Countdown to Christmas: December 11, 2023

The CELEBRATION continues!! Except, right now, I'm thinking about blurred out faces and adulterated words like "family" and "love." Seems a little cynical, I know, and very angry --something I was once very good at. This is the season of giving and joy, time to put away all that stuff and be at peace! you say. And I will concur. However, this is also the season in which those who have lost loved ones struggle to find their "new normal," ways to celebrate which not only remember those who are not with us but also move on from that point. Let's face it, it wouldn't be such a struggle if family wasn't such a big deal. It wouldn't be such a struggle if love and being together wasn't such an important component of our celebrations. It wouldn't be such a struggle if those photos we use to capture the wonder and excitement of our merrymaking didn't also so accurately capture our empty spaces or broken hearts. How important it is to spend time with those we love and how strange is it that our holiday celebrations can look very different from year to year. We discover new things to do or find we don't have the means --or maybe even the desire --to celebrate in the ways of the past. But when those who once celebrated with us are no longer present, or those who used words like "love" or "forever" or "family" are no longer returning our calls, that can be a whole different kind of pain. 

This year, we are celebrating with a new family member, someone not related by birth or marriage, not a friend we've known for years; but a young man longing for a forever home. And while that may seem noble or exciting, I can't help but think of every home, every place in which he has spent (celebrated?) Christmas Day. Family photos which cannot be posted publicly. Awkward introductions and unfamiliar faces. Prying questions or no questions at all. Christmas gifts which fulfill every child's desire but never seem to meet that need. Rejection, drama, acceptance that ices over at the mention of his "real mom," unconditional love that lasts until it doesn't. This new family, the grown-ups, the ones who chose this, the ones with all the control are eager to celebrate abundance, but are we able to understand how he is reeling with loss? Can we appreciate the pain this season might bring, the pain of other homes he believed would be forever, the pain of being the only person whose history has not yet been woven into the fabric of Christmases past? 

By God's grace, this Christmas we will celebrate without my mother. I say "by God's grace" because I know where she is, and she is better than you or I. I also say "by God's grace" because, cognitive decline robbed my mom of Christmas and us of my mom long ago. It was, for us, a blessing in that we have grown accustomed to her not being present. And I say "by God's grace" because I believe losing Mom just days before this young man came to us was Providential. I have been walking in gain and loss simultaneously ever since. As I appreciate the room and the time we have to care for him, I mourn the loss that gave us these things. As I walk in that dichotomy day after day, I can understand how he does as well. His journey, his story and all his pain have brought him to us; ours has brought us to him. As we figure out ways to celebrate together, as we determine what we want and do not want, we are all attempting to be mindful of the awkward beauty and the painful joy of our situation. 

And now that I think about it, I'm not sure there is any better picture of the poverty and glory of a God-child leaving the splendor of heaven to die for those who continue to despise Him today. But for those who know Him, the CELEBRATION continues!