Shutting the Door

It was years ago, but it was one of those things that, even as I did it, even as I said the words, I was sickened by how wrong I was. I'd incinerated my first marriage, hurt him deeply, and, as he stood at the door of my new address --somewhere I never should have been, separated or not-- I told him I never wanted to speak to him again. I was shutting a door. And, as I spoke, I quite literally shut the door behind me. I wanted no one else to hear the terrible words coming from my mouth. Bad enough I said them to this man who in no way deserved them; I couldn't let anyone bear witness to my contemptible behavior.

The account of Lot in Genesis 19, is one of those strange and terrifying incidents of which people tend to have morbid curiosity: Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot's wife becoming an instant stalagmite, etc. One thing I've always noticed (19:6), as Lot goes to dissuade the men of Sodom from sexually assaulting his guests --for the sake of keeping this post rather brief, I'm counting on you to read the whole description of events yourself (use the link above ⬆⬆)-- as Lot appears at the doorway to talk the men out of their intentions, he closes the door behind him. I've always thought that was a reckless thing to do. An angry mob, bent on violence and depravity --did he really think it a good idea to be stuck out there alone with them? Perhaps he was simply trying to keep the noise of the crowd from disturbing the family. But as I was reading it the other day, the memory of my own attempts to cover my wickedness came back to me. And I realized, Lot was one of them! He'd settled in their city. 19:1 says he was sitting at the gate: that makes it likely he was a leader of the community. He saw these townsmen day after day; he'd become one of them, and now, they were at his door, threatening his guests --his angelic guests. I would assume Uncle Abraham had warned Lot, God was preparing to torch the city (Genesis 18. Yep, more reading!). Did Lot believe his guests had been sent by God to pick out the righteous folk and spare them? What would they think of Lot and his clan? Get out the family Bible! Say your prayers! Keep up appearances! Lot might very well have closed the door behind him so those inside couldn't hear what might be said outside --possibly Lot's reason for not allowing the angels to spend the night in the city square (19:2,3) as well. Who knows the tales the neighbors would have to tell these celestial beings about their buddy, Lot! So, Lot attempts to keep his "inside" life separate from his "outside" life, and then he makes the mob this offer: "I have two daughters who have not known a man; please, let me bring them out to you, and you may do to them as you wish." What?! Scholars talk about the "worthlessness" of daughters in various cultures and time periods; they talk about exchanging a "smaller sin" for a much greater iniquity; and these might explain (not excuse) Lot's offer, but judging by Lot's reluctance to leave Sodom and his desire to remain so close to its ruins (19:15-20), I have to wonder if what was going on inside him was just as corrupt as what was going on outside his door. And did he really think he could keep it outside?

My behavior years ago was immoral, reprehensible, and dishonest --whether anyone could hear what I said or not. I wasn't trying to shelter anyone but myself; I wasn't looking to protect anyone, just my reputation. There is no door that can be shut to keep God from knowing our hearts even if our acting is award-winning. And there's no door to keep others who are watching closely enough from discovering it eventually.

So, what's going on in the sanctuary of your heart? Ask yourself, Does it match what's going on right on my front porch? Am I seeking to impress people, or am I living authentically and for the Lord? Do I find the need to compartmentalize relationships or activities? Is there a "Sunday look" and a wardrobe for the rest of the week? Ask God to search your heart and, by His Holy Spirit reveal areas you are trying to keep behind closed doors. Ask His forgiveness and seek to obey Him that your life may bring Him glory each and every day of this new year.

(Photo courtesy LuAnn Martin)