Not a Christian

Those who leave everything in God's hand will see God's hand in everything.
~ Unknown

I am a Christian. If church was giving out certificates for perfect attendance, I wouldn't receive one. If God was giving out awards for best behaved, I wouldn't receive one. If the stars spelled out the name of the most generous givers or the most selfless servants, I wouldn't be among them (our pastor would; not me). But I am a Christian just the same. I am a person who believes the Bible is true, it reveals the character, plan, and work of God to all mankind. I believe that Jesus died, suffering every bit of the penalty I deserved for my sin, paying my debt in full and in return, He gave me His righteousness; He rose from the dead, the Firstfruits of many --myself included, proving His life, His blood, was the one and only sufficient sacrifice for sin. It is that clean slate, if you will, my new identity and the presence of the Holy Spirit in me, that emboldens and empowers me to live as Christ lived, loving others as He loved me. It is the work of God the Father, through Jesus Christ, His Son, by the power of the Holy Spirit. In my power I come up woefully short. It is in unlikely moments-- moments of weakness, rebellion, ignorance --that I often think I'm starting to look most like the Christian I want to be. 

Going back to the days of my childhood, sitting quietly in Sunday school, careful not to wrinkle my best dress, I wanted to be good; I wanted to please God and my parents and my teachers. But those days are few before the world begins to label you with names like "teacher's pet" and "goody-goody," and you realize that to gain the acceptance of your peers (which, on the average, outnumber your teachers by twenty to one) you must lose the approval of adults on some level. I wasn't prepared make sacrifices. I remained good in school and quiet in church, but when the grown-ups weren't watching I did all I could to prove I was not good and quiet. I was a fake and I learned to be --I thought-- pretty good at it. On the surface, I passed for a Christian, but I was not a Christian.

Fast forward twenty-five years, two marriages, two children, two divorces, lots of frustration and striving, even more guilt and weariness, to a time when I finally threw my hands up in surrender. Weakness, rebellion, ignorance left me decimated. On the surface, I was a mess; I didn't pass for anything much --certainly not a Christian. But I was the most authentic me I'd ever been. All the things I believed about God, now in the wreckage of my decisions, I promised to trust. I had no place to go but before the throne of God --homeless. I had no one who could save me from myself or even knew just how bad and how fake and how lost my self was --alone. I couldn't do anything to survive that kind of brokenness, much less make anything great out of it --weak. I'd been smacked squarely in the face with my arrogance, my do-it-yourselfism, my self-indulgence, and had learned the hard way that I had no idea what I was doing --ignorance and rebellion. But, I was a Christian. I am a Christian.

C.S. Lewis said, "The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us." And I'm trusting Him to continue making me good. I am leaving everything in His hands and walking in a life planned by the One who loves me like no other. And if I appear broken or put together or frazzled or pious or tired or jealous or gracious --however I appear-- I will trust God to do whatever it takes in me to make me look more like Him, inside and out. Because I am a Christian.

Photo courtesy Mark Sutherland

Benevolence

It had been a busy week. That day in particular I'd been running around furiously and was heading into my fourth wardrobe change. When we'd first been invited, there was a sincere plan to make something delicious for the barbecue, but opportunity and time were not on my side. Instead, Mom and I headed to the nearest bakery. Pies, cookies, danish. Cupcakes! Seemed appropriate for some one who had such fond memories of Mom's cupcakes. We arrived to my friend and his sister loading up the grill, toting condiments and snacks, and double-checking the necessaries had been put in place. Then, the rundown on beverages available and their location. Make yourselves at home. Burgers should be ready soon; hot dogs and sausages are ready now. What does your mom want to drink? Miss Helen are you ready to eat? Here, give your mom some chips if she wants. You like to eat, don't you, Miss Helen! And the soiree had begun. We chatted and ate and chatted and ate. Before I knew, there was chicken, slathered with barbecue sauce, perfectly browned and ready to eat. There were pork chops on the grill, and more food sitting on a nearby table. The more we ate, the more food continued to appear! At one point I was almost convinced our hostess was simply cooking everything in her refrigerator. I love to see people eat! she would exclaim again and again. It showed. As I sat there, I imagined a picture of God's benevolence. 

Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." As we delighted in our hostess' hospitality, she delighted in our delight. Sounds a little crazy, I know, but it's like purchasing that special gift for someone you love. You wait for the day to arrive that they will open it; you watch, holding your breath, as they remove each little layer; you simply cannot wait for them to lay eyes on it. The more genuine their reaction, the greater their appreciation, the more they delight in it --the greater your joy, the more eagerly you anticipate giving them something more in the future. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you what your heart desires!

Psalm 84:11 says, “No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly." That afternoon, it seemed to me our hostess was pulling out all the stops; the more we ate, the more she brought out. There seemed to be no end to the good food she shared with us at her table. We were genuinely welcome to whatever was available, and it was all so carefully prepared and delicious. Make yourselves at home was not a platitude; it was sincere. Quite the picture of God's abundant goodness toward the people of His righteousness.

Psalm 145:16 says, “You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing." God opens His hand. Our hostess prepared tables full of food, meeting one of our most basic needs as human beings: the need for sustenance. Additionally, the busy week I'd had left me in want of relaxation and laughter. Our hostess provided us with a generous bounty of both. Care and kindness in abundance! How much more, the God who satisfies the desire of every living thing?! It's all for you. There is nothing in My hand --My open hand, that is off-limits. If I'm giving it to you, I'm not rationing anything. Come and partake as you will.

Our God is merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from Him. I hope God has blessed you with wonderful people in your life. I hope you take the time to listen as He speaks and uses those people to remind you what a benevolent God He is. 

Obedience Is the Way to Awesome

Behold! Not a word we're really accustomed to using, but it grabs our attention, doesn't it? We tend to be "Listen!" or "Check this out!" sort of people. But God? Whether it's Behold!, Listen up!, or Get a load of this!, when He says it's going to be awesome, He means it.

In Exodus 34:10, God is renewing His covenant with His people, Israel. Behold! is just the beginning:

I make a covenant. Before all your people I will do marvels such as have not been done in all the earth, nor in any nation; and all the people among whom you are shall see the work of the Lord. For it is an awesome thing that I will do with you.

The Complete Jewish Bible says, What I am going to do through you will be awesome! 

Imagine that! Awesome! Through His people! Where do your thoughts go? Are you picturing throngs of people moving forward in an emotional altar call? Are you seeing homeless and women's shelters spanning the globe? How about luscious green crops growing in the once barren fields of an impoverished country? How about those children we have been praying for night after terrible night, finally falling on their faces before our Lord God? Awesome! 

God goes on:

Observe what I command you this day. (Exodus 34:11)

Okay, God! You got it, God! Anything You say, God!

Don't get too friendly with the world. In fact, shed their garments, break their molds, reject the things they love, and maybe even annoy them a little --okay, a lot. Don't give yourselves or your children to them. Don't imitate them or try to integrate their practices into worshiping Me. Eat matzoh. Give me your first born. Redeem your firstborn. Rest 1/7 of your life. Celebrate the ingathering and Shavuot and Passover. Keep kosher. (Exodus 34:12-28, my paraphrase)

And that's it? No battles? No fundraisers? No preaching or teaching? No healing services? No social justice warriors? 

Nope. Just live as I've instructed you to live. Obey Me.

Doesn't sound very awesome, does it? Not by our standards. In fact, it sounds downright dull, and it's incredibly difficult. There are no peaks and valleys; this land is flat and you can see its perpetuity for as long as they keep making calendars. Wash, rinse, repeat. Steady as she goes. Obey, obey, obey. The small things... Obey. The big things... Obey. The good days... Obey. The bad days... Obey.

Obedience is the pathway to awesome --the way God defines it. Thirty years of punching the same clock, sharing your faith with the same renitent coworkers is the way to awesome. Countless years of pastoring a church, answering the midnight phone calls of people who never seem to follow your counsel anyway, is the way to awesome. Teaching tiny hands to tie their shoes and fold together in prayer is the way to awesome. Day after day, night after night of living a life that will never make the pages of this world's newspapers or gain the attention and accolades of even one celebrated politician, is the way to awesome. Who knows, there might be a faraway mission field or a podcast in your future; but only if God calls you to it, only if God says, This is the way, walk in it. It's going to be awesome!

Photo courtesy Mark Sutherland

Learning with Luci

"The dog really needs to get locked up," my husband advised, as I was preparing to join him in moving a bulky toolbox down a flight of steps. "No," I said, "because she's going to sit."

Place! I gave the command and Luci took her place, sitting obediently nearby.

I had no reservations about her staying put; when it comes to certain things, our dog is just a rockstar! Other things, however, like resisting cats, squirrels, dogs, rabbits, deer --pretty much anything with four legs-- well, that's a whole different story. I have been working with Luci to overcome her reactivity to other animals and the neighbor who likes to do push-ups out front of his house. Four "legs," remember? When Luci reacts, I command her to lie down and together we wait. We wait until her brow unfurrows. We wait until she no longer grips the ground with her front paws. We wait until she looks at me when I calmly call her name. We wait. It may take only a minute or two; it may take fifteen or twenty. The neighbors may start popping their heads out to ascertain why, exactly, I've been standing outside their home all morning. I might have somewhere I need to be. But if I want this done right, we wait.

The other morning, another dog drew her attention. Down! We began to wait. As the clock ticked, a dog barked, increasing Luci's anxiety. Moments later, a squirrel chuck-chucked as he scampered down a nearby tree. About the time I considered resuming our walk, a cat darted across our path and Luci's brow wrinkled once again. Twenty-five minutes after leaving the house, and we hadn't made it a tenth of a mile. It was maddening. You can give up and this will never improve, came the reminder, or you can stick it out and experience a more permanent way of dealing with all of this. The strange thing was, I wasn't sure if the reminder was referring to Luci or referring to some of the things with which I struggle on the regular.

We love shortcuts, right? Our computers are loaded with them, we all know the shortest way to get to the places we frequent, and who hasn't fallen down the "life hack" rabbit hole a time or two? But when it comes to dealing with those nasty little --or big-- habits, when it comes to dealing with sin, shortcuts don't cut it. We have to put in the work.

1 John 1:9 says, If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. So, our first step needs to be confession. As we take on some very practical new behaviors (pausing to consider the natural consequences of our actions, engaging an accountability partner, talking to a professional counselor, etc.) we can rest on some very important truths:

He is no stranger to temptation. 

He will help us if we ask.

He died for our sins --past, present, and future, so holiness is not some impossible pursuit. 

He knows our hearts better than we do. 

He loves us anyway and has promised to never leave us.

We can be assured, in our weakness, God is glorified; He will help us in our struggle, strengthening and encouraging us, even allowing us to sin so that we might learn a greater lesson and give Him the glory. But if we want it done right, we have to put in the work and trust that in God's time, we will see improvement.