Where Is Your Confidence?

This year I made up my mind I was buying myself a new outfit for Easter. I've had the same few thrift store dresses on "REPEAT", and I wanted to celebrate by rocking something brand new. So, I headed out that Saturday to do a little shopping. A cheery little set called to me as I walked in the store. I took a few minutes to try it on in a dressing room and loved it! Comfy, stylish; different from most of my other ensembles, yet "so me." Sunday morning, however, was a different story. Had I gained ten pounds in the hours since I'd left the store? Did it shrink as it hung in my closet? How did I leave the store feeling so confident, and now I'm sitting here rethinking every fashion choice I've ever made?

Weeks after, I was tucking in our youngest and, from the story we were reading, I asked the question, "What is the difference between confidence in yourself and confidence in God?" His answer was profound:

Confidence in God is a complete gift. Confidence in yourself, you are always trying to gain; it comes and goes.

Let me say that again for the folks in the back. Confidence in God is a complete gift. Confidence in yourself, you are always trying to gain; it comes and goes. Who am I kidding? That was not just for the people in the back; that was for me! And, hopefully, it benefits you as well. 

Don Matzat, author of the wonderful book, Christ-Esteem: Where the Search for Self-Esteem Ends emphasizes the importance of keeping ourselves centered on Christ, especially during times of personal struggle. Good Christians who are hurting are sometimes misled into thinking they lack self-love or self-esteem; they can also be misled when it comes to confidence. Oh, Sister Anita does so much for the Lord; she is fearless! Or, Have you heard Pastor Tim is writing a book? I wish I had that much confidence in my abilities. The real truth is, Sister Anita and Pastor Tim (hopefully) are not riding out some tremendous wave of confidence in their own character or talents any more than they have super self-esteem. They are succeeding in what they have been given to do because their identity and their confidence rests in the One handing out the assignments.

Recently, I was asked to take a position in our church. It was explained that this was, in a sense, a mere formality. You're already doing it; that's why we're asking you to receive it. Okay, no pressure. But the day of, the day this was to be "made formal" I contemplated taking the dog for a veeeeery long walk, perhaps into the next time zone. Not only does recognition make me uneasy, but I felt like such a fraud. I don't... I do... I can't... All of the arguments as to why I was absolutely, irrefutably unfit for the job I'd "already been doing." Somewhere along the line, I'd allowed my confidence in the Commissioner to be replaced by a shaky, volatile, coming-and-going reliance on little ol' me, the fractured earthen vessel, the fumbler, the rebel, the commissioned. Confidence in God is a complete gift. Confidence in yourself, you are always trying to gain; it comes and goes. Like the feeling when actually wearing your new clothes doesn't live up to having new clothes. Like the reality check that hits you hours before you're supposed to publicly accept a designation.

Hebrews 10:35 encourages us to not throw away our confidence. Now, I've heard a certain "teacher" explain this to be feeling assured with regard to our abilities, knowing we are children of the King and we can do this. Not at all. In context, God through the writer of Hebrews is clearly talking about the confidence that comes from trusting the One who has called us to do the things we've been called to do.

Meyer's NT Commentary says:

The self-sacrificing zeal for Christianity displayed in the past ought to animate the readers to a joyful maintenance of the same likewise in the present...

Ellicott's Commentary says:

Rather, 'Cast not away therefore your boldness, seeing it hath a great recompence.' To 'cast away boldness' is the opposite of 'holding fast the boldness of the hope' (Hebrews 3:6); the one belongs to the endurance of the faithful servant (Hebrews 10:32; Hebrews 10:36), the other to the cowardice of the man who draws back (Hebrews 10:38). This verse and the next are closely connected: Hold fast your boldness, seeing that to it belongs great reward; hold it fast, for 'he that endureth to the end shall be saved.'

The confidence we have comes from the Shepherd who never leaves His sheep, who is our comprehensive and perfect Atonement, who works for our good at all times, whose grace is sufficient, who gives gifts and cultivates fruit through His Holy Spirit whom He gave us, who promises we are more than conquerors through Him... BUT it's all through Him, in Him, and for Him. The confidence that we never have to gain or work for, that never comes and goes, but is with us in full and always.