know at any time. I drove the distance, enjoying the sunshine and some uplifting music, arrived and found a great parking spot, went inside, proceeded as planned, and things went well. I reversed the plan and made it home with no problem at all. I knew I was supposed to go because I went.

In Exodus 3:1-12, God calls to Moses from the burning bush:

But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?”

So He said, “I will certainly be with you. And this shall be a sign to you that I have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain.”

"This will be the sign that you have been chosen to lead: you will lead" (paraphrase mine, of course). This sign wouldn't come for months and wouldn't come until he had already obeyed! Does that seem a little huh? to you? Well, we think linearly: "I'll get the tools or the degree or the experience to do the job and then I'll do the job" or "Once God has given me confirmation this is the right way to go, I'll go." And that may be necessary, and that may happen, but God is not bound by time.  God sometimes says, "Do the job and then you'll have what you need to do the job." In his commentary, Matthew Poole says: Signs indeed are commonly given from things past or present, but sometimes from things to come... Often, stepping into the place to which we have been called is our "sign," it is confirmation we were supposed to be there in the first place. And that may seem a little backward and very intimidating to us, but if we believe God will never leave us or forsake us, if we believe it is never God's plan to do harm to His people, we can move forward knowing confirmation will come or God's Holy Spirit will put His hand out to stop us before we wind up someplace He doesn't want us to be. But let me make myself clear, I'm not talking about willful disobedience here; I'm saying, if you truly want to follow the path God has for you, if you are earnestly seeking to answer His call for His glory, He will do all He has promised to make sure you stay put. You will know-- well, because there you are!

There's this little word in the Hebrew Scriptures: batach. This is the word we usually translate "trust," and it carries with it the imagery of a city, safe and sleeping behind secure walls. Imagine going to bed every night, criminals lurking about in the streets, wild animals waiting to burst in and eat your chihuahua, but you've locked your doors, you have secured your windows, and your walls are in good repair. You sleep as if there was no threat at all. This is batach. Now, imagine you have a longing to preach the Gospel to the world, or build a hospital, or ask your daughter if you could begin taking your grandchildren to church each week, or even take a second job so you can begin helping your coworker pay her exorbitant medical bills. Do you follow that longing? It appears you have the means. You have prayed over and over for God to make His will clear. The longing hasn't ceased. You're sure by now it's a call. Batach! With each and every step in that direction, your calling will come to fruition, or it won't. God will let you know. His sign will come, but in His time. 

Sometimes we just have to be willing to lead to know we were meant to lead, and trust that God has already prepared the way.

Photo courtesy LuAnn Martin