Just My Thoughts... And a Sincere Offer

I used to be one to jump into the fray. Call it the temperance that comes with old age, call it wisdom, call it the Holy Spirit providing me with greater discernment and a greater desire to handle things with love --whatever-- but jumping, into frays, to conclusions, onto bandwagons --wherever-- is not my thing so much anymore. And, besides, when so many people are screaming and so many people are encouraging the screams of others, very few people are listening. I pray that with the time that has passed, someone who needs this is "listening."

I was born to a woman in her thirties, still living at home with her parents, the baby of the family. And her married boyfriend. My mother had been pregnant years before having me; the baby was, she said, stillborn. Mom had never been married. My father had two sons with his wife. He'd grown up in a very conservative home and his wife, from all I've been told, was a lovely, God-fearing woman. My opinion, my father had definitely married up. Nevertheless, he left his wife and sons, and shacked up with my mom. Why, I can't say; theirs was never any wonderful love story. They finally married when I was eight. I can only assume, with two children enrolled in school, my father participating in various social clubs and holding offices in our church, checking the "MARRIED" box on forms made things much less complicated. How easy it would have been for my mother to have spared herself all of that embarrassment, all of the future stress and shame that came with being married to a man who didn't love her, if she'd just had an abortion. I've wondered, if abortion had been the easy option that it is today (Yes, despite the overturn of Roe v. Wade, and the dramatic narrative that surrounds that, it is still easier than it should ever be.) --if abortion had been the easy option it is today and my mother had chosen it, what would my father have done? If I was to rewrite history, I could say that Mom would have been better off without him and he would have stayed where he belonged. But I think we all know there are far too many "what ifs" that happen along the way. As much as we think one problem can be solved by doing something we shouldn't, we usually come to realize we have merely created another. What if Mom had died during that abortion? What if my father had stayed with her anyway? What if people had discovered their dirty little secret? What if I'd survived but been severely affected? What if I hadn't been born? What about my younger brother --would he have been born? His children?

I guess I expected the outrage, I just didn't expect the level of outrage I saw coming from certain people. In 2019 when New York's Reproductive Health Act was passed, allowing abortions to be obtained more readily and past twenty-four weeks of pregnancy, social media was flooded with the grief and prayers of those who disagreed. Last week, the level of vitriol and arrogance coming from those who opposed the Supreme Court's decision was shocking to me. Arguments for abortion --many of which made little sense or were completely inaccurate-- barely made it past the preliminaries before dissolving into hate-filled curses and vicious threats toward those who supported the overturn. And yet, in the midst of all of this chaos, pro-life friends were still posting things like this...

If you are having an unplanned pregnancy and need help, I'd be honored to help and come alongside you. Hugs to all moms, expected or not. You are a treasure.

...and meaning it. I mean it as well. 

Today and Everyday

Recently, Scott and I celebrated fourteen years of marriage. Well, the truth is, we didn't celebrate at all. We forgot it. Not on purpose, mind you, but we were out of town visiting some really important people and having such a wonderful time, we completely forgot to mark the occasion! No dinner at a fancy restaurant or romantic weekend getaway --not even a couple of mass-produced drugstore greeting cards. Just us together. Enrapt in the journey. Lost in the company of others we love. 

In Ephesians 5:22-33, God, through Paul, talks about what He expects from married couples. God is all about relationships, of course, but marriage is a special one: marriage is a picture of Christ's relationship with the Church (not necessarily the members of your local congregation and not the place where you meet, but all of those adopted into God's family). Christ calls the Church "His Bride." Wives are to respectfully submit to and serve their husband in the same way the Church submits to the will of Jesus. Husbands are to love their wife sacrificially, giving their all to lead her in the right way, to tenderly care for her and keep her chaste, to build her up and cherish her. The two are to become one in the same way a Christian becomes one with Christ. 

Marriage is an earthly expression of a heavenly covenant. And it's that "earthly" part that guarantees it will have its share of difficulties and imperfections. Worse than forgotten anniversaries, there are temptations and trials that attack our marriages from the world around us: unmarried friends who seem to have so much freedom, financial burdens, work that never seems to stay at work, even the joy of children can test the durability of the closest bonds. And there are those things that lie within both of a marriage's imperfect participants, selfish things that weary of "letting" the other have their way, tiny irritations that seem to grow exponentially as our personal anxieties take center stage. And, lest we forget, Satan mounts his attack. Oh, the satisfaction he must feel when yet another illustration of God's holy relationship with His people is dissolved formally and finally in the courts of his world! 

It's beyond sad. But marriage is meant to be greater than the smiles and dream vacations we post on social media. Marriage is strengthened in the three hundred sixty-five+ days of every year, the rainy Mondays, the mundane Tuesdays, the uphill Wednesdays, the ugly Thursdays, and unbearable Fridays. Marriage is a commitment to faithfully and humbly serve when all of those sweet, wonderful, so-easy-to-come-by feelings have retreated a little more deeply beneath the surface of time and self-righteousness. Marriage is taking the discovery and growth of morning devotions with a Savior who knows us better than we know ourselves, and treating another human being with the same desire to know and be known. Marriage is a promise not only to the one we faced on that special day last week or all those golden years ago, but it is a promise to God that, with His help, we will represent His relationship with His people as accurately and with as much honor as we are able; and it is a promise to all people that the Savior of the world loves them and desires a relationship with them, one in which they can grow and experience wholeness.

Our anniversary may have come and gone without either of us thinking back to the day we said, "I do," but marriage is about more than one day. Like being a part of the family of God, it is about becoming lost in the bond of doing life together. In retrospect, there was no better way to mark such a milestone.

Chasing After Good Things Just Might Get the Best of You

What is the value of a good night's sleep? or a delicious meal with friends? Don't you just love a refreshing dip in the pool on a hot summer day or hot chocolate by the fire after a few hours on the slopes? What would life be without the panacea of music, or the marriage of ice crystals and light in winter's sunrise, or the fragrance of flowers, or the warm embrace of a friend? Think of all the things we enjoy in this life. Would they be possible without the love of our Heavenly Father?

Ellyn Sanna, in her devotional Everyday Grace, writes:

Hedonists are people who have decided that life's only meaning lies in physical pleasures. But they can't escape God's hand. Our food, our drink, the satisfaction we take in our work, and all the physical pleasures of our lives are not separate from God. Instead, they are expressions of His grace. He longs for us to be fulfilled in every way possible.

The tragedy of a hedonistic life or a life that denies the lordship of the One True God, is those who choose such a life will be fulfilled in the same earthly, temporal ways as those who choose a life in Christ (maybe even more so). However, they will be convinced it is enough. They will believe the things they enjoy in this life are life itself. They will believe the enjoyment of those things is all there is. What they will fail to understand is those things are, as Sanna says, "expressions of His grace." Blessings cannot be separated from God because they are physical manifestations of His character. The good things of this life are meant to turn our heads and our hearts toward Heaven.

All of nature demonstrates His creativity and, Scripture tells us, sings His praises! The joy of marriage is a picture of Christ's relationship with His bride, the Church. The rainbow is a sign of God's integrity. Flavor can serve to remind us of the goodness of our Heavenly Father. The peace of a snow-covered city, the patience of a wonderful teacher, the love of a mother for her child, the kindness of a stranger, the faithfulness of your oldest friend, the self-control of a father as he takes his small son fishing --all of these are God displaying His character in people, places and circumstances around us. Not characteristics He is attempting to walk out, mind you, but characteristics that define who He is. The pleasure we experience in these things is not part and parcel of living in this world or being human. It is not owed to us. It should never be the treasure we seek. It is God revealing His character to us that we might recognize Him, that we might be grateful, that we might turn to Him and desire to give Him more of ourselves. 

Matthew 6:1-5, 16-18 warns against seeking after the admiration of those around us, saying we get what we seek but nothing more. In the remainder of the chapter, God, through Matthew, reminds us the things of this world are temporary, fleeting, but God is a trustworthy provider, giving us the things we need most and the rewards that last forever. 

Those who seek after pleasure but refuse to seek after God may get the good things they're chasing, and wouldn't that be the greatest curse?

Freedom and Fatherhood

Yesterday many Americans gathered in backyards, at public pools, on balconies, in kitchens and parks to celebrate dads. It was not lost on many of us, Father's Day coincided with Juneteenth, a celebration of slaves freed in the last of the rebel states in 1865. 

Freedom and fatherhood. Having grown up in the 60s and 70s, when a good whopping with the belt was a thing, it's hard for me to reconcile freedom with the role my father often assumed in our household. Dad was the disciplinarian. He spanked, he grounded, he removed toys (often by tossing them down the basement steps); his presence was most often synonymous with the restriction of freedom. To hear my mother announce, "You're father will be home any minute," meant the time for testing boundaries was over; it was time to clean up and shape up.

Like many folks, I grew up thinking God, our Heavenly Father, was no different. To enter His house was to be in your Sunday best, on your best behavior; He would settle for nothing less. Sunday school teachers reminded unruly students that God was watching them. Kicking your feet against the pew was grounds for a good slap. And NEVER, EVER were we to write in our Bibles, God's holy book. I feared God, and not necessarily the way we're supposed to. I was certain God would send me to Hell for my terrible behavior: I lied, I hit my brother --and then there were the things I was supposed to do that I didn't: obey my parents, read my Bible, pray. If I didn't soon stop being me, I was doomed.

In Galatians 5:1 (New American Standard Version), Paul says:

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free." Paul's not being redundant here, what he's saying is, Christ liberated us from the law of sin and death so that we might freely enjoy the eternal life He gave us. Yes, we need to read the Bible, not because being a Christian requires it, but because any relationship --especially one with a Spirit so wondrous and complex as our Heavenly Father-- flourishes when the participants really desire to know and please the other. Yes, we need to obey Him and listen for His voice, but not because He will send us to Hell if we don't, but because our Heavenly Father truly does know best. Yes, our lives, our desires, even our character will be transformed, not because we've learned to be less "ourselves", but because the Holy Spirit is at work in us, making us new creatures, more like God's perfect design for us. The incarnation, death, and resurrection of Jesus allows us to have a relationship with our Heavenly Father, a relationship that frees us from the sentence of death imposed on us at birth, a relationship that frees us from a life of sin by the ongoing sanctification of the Holy Spirit within us, a relationship that frees us to serve our Creator because we want to express our love to Him.

Freedom and fatherhood have always been inextricably linked. What a beautiful thing that our nation's leaders officially recognized that 😉