Blurred Vision

The latest news about World Vision reminded me of a story someone told me when I was much younger:

In the late 1950s, a man in a tiny neighborhood owned a grocery. He was quite happy serving the local folks -- folks like Mr. Traub, and Mrs. O'Neil, and the York family. Fine, upstanding patrons. But, in the 1960s, there appeared another group of customers -- men and women who did not look, or sound, or even carry themselves in the same way a the old man's usual guests. These folks were dark and fearsome. They asked for items he'd never heard of before. The the grocer soon began to believe their strange ways could not be trusted. Desperate to protect his livelihood, he decided he could not serve these new customers in his store, and he closed his doors to them. But, Mrs. O'Neil lived next door to Mr. Parker, the dark man, and she thought he was very kind as she watched him help the neighborhood children climb the walnut tree in his front yard. And, Mr. Traub loved watching the happy Coleman children as they danced in the rain, their black faces turned to the gray skies. And the Yorks breathed in deeply the delicious smells coming from the Gaines family's home, and curious of the differences between them, found any excuse to strike up friendly conversation and perhaps, sample the life of this contented family. Soon, the townspeople found the grocer had refused to serve the dear ones they had come to know as neighbors and friends. Embarrassed and offended, the Traubs, the Yorks, the O'Neils, and many others decided they had no other choice but to boycott the small grocery. It was only a few months before the grocer lost his store; with no customers, of any skin color, he was forced to close his doors.

World Vision, a self-described "Christian humanitarian organization," has decided they should employ homosexuals who are in a legal same-sex marriage. The powers that be are concerned the prohibition of homosexual marriages in Christian circles is tearing the church apart, and they refuse to "jump into the fight on one side or another." Call me crazy, but isn't choosing to allow something, when you have the absolute power to disallow it, endorsing it? "We don't want to make waves, so we'll go with the flow," is accepting the direction the tide pulls you, not standing on your own two feet. And didn't Jesus warn us that devotion to Him would turn one against another? Truth brings conflict. To look after your own comfort first and foremost, is to deny Christ

Back to the previous anecdote. The grocer acted out of fear and ignorance. He acted rashly and wrongfully. But this was America -- he had a right to be wrong, and an obligation to pay the price. The townspeople however, despite any inconvenience or backlash, stood in love and biblical wisdom, whether they knew it or not. They didn't burn down the bodega, or paint hateful names on his doors. they chose not to support, or allow, or employ such a person. This was America -- they had a right to be right, and an obligation to stand up for what was right.

Unmasking the Impostor

I am an impostor.

Right now, everyone thinks I am this loving mother with a tragic life: a son in prison, a "daughter-in-law" in rehab, and a granddaughter tragically and recklessly caught in the middle of all this. And while the facts of this are generally true, the presuppositions are not.

1) I am a loving mother, but I am a mother who has raised adult children. I did what I thought was my best until adulthood came calling, and my children became responsible for all of their decisions. I now do as much as I can when they allow me; anything other than that is pretty much off limits. I do not spend every waking moment sobbing or writing him long letters. I do smile, and laugh, and go to work every day, and enjoy time with the rest of my family. I go to see him, I endure the guards who speak to me as if I am a criminal, I put money on the phone so he can call (a concept I never thought I'd need to entertain), and I wish he was home. But I don't deny his foolishness or the circumstances in which it placed him.

2) I guess this is a tragedy, but I am a Christian. I try not to see things as tragedies, but as opportunities for God to work and claim what is due Him. I do not believe any situation is hopeless.

3) My "daughter-in-law" who is not really, is the mother of my granddaughter. I love her. I have never wanted anything but the best for her since the day I laid eyes on her. Initially, it was because she was involved with my son, but I have really grown to care for her, and she deserves better than she is willing to give herself. Once again, I have to respect her decision to make her life as she chooses; I am only equipped and authorized to pray. The presupposition might be that I am furious with her for luring my son down this path, or I am tormented by the image of my granddaughter in the care of some strung out street junkie. The truth is, my son has always been able to find his own way down crooked paths, and I will never accept my granddaughter's mother as hopeless or helpless (see #2). As for anything else, I am not thoroughly informed of her situation right now, so that is all I will say about that.

4) My granddaughter is stuck, in every sense of the word. She is the one I feel for most. Mom and Dad are of little, if no, help to her right now. I do not see her for fear of exacerbating the perverse and complicated situation, nor can I fight my son's battles for him. I will not cause my granddaughter to be used as fuel for an already raging fire by laying the groundwork for accusations and suspicions. I will not maintain a relationship so my son might piggyback his role as "sometimes" father, while Gramma does all the leg work. He is Dad, and I will allow him to man-up and assume his responsibilities. The presupposition might be that my heart breaks for this little peanut. The truth is that my heart is in the care of the Holy One of Israel, the Almighty God, and through prayer, the life of my granddaughter is as well.

Now that I have revealed my true identity, thank you all, so much for your prayers and phone calls. But your pity and head-shaking are for those without hope.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

1 Peter 1:3 (NIV)
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

Psalm 71:14 (NIV)
But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more

James 5:16b  
The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man
availeth much. 

One More Reason NOT to Live in New Jersey

I try not to weigh in on popular news reports, but this one is far too tempting. It is the story of Rachel Canning, a New Jersey teen who is suing her parents for support and college tuition. Part of the temptation to respond comes from personal experience. Allow me to summarize:

One day, as I was leaving work, a colleague told me of her freshman daughter who had become quite ill at college. She was concerned because the school refused to disclose her daughter’s condition, as she was an adult and entitled to privacy. Previous discussions had revealed college tuition had put quite a burden on this family. It was at that moment it clicked: why on earth would a parent, half way – or further --to retirement place such a burden on themselves for an adult child? Would a Wall Street investor throw money into something with no way measure results? In a world where college degrees are hardly enough to land a job washing dishes, where does it all stop? “Mom, I can’t get a job with an Associate’s; you’re gonna have to shell out some more dough for my Master’s!” Why are parents assuming responsibilty for post-high school education, and who lives in a state where they mandate such a travesty? 

Additional experience came my way when, just a year or two later my sixteen year old son decided he no longer wanted to abide by any of our rules, and left home. He returned only a day or two later and agreed to some basic regulations: attending family dinner at least three nights per week, keeping his room clean and his bed made, and making average to above average grades in school. (Tough, I know). He agreed, and less than a week later, rolled out again. One and done. I can understand a mistake, a moment of poor judgment, a trial of authority, but once I’ve given you a pass, you toe the line. He wasn’t coming back until he saw it our way. And, until recently, he never wanted to come back.

You probably already know where I plan on going with this.

 "Dear Rachel Canning:

A)     If you’re old enough for the press to release your name; you’re old enough to pay for college yourself.

B)      If you think your parents owe you anything, think again.

C)      You are not gaining anything by demanding it from others.

D)   You should be grateful to your parents for living in a state that forces your parents into indentured servitude.

E)     Etc., etc., etc."

But let me twist things up a bit. When my son left home, he went to another family member’s house. My husband and I wanted to leave my son with no other alternative but to come home and, through a structured environment, practice self-respect and consideration for others. My husband and I wanted him to realize that character is being free to buck the system, but choosing not to do so, for the greater good. My husband and I wanted him to understand that adulthood is maturity in action, not unbridled self-indulgence and disregard for others. My son went to this person specifically because they did not share my concern. This person coddled him, indulging his every scheme. This person defended and protected him, despite his antisocial and careless behavior. This person had a desperate need to have my son's approval, rather than do what was best for him. The anger I felt toward this person was intense. They were “ruining my son.” I’m not sure if that was entirely true, but they certainly didn’t help.

Rachel Canning is living with her boyfriend and his parents. The idiocy of New Jersey's emancipation law aside, she is an adult. My guess is BF's parents recognize the fact that an eighteen year old is certainly old enough to be held accountable for her actions. She comes and goes as she pleases; she, after all, doesn’t belong to them – who are they to say anything? She, no doubt, is on her best behavior as a guest, and BF's family believes her parents are heinous. BF's parents have been much better parents to their son than poor Rachel's, and maybe they even feel pity for them -- I mean, not everyone was meant to have children. I shouldn't judge, but anyone who steps between a responsible, watchful parent and their child -- adult or not -- best be forewarned. Not only is it ethically abhorrent, but a smart lawyer could ensure you never do that again.

If, as the law states, she has not been automatically emancipated, at the least she should be considered a runaway, and her boyfriend's family held liable for interfering and harboring a runaway. At most, perhaps kidnapping charges are warranted. Either way, we'll see if Rachel tries to manipulate her way out of this one, and the State of New Jersey accommodates such foolishness.

Worship

God, You are so good, so mighty and wise.
You give so much to us, so much from Your loving, generous hand.

Father, we make a mess.
     We test Your forgiveness;
     We resist Your love;
     We determine to go our own way.
And still, You never change.

You are sovereign, and Your love extends to all people,
     through all generations.

You are Ruler over all.
     The waves crash at Your command;
     The sun sets upon Your word;
     The leaves whither in Your time.
And yet, You do not love them as You love us.

You are Creator of all things, the most intelligent, omniscient
     designer of all.

You formed us in perfect goodness and love.
     We are the only ones who defy Your will.
     We are the only ones who curse Your name.
     We are the ones who selfishly corrupt and use others You have made.
And still, we are the ones You love most;
     the ones You proclaim whole by the life of Your Son.

Forgive us, O Lord, for our foolishness, our hatred,
     our arrogance, and our fear.
Forgive us for our rejection of the One Whom we need most --
     You.

God, You are so good, so mighty and wise.
You give so much to us, so much from Your loving, generous hand.