Stolen Blessing

I was a shoplifter. Maybe I wanted to get caught; maybe I thought I needed attention. Maybe I couldn't bear my life without the constant "high" of drama. Maybe I was tired of working so hard just to pay a three hundred percent mark-up on items I needed everyday. Regardless the motivation, it all boiled down to me, thinking I was -- or I could ever be -- able to solve my own problems.  Whether it was loneliness, or fear, or boredom, taking matters into my own hands (literally) was my answer.

I look around today, and I see so many people trying to survive in their own strength. People trapped in a constant cycle of "do-it-yourself-ism" that is usually littered with lies, betrayal, and every dirty trick you can think of -- whatever it takes to keep their heads above water. It's exhausting just watching them. Whether it's an "Instagram life" or welfare fraud, duplicity is everywhere. Emergency rooms attract addicts faking pain to get medication; recovery clinics are plagued by people with stolen scripts. Job applications are peppered with "little white lies" and relationships built on broken promises leave single mothers and fatherless children in their wake. People think the blessing is the here, the now, the cake, the car, the cash, but "do-it-yourself-ism" is the biggest failure since Eden! And the consequences! Spending wasting almost every waking moment trying to keep from getting caught is a big one! But the one that comes to mind first, when I see someone struggling to fix or forge a life all on their own: stolen blessing.

Each time I told a lie or pinched a soda, I was taking something much more: I was robbing God of the opportunity to show me who He is. I was so afraid of what others thought, or not measuring up to what I thought I should be, I stole from Him the opportunity to care for me. I refused to give in and let Him do what He does best -- love us. Until... Thanks be to God, one day troubled waters rose so I could no longer keep myself from going under. It was then, I gave in, and I was finally able to discover what I'd been missing all along: my Heavenly Father loves me, and my Heavenly Father is sovereign. Those two pieces of information have completely transformed my life! I know that whatever happens to me, God is mightier than any other, sovereign over all; so nothing can happen to me that He does not allow in order to demonstrate His love for me, and work for my good and His glory.

I often replay some of the events of my "do-it-yourselfer" years. I wonder what God would have done for me had I allowed Him, had I not refused to accept His help. I am pretty sure it would not have been easy; I am pretty sure lessons would have been learned and faith-stretching would have been part of His program, but the blessings that come from God's plans are unmatched! I can tell you with all honesty, God's ideas have rarely resembled mine. And that's a good thing! His designs have brought unexpected blessing at the last moments; His designs have seen things I wanted come and go, making room for something so much better; His designs have taught me to love Him more deeply and trust Him more completely; His design has been to strengthen me and mature me in ways I never would have imagined (much less been able to accomplish by my own hand). By allowing Him His way in my life, I have seen the tragedy of not only robbing God of His glory, but the stupidity of robbing myself of all He can do for me.