A Marriage Made in Heaven

After a night of tossing, turning, kicking, and shoving, I was ready to show my husband the inside of a pine box. Okay, maybe not a pine box, but definitely alternate sleeping accommodations. We'd reserved a room with two Queen beds for a recent trip we made. Normally, sleeping in an unfamiliar place in a bed smaller and less made-to-order than ours at home makes things a little uncomfortable, but this night was exceptionally torturous. By early morning, I'd grown so tired of hugging the edge of the bed and still being pushed and prodded, when Scott made an attempt to move my arm one last time, I resisted with all I had yet continued to feign sleep. Eventually he capitulated and I listened intently as he readjusted. Once I was sure he was settled...Five...Four...Three...Two...One...I pulled my arm back, far to my side of the bed. Aaaaah, the revenge was sweet!

When less than an hour later, the grey light of a rainy morning began creeping through the window, I decided I'd had enough. I quietly dressed, grabbed my books, and headed outdoors to have my quiet time with Jesus. As I read my morning Scriptures, I realized the relationship I want with Jesus is the relationship I have with my husband. Yes, he drives me crazy. No, I don't always agree with him. And, obviously, we have our issues. But there is absolutely no one else I'd rather do life with. I don't look at other men. I don't look at other couples and think, "They seem so much happier than we are." I don't wake up in the morning and say, "Alright, well, let me go do this hard thing called marriage." Times are difficult and things certainly don't always go as we'd like, but we are in this for better or for worse. We are one. 

Oh, how I long to say that about my Savior and me! Most times I'm trying to get things right or focused on how wrong I've gotten them instead of enjoying our relationship. While I'm looking in the fridge, seeing what's been provided, and planning meals my husband will enjoy around what's available, it's an entirely different approach in my relationship with my Lord. With Jesus, I tend to whine. Here's what I don't have. Why can't I do this? I'm not just calmly, quietly, gratefully using what I have to please Him, but rather taking the approach that if I had this or that, I'd be better equipped to bring an offering. Do I think He doesn't know what's in "the fridge???"

Then there are the sleeping arrangements. Before we head off to bed, Scott and I usually enjoy some downtime together. He watches television while I read, or we choose something to watch or read together. It's a team sport, and I enjoy these moments together, when the business of the day has been laid aside. But my relationship with Jesus is not like this. I'm busy, busy, busy. Take the time to sit quietly in His presence?! Who will do the dishes or plan the week's events? I can't just sit. What will I do when I sit? Okay, maybe I'll sit for a bit...after I do this one thing. What sort of relationship is that? It's the winding down, the quiet, the stillness that brings my husband and I together. If I ever wonder why I don't have the relationship with Jesus that I have with Scott, perhaps that is why --I've not acquiesced to His command to rest.

And it is in those moments when I am 100%, undeniably, comfortably human, uniquely me, that I am most grateful for Scott. Of all the people I know, he has loved me best, most honestly, most patiently, most intimately. I have failed him and felt terrible that I failed him; I have asked for forgiveness and been moved to never do "that" again. But I've not tip-toed around, or presented some false self to him, or continued to bring up my infraction or my resolve to avoid it in the future; I get back in the race (or confess my clandestine plot for revenge), and we move on. As great as my husband is, however, how can I not allow the forgiveness and grace of my perfect Savior to envelop me the same way? How can I not know that He loves me even more than my husband --all of me, the 4AM vengeful me, the trying to get things right me, the self-pitying me, the whining me, the hurried and deflecting me? How can I think that He wants anything but for me to get back in the race, confess my lack, and move on with Him leading the way? How can I think my Groom wants His bride to be anything other than one with Him?