Unmasking the Impostor

I am an impostor.

Right now, everyone thinks I am this loving mother with a tragic life: a son in prison, a "daughter-in-law" in rehab, and a granddaughter tragically and recklessly caught in the middle of all this. And while the facts of this are generally true, the presuppositions are not.

1) I am a loving mother, but I am a mother who has raised adult children. I did what I thought was my best until adulthood came calling, and my children became responsible for all of their decisions. I now do as much as I can when they allow me; anything other than that is pretty much off limits. I do not spend every waking moment sobbing or writing him long letters. I do smile, and laugh, and go to work every day, and enjoy time with the rest of my family. I go to see him, I endure the guards who speak to me as if I am a criminal, I put money on the phone so he can call (a concept I never thought I'd need to entertain), and I wish he was home. But I don't deny his foolishness or the circumstances in which it placed him.

2) I guess this is a tragedy, but I am a Christian. I try not to see things as tragedies, but as opportunities for God to work and claim what is due Him. I do not believe any situation is hopeless.

3) My "daughter-in-law" who is not really, is the mother of my granddaughter. I love her. I have never wanted anything but the best for her since the day I laid eyes on her. Initially, it was because she was involved with my son, but I have really grown to care for her, and she deserves better than she is willing to give herself. Once again, I have to respect her decision to make her life as she chooses; I am only equipped and authorized to pray. The presupposition might be that I am furious with her for luring my son down this path, or I am tormented by the image of my granddaughter in the care of some strung out street junkie. The truth is, my son has always been able to find his own way down crooked paths, and I will never accept my granddaughter's mother as hopeless or helpless (see #2). As for anything else, I am not thoroughly informed of her situation right now, so that is all I will say about that.

4) My granddaughter is stuck, in every sense of the word. She is the one I feel for most. Mom and Dad are of little, if no, help to her right now. I do not see her for fear of exacerbating the perverse and complicated situation, nor can I fight my son's battles for him. I will not cause my granddaughter to be used as fuel for an already raging fire by laying the groundwork for accusations and suspicions. I will not maintain a relationship so my son might piggyback his role as "sometimes" father, while Gramma does all the leg work. He is Dad, and I will allow him to man-up and assume his responsibilities. The presupposition might be that my heart breaks for this little peanut. The truth is that my heart is in the care of the Holy One of Israel, the Almighty God, and through prayer, the life of my granddaughter is as well.

Now that I have revealed my true identity, thank you all, so much for your prayers and phone calls. But your pity and head-shaking are for those without hope.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

1 Peter 1:3 (NIV)
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

Psalm 71:14 (NIV)
But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more

James 5:16b  
The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man
availeth much. 

One More Reason NOT to Live in New Jersey

I try not to weigh in on popular news reports, but this one is far too tempting. It is the story of Rachel Canning, a New Jersey teen who is suing her parents for support and college tuition. Part of the temptation to respond comes from personal experience. Allow me to summarize:

One day, as I was leaving work, a colleague told me of her freshman daughter who had become quite ill at college. She was concerned because the school refused to disclose her daughter’s condition, as she was an adult and entitled to privacy. Previous discussions had revealed college tuition had put quite a burden on this family. It was at that moment it clicked: why on earth would a parent, half way – or further --to retirement place such a burden on themselves for an adult child? Would a Wall Street investor throw money into something with no way measure results? In a world where college degrees are hardly enough to land a job washing dishes, where does it all stop? “Mom, I can’t get a job with an Associate’s; you’re gonna have to shell out some more dough for my Master’s!” Why are parents assuming responsibilty for post-high school education, and who lives in a state where they mandate such a travesty? 

Additional experience came my way when, just a year or two later my sixteen year old son decided he no longer wanted to abide by any of our rules, and left home. He returned only a day or two later and agreed to some basic regulations: attending family dinner at least three nights per week, keeping his room clean and his bed made, and making average to above average grades in school. (Tough, I know). He agreed, and less than a week later, rolled out again. One and done. I can understand a mistake, a moment of poor judgment, a trial of authority, but once I’ve given you a pass, you toe the line. He wasn’t coming back until he saw it our way. And, until recently, he never wanted to come back.

You probably already know where I plan on going with this.

 "Dear Rachel Canning:

A)     If you’re old enough for the press to release your name; you’re old enough to pay for college yourself.

B)      If you think your parents owe you anything, think again.

C)      You are not gaining anything by demanding it from others.

D)   You should be grateful to your parents for living in a state that forces your parents into indentured servitude.

E)     Etc., etc., etc."

But let me twist things up a bit. When my son left home, he went to another family member’s house. My husband and I wanted to leave my son with no other alternative but to come home and, through a structured environment, practice self-respect and consideration for others. My husband and I wanted him to realize that character is being free to buck the system, but choosing not to do so, for the greater good. My husband and I wanted him to understand that adulthood is maturity in action, not unbridled self-indulgence and disregard for others. My son went to this person specifically because they did not share my concern. This person coddled him, indulging his every scheme. This person defended and protected him, despite his antisocial and careless behavior. This person had a desperate need to have my son's approval, rather than do what was best for him. The anger I felt toward this person was intense. They were “ruining my son.” I’m not sure if that was entirely true, but they certainly didn’t help.

Rachel Canning is living with her boyfriend and his parents. The idiocy of New Jersey's emancipation law aside, she is an adult. My guess is BF's parents recognize the fact that an eighteen year old is certainly old enough to be held accountable for her actions. She comes and goes as she pleases; she, after all, doesn’t belong to them – who are they to say anything? She, no doubt, is on her best behavior as a guest, and BF's family believes her parents are heinous. BF's parents have been much better parents to their son than poor Rachel's, and maybe they even feel pity for them -- I mean, not everyone was meant to have children. I shouldn't judge, but anyone who steps between a responsible, watchful parent and their child -- adult or not -- best be forewarned. Not only is it ethically abhorrent, but a smart lawyer could ensure you never do that again.

If, as the law states, she has not been automatically emancipated, at the least she should be considered a runaway, and her boyfriend's family held liable for interfering and harboring a runaway. At most, perhaps kidnapping charges are warranted. Either way, we'll see if Rachel tries to manipulate her way out of this one, and the State of New Jersey accommodates such foolishness.

Worship

God, You are so good, so mighty and wise.
You give so much to us, so much from Your loving, generous hand.

Father, we make a mess.
     We test Your forgiveness;
     We resist Your love;
     We determine to go our own way.
And still, You never change.

You are sovereign, and Your love extends to all people,
     through all generations.

You are Ruler over all.
     The waves crash at Your command;
     The sun sets upon Your word;
     The leaves whither in Your time.
And yet, You do not love them as You love us.

You are Creator of all things, the most intelligent, omniscient
     designer of all.

You formed us in perfect goodness and love.
     We are the only ones who defy Your will.
     We are the only ones who curse Your name.
     We are the ones who selfishly corrupt and use others You have made.
And still, we are the ones You love most;
     the ones You proclaim whole by the life of Your Son.

Forgive us, O Lord, for our foolishness, our hatred,
     our arrogance, and our fear.
Forgive us for our rejection of the One Whom we need most --
     You.

God, You are so good, so mighty and wise.
You give so much to us, so much from Your loving, generous hand.

The WHOLE Truth

It is 6 AM. I am  pinned under two dogs and relegated to about 16" of space on the sofa. I'm looking at the roll that has begun to form somewhere under my laptop and above my thighs. Emotionally, I find myself, comforted by my dogs who love me -- or, perhaps, my sofa -- and disgusted by this fleshy, abhorrent roll. I know I am fat. But I am also very comfortable. So rather than take the dogs for a walk, I do some ridiculously lame leg lift-things as I type away on the computer.

All this to say, I am a physical, emotional, intellectual being, with the ability to make decisions, engage in physical -- or not so physical activity -- and enjoy the company of others. To label me as any one of those things, singularly, would be to miss out on the complete being that is me.

I found the following images in approximately 30 seconds-worth of searching on the old interweb:



A History Book

An Instruction Manual



A Love Story

Is anyone one of these more true than another?

Recently, someone has encouraged me to look at the Bible a little differently -- to notice how New Testament writers were influenced by Old Testament Scriptures, to see how one prophet employed the writings of another to make his point, to consider the emotion and character of the writer, and to examine various accounts of the same event in light of the writers and their relationship with The Author. I have to say, I never thought of examining the Bible this way.

However, for me to study Scripture this way, to the exclusion of details and language, would be wrong. For instance:

Psalm 121:1-3

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills --

From whence comes my help?

My help comes from the Lord,

Who made heaven and earth.

"He will not allow your foot to be moved;

He who keeps you will not slumber."  

Plenty of metaphor in these verses. But, if I were only to treat it as figurative language, meant to stir my heart to worship a faithful, mighty God, or as a psalm of encouragement to keep me fighting against principalities and walking according to God's direction, I would miss so many other truths.

"Lifting my eyes up to the hills" could mean looking for allied forces to deliver, or looking for deliverance from idols worshipped on hillsides in that day. Thus begs the question "from where/ how" will I be rescued. Or maybe the hills are the hills of Moriah and Zion, where the Ark of the Covenant, the presence of God, was stationed. There are word pictures here.

"The Lord who made heaven and earth," who "will not slumber," certainly makes me feel as though I have hitched my wagon to the right star -- a God who created it all, who watches over me without pause. But is that all this verse is about -- making me feel good about being on the right team? invoking reassurance and the motivation to push on? I get that; I really do, but if I were to say that's all I get, or primarily what I get, I am doing the Holy Scriptures an appalling disservice.

The Word of God is living; with every reading it brings new truth. The Bible is timeless; it never becomes irrelevant, and its truths are never obsolete. It is a Book of reality -- not emotion and a general type of inspiration, exclusively; its promises will come to pass! And IT IS INERRANT!

Some folks don't like the rigidity of some of these ideas, and would prefer to see the Bible as a half-truth or figure of speech. Some folks like a little more wiggle room with their prophecy or their truth -- to view difficult or "offensive" principles in a sort of general, one-dimensional sphere that they can more easily accept or peddle to their New Age friends. 

I would love to believe that all of those "really good people" I know, who live their lives in the spirit of the Bible, though in reality reject God and His Word, will somehow earn a pass and be standing next to me in Heaven. But God and His Word are no more one-dimensional than you or I; there is a truth that comes with a moral, and a course of action that is born out of that moral. It is my hope that even really good people will follow it.