What Would You Do ...?

I've mentioned I have been working through a series on prayer by Dr. Michael Youssef, called "Prayer Prescriptions." Please listen; it is wonderful.

This morning, I sat down to listen to the next portion, and paused to pray for the Holy Spirit's wisdom and discernment. Scott was getting ready for work and I could hear him packing his lunch in the kitchen; I began to pray for him. As I prayed, a thought entered my head:

"What would you do if I called Scott to be a pastor?"

I love Scott -- obviously. He is a compassionate person; he was taught to pick up for the defenseless and care for those less fortunate. But he is tough; a "man's man", and not a public speaker. A pastor? The thought hit me like a wall of bricks.

For Scott to be a pastor, he would have to spend time in God's word. More time than I do. And I realized that stung my ego a bit.

For Scott to be a pastor, he would have to hold me accountable. Me! And I realized that stung my ego a bit.

For Scott to be a pastor, he would have to be a humble servant as Christ. And that's when things really got messy...

I pray, firstly, for the things I can comprehend. A contractor who loves the Lord, goes to men's meetings and says grace at meals. But, secondly, and much more egregiously, I pray for the things that benefit me. Not God.

And there it is. Clear as day, just as it was when it came to me in prayer.

I want a husband who is humble; he will be gentle and gracious with me. I want a husband who has strong faith; he can carry me when my faith is shaky. I want a husband who will serve God; he will learn how to serve others -- like me. I want a husband whose focus is on leading the life God requires; his focus will be removed from acquiring more stuff at the expense of my goals for our bank account or my goals for that spare storage space.

In Christian circles, I am the celebrity. Scott is the quiet, supportive husband that follows me. At home, I teach him what I know about the Lord; I talk to him about what the Lord is doing in my life. He is the bad boy, while I am the wizened proselyte. I am the servant -- to him, to my family, to neighbors, to our church family; he is beneficiary. Even in praying for my husband, for God's work in his life, I have been praying me-centered prayers! In truth, I was setting up barriers against God's work in Scott's life and, by extension, mine and the lives of others. I was telling God, "Here's what I want You to do; but only to this point."

But is God really asking me take my hands off the very thing for which I have been praying -- a humble, gentle, servant of God with a deep faith and an insatiable desire for Scripture -- in service to the Him, no matter the impact on me?! And that's just what Dr. Youssef's message turned out to be when I finally hit "Play". Funny how God does that, isn't it?

I repented for my selfish ideals and my selfish prayers. I asked God to show me how He wants me to pray for my husband, and I asked Him to help me give more and more to Him. More of me. More of my husband. More of our family. To let go, and let Him.

Honestly, I still can't see Scott as a pastor. But I'm eager to see what God will do!