This Is Worship

I didn't go to church today. It was not the plan. I wasn't runninng a temperature. I didn't oversleep. I skipped church because I needed to worship.

I used to live with my husband and our two dogs. Before work, the house would be dark and quiet; I'd sit at the kitchen table, reading Scripture and praying. After work, I'd come home, walk a few miles, clean some things around the house, make some food, and worship. More Bible reading, more prayer, some writing, and maybe even some bad singing. Me and Jesus. Some days we'd even have "dates." The whole day, nothing but Him and me, talking and being together. 

Then came Mom. Though she could not care for herself independent of supervision, she was still relatively capable of dressing, knowing when she was hungry, and expressing complete thoughts. She could sit and watch television or enjoy the deck without fear. These days, she is not content to do much of anything without someone at her side. She isn't sure if she is hungry, she cannot define pain, and she gets very aggitated when she isn't sure what she is doing is what she is supposed to be doing -- which is most of the time. I have not been alone in our home for over five years, and whatever time Mom spends on the deck these days is brief and constantly interrupted by her popping in to make sure I am still nearby.

Two years ago, we were given the privilege of caring for two young children. And it is a privilege, but one that comes with a lot of fighting -- from us. Our will tells us we did this before, we had other plans for this time in our life. Our bodies tell us we're too old to be lifting and running, we can't run on so little sleep. Our minds tell us there are logistics we cannot meet: finances, time, capacity, just to name a few. But our hearts disagree. And so there is fighting, because this is difficult, but oh, so worth it.

And then, there is my bubble. I am an introvert. I "people" well because I know that I must and God's grace takes care of that, but I become maxed. I hit a point where I must regenerate, and I do that in the quiet presence of the Lord. But our home is naturally noisy -- barking and beeping, thumping and bumping, and the last few weeks have been extremely difficult; I am maxed. So, when Scott heads out the door with a large portion of our occupants, I can go to church and worship without bathroom breaks and little people falling from the pews, but I must "people;" or I can go to church amidst the snoring of our four-legged family and the hum of the refrigerator, no "people-ing" required. I choose not to go. 

I pray and I read Scripture, but best of all, I worship. I worship as I slowly, purposefully fold laundry. Not because I am trying to get it all finished, but because each one of the people I hold dear will play and work and sleep in these clothes. And those people are more than a blessing to me. I worship as I grind coffee beans, savoring the rich smells of another morning and losing myself in the whirring white noise of the blades. I worship as I pick a show for Mom and I to enjoy together. We laugh, and I'm not sure she knows the program from the commercials, but she is happy to be with me, and that lightens her load. I worship as I stroke the soft grey hairs on our old dogs face. Her faithful eyes look deeply into mine as we share a rare but quiet moment. What a blessing it has been to have met her all those years ago; her loyalty and love has helped make our house a home. I worship as I write. Gratitude pours from my heart and with it, tears. 

And next Sunday, Lord willing, I will be sitting in our "regular pew," right up front, hanging on every word and praising God with all I've got. But for now, this is worship.

Celebrate the Harvest!

"Gramma, why do you think I see things and know things I didn't before? Is it because I'm getting older?" One of our littles recently had her sixth birthday and, apparently, has begun to realize middle age is only a breath away. Time to get moving on that retirement plan, I suppose. This young lady is seeing growth in her life. That is exciting to her!

Early in the season, we planted some flower seeds. They were sort of old, so I wasn't sure we'd have any success. We didn't. Crusty egg cartons sat on our deck for weeks. We gave them every opportunity. We watered and made sure the soil was warm. Nothing happened. No growth. Although it seemed we'd done all the right things, the seeds never sprouted into anything. Our vegetable plants were a different story, however. The children love spotting the "ripe ones!" and hang their shoulders in frustration when I tell them, "This one needs to wait a bit." Strangely enough, they don't hold the same excitement for the gravy-making (Yes, we make gravy, not sauce in this house.), or the relish, or the salsa, or the jelly -- whatever we decide to make, they might take it or leave it. But that enthusiasm for growth and harvest never seems to wane. I believe that is intentional. I believe God has placed that desire for growth -- progress in our lives and our relationships -- in each of us for a reason. And I believe the joy of the harvest is something we all long to celebrate.

God's people, Israel, were an agricultural people. Exodus 23:16, talks about the feast of harvest (or the feast of weeks, later called "Pentecost" in the Greek), and the feast of ingathering (aka the Feast of Tabernacles, or Sukkot). Two of three feasts God commanded each year were celebrations of harvest -- God's provision to His people, and their praise for it. The culmination of weeks of anticipation and dedication to the labor, met with gratitude for God's faithfulness to yield what was promised. Their longing for growth fulfilled, God's people were encouraged -- no, commanded, to par-T!

Throughout the Scriptures, we are told to wait on the Lord. Wait, but not become stagnant. Let's go back to those seeds we planted for just a minute. We waited. We didn't abandon watching for those adorable little green shoots after the first few days. We didn't stop watering until we were sure the seeds were too old to produce. We didn't rest in our labor despite my not having much confidence from the outset. We didn't become stagnant in our faith that seeds produce flowers. And though our seeds were not healthy (I could take that a whole new direction, but I'm trying to stick with this analogy 😊), we were growing. Our work did not prove fruitful in quite the way we had expected, but our patience improved; we gained knowledge about just how long Vinca seeds will or will not survive in a brown paper bag in the basement; we learned that one failure is not the end of the world. Had we ceased waiting and working the moment we failed to see results, we would have gained nothing and had no progress to celebrate.

The Bible assures our God is faithful and never changes. What He has promised to supply, He will supply. What He has promised to do, He will do. No dead seeds there. He guarantees a harvest. It may not be quite the crop we expect, but if we are committed to the work and obedient to His plan we will have a harvest to celebrate!

Stop Wasting Your Church's (and Ultimately, God's) Resources

Right now, I think there is someone who needs to hear this. Right now, I think I'm going to offend someone. Right now, I could just be preaching to me. A few weeks back, our pastor preached a sermon entitled, "Endgame." Starting with the premise that God desires to make Himself known, Pastor, through Scripture, led us to the conclusion that we, as Christians, should share the same objective: to make God known to all. Sharing in that mission, as we are privileged, equipped and ordained to do, we should live in a way that brings that goal to fruition. Our endgame should always be to make the name of El Elyon known to all the earth that He might receive the praise of everyone. Our endgame is to live to God's glory! 

During the sermon, a thought came to mind and it has bugged me ever since: Am I wasting my church's resources? Am I sitting in this pew week after week, hearing word after word but not doing much of anything to make the name of the Lord known throughout the earth? 

Life can get a little intense from time to time. Things can get so busy, I feel I am merely putting out fires from one day to the next. Everybody needs something, they need it now, and they need it from me. Instead of feeling blessed, I'm feeling stressed. "Mom, you're gonna have to wait!" "Don't let the dog out again; she just came in!" "No, I didn't get a chance to stop for milk -- I just brushed my teeth at 1:30!" Not exactly the responses that would cause someone to say to me, "Hey! That God you serve is really awesome! Look how He sustains you through all of this. How do I get to do what you do?" But, just how many Sundays have I sat there "amen-ing" and nodding as our pastor spoke about keeping our eyes on Jesus rather than the waves? How many times have I left church feeling refreshed and motivated, ready to love others and speak life, only to find myself dropping Jesus back off in the pew by Sunday evening? I heard every word, but chose emotions over application. I nodded in agreement, but chose self-sufficiency over service and surrender. And, ultimately, I wasted a perfectly good pew.

Now, I know God wants me there, and I am not advocating anyone stop meeting regularly with other believers, but, we have to take the blessings He has given us seriously. Being able to sit in a church every Sunday, hearing the Word of God preached is a blessing, a valuable resource. We are there to be equipped. But if we are not using the resources we have been given to make the name of the Lord known to others, if we are taking up space, but choosing to live the same way when we leave as we lived when we walked in, we are wasting what we have been given. Maybe even wasting a resource someone else is dying to put to good use. If our church is spending its resources applying and reapplying discipline, teaching and reteaching the same things we refuse to accept or apply in our own life, we have to conclude those resouces may one day run out. If our church is spending its resources repeatedly talking to its people about things like stewardship and service, because we refuse to give and serve, what resources will be left for outreach and evangelism -- for those that have not had the privilege of sitting in a pew week after week?

We need to stop being namby-pamby, spoiled, entitled brats of God, listening to the same message over and over, never really wanting to "get it" (maybe preoccupied wishing others would "get it"), whining about the blessings we don't have and think we should. We need to stop being angry; stop getting our feelings hurt; stop debating and infighting; stop focusing on the obstacles; stop serving ourselves. We need to get ourselves fed. Obey. Apply what we hear and keep it moving. There are others who need and want to hear what Jesus has done for them. There are others who want to follow and obey. There are those hungry for change.

If you're over thirty, you've probably heard the words, "Eat you dinner! There are starving children in (insert third world country here) who would love to have what you have." Maybe as adults, we should say those words a little more frequently to one another.

A Little Investment Advice

If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it? Have you ever played the lottery? Where did you get your ideas about money? Are you a saver or a spender? 

I remember sitting for hours at the kitchen table in my parents home, filling out sweepstakes entries. That was Mom's thing. Dad's was racing forms and pyramid schemes. My parents took expensive vacations, and countless calls from bill collectors. Mom carried her swim club and boat club memberships next to our food stamps. My parents were terrible with money. Though they never spoke to us about it, they taught us volumes. By the time I was eighteen, I was working over one hundred hours a week and had tens of thousands in the bank. Money = security. 

I was in my thirties when I really began to notice Jesus drawing me to Him. I went to church and even listened, but when I sat down to try to read the Bible on my own, it either made no sense or made me sleepy. One of the most confusing passages was Jesus' Parable of the Talents. The Reader's Digest version goes like this: A man was going on a trip. Before he left, he gave some of his servants money to steward while he was gone. Two of the servants presented him with profit upon his return. A third, knowing his master was a shrewd business man and fearing a loss, returned exactly the amount the master had given him. "I kept it safe in a hole for you," the servant said. The master was furious and punished the servant.

Between my attitudes about money and lack of spiritual maturity, I could never understand what was so wrong with the third servant's behavior. After all, investments can be risky. What if the first two servants had lost the money? Number Three would have been looking like a rock star, right? It seemed to me, it was the master that should have been punished: he was so greedy. What's wrong with saving? Nothing, but this parable was never meant to be simply dollars and cents. 

I've come to know this parable is about all God gives us to steward: our time, abilities, finances, relationships, careers, food, possessions, health, opportunities -- all of it, whatever it is. None of it belongs to us. We are merely stewards tasked with making the very most of what we hold -- temporarily, loosely -- for God's glory. And though I say this to you now, I am guilty of wasting time. I am guilty of taking relationships for granted. I am guilty of eating just because. I am guilty of hating my job. I am guilty of reacting badly when someone tries to take things from me. Which makes me guilty of thinking these things -- any of them -- belong to me.

The other day, I was praying about one of our current opportunities. Someone who is supposed to be running the job is not exercising due diligence. It could cost us the job. As a subcontractor, we are powerless. The situation immediately threatened my need for security and control, and my mind began to race. Can we hire a lawyer? What recourse do we have? Can we get this person off the project? Fury. Fear. But then, peace. Over and over again as I prayed, the Holy Spirit brought to mind The Parable of the Talents. God gave this to us. To steward. And we have done that. We are working hard, being moral in our actions, speaking life, submitting to authority, and -- most importantly -- representing Christ. The rest is up to the Lord. If the job turns an immediate profit, it belongs to our King. If the job appears to be a total loss on the surface, we can rest assured we served our King well, and He has done something for our good and His glory.

Some of the greatest success stories were written by paupers and prisoners. Some of the greatest victories were won in sickness and slavery. Whatever the situation we are in, it is meant to be invested. Only by risking what was never ours can we know the security of gaining what we can never lose -- the blessing of our Father, "Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Master."