Rid Me of the Oppression of These Trees

What is it going to take to get you to obey?!

Sounds like a desperate mother pleading with her child, doesn't it? This was the voice I heard in my heart one day, the "voice" of a Father who knows how important obedience is, for my own good. My eating was out of control. My exercise and starving myself --the means used to cover the outward effects of overeating --were equally out of control. Every means of behavior modification had failed. My knees ached and stress fractures signaled their arrival with sharp twinges. I knew my behavior was idolatry, disobedience, ingratitude, and a host of offenses toward the God who loves me, made me, and called me. Each morning, I shed tears of contrition and repentance; I could no longer go on like this; I could no longer dishonor God with my rebellion or continue to harm myself. But when chaos encircled me midafternoon, when I felt small and alone and powerless, when I had no clue how to navigate all that was happening around me and in me --in those moments of sheer panic, the pause to pray or speak God's Word over situations or praise God for His presence, were habits I'd not yet developed. Inner turmoil was real; it had been with me for as long as I could recall. And not that God is not real or I do not believe that He is, but without developing some counter-reflex to the natural reflexes I'd developed since youth, He could not be as real to me as the emotional anarchy I followed into disobedience.

When done with discretion, following gives comfort. Imagine walking through a dense wood at night. How comforting it is to grasp tightly the shirttail of one who knows the way. Stay close, I'll get you through this. Fear, anger, jealousy, worry, and grief were some of the trees in my wood. Emotions triggered by circumstances. But rather than cling to my Guide, I chose to follow bad behaviors, false guides, ungodly guides, dangerous guides. Evil escorts that have us warring against our emotions (our "trees") or paralyzed in fear before them; the gullible following of false guides that only brings us deeper into the woods and to further despair, disobedience, and self-harm. Rid me of the oppression of these trees!  

Psalm 118:10-12 says:

All nations surrounded me,
But in the name of the Lord I will destroy them.
They surrounded me,
Yes, they surrounded me;
But in the name of the Lord I will destroy them.
They surrounded me like bees;
They were quenched like a fire of thorns;
For in the name of the Lord I will destroy them.

When I read "in the name of the Lord," I think of Crusades marching under banners emblazoned with the cross, or Gideon's army shouting from the hillside, conquering in God's name, claiming territory for Him and with His blessing. But Robert Alter renders this repeated phrase, "With the LORD's name I cut them down" (emphasis mine). That by calling on the name of the Lord, by praying to Him, speaking His words, praising Him --loudly, if necessary, and at all times --those feelings like fear, anger, jealousy, worry, grief and the reflexes I have developed to mitigate them might be cut down! No more running into trees, scratching and clawing at them until my fingers are raw and burning. With the Lord's name, I cut them down. A simple step, a conscious desire to move toward my God and remain with Him there continually, long before circumstances reached maelstrom levels. No longer could I close my Bible after morning devotions with a see-You-when-I-see-You flourish and expect to find myself close to Him hours later. The habits of prayer, speaking God's truth, and praise throughout the day had to be cultivated. Spiritual disciplines had to be practiced. Who likes discipline, right? But faithful are the wounds of a friend. Jesus, our Savior and Friend, the Way, Truth, and Life, the Word of God made flesh transforms and corrects our nature as we draw near to Him throughout the day --in prayer, in meditating and speaking the Word hidden in our hearts, in worship. Obedience comes; bad behavior ceases. 

Stay close, I'll get you through this.