Midweek: Step Three

I stood there in the dressing room arguing with my budget.

But these are so cute! They're summer jeans.

"It's not summer," my budget said.

Okay, but what if I put the shirt back?

"That frees up fifteen dollars. The jeans are thirty-five."

Eeny-meeny-meiny--

"Stop right there. You're being stupid. You know you want the summer jeans more than the winter jeans. You know, if you land on the winter jeans you'll just add all of that extra 'My mother told' me nonsense to get the summer jeans. Then you'll turn around later and just buy other winter jeans!"

My budget is ruthless, but she's right. So, I made a decision: the summer jeans will have to wait.

Step Three of recovery is: I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him. A decision. That means there can only be one. Sure, you can make a decision about where to go for breakfast and a decision about how much you're willing to spend when you get there. But once you've decided on where to go, once you're seated and the waitress has brought the coffee, you're sort of locked in. Once you've looked at the price of the Eggs Benedict and ordered the oatmeal and toast, you've made your decision. There comes a point of no return. That's what making a decision means: weighing options and information, and making the best possible selection. When we consider Step Three in light of the previous steps, we are forced to make a decision; to stay where we are would be insanity. But does it have to be so radical? I mean, turn your life over? to God?

Well, let's look at the language of Steps One and Two. Step One: powerlessness over addiction... an unmanageable life. Sounds pretty serious. To be powerless is to be completely without power, like a power outage. No lights or coffee maker or AC. Even those sounds we're used to hearing cease --the fridge, the dryer, the alarm system. That dearth of power can cause things to become very unmanageable. How do I get ready for work at 2AM if I can't see? What will I do with all of these wet clothes in the washer? Food spoils. We've seen looting and violence take place. Life changes dramatically, and in some respects, stops. Serious.

Step Two: I came to believe... greater than myself. Back to those jeans. If I believed there were no consequences to my overspending, it wouldn't matter what my budget said; I would have gotten the winter jeans, the summer jeans, and the shirt. But since I know my budget is a non-negotiable, non-variable truth, it's best to go with that. Sure, I'm free to believe something that isn't true, but why? My budget is that power greater than myself in this instance. Believing in it keeps us out of the poorhouse and allows me the freedom to spend on other things our family needs. Belief in a power greater than my own self-control or my own desires was a crucial factor in my dressing room decision. And the belief in a Power (Jesus) greater than ourselves, who sets us free, who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all we can ask or imagine, is essential in moving us from Step One to Step Three: the decision to trust that Power. And why would we not?

This world --and America in particular --is full of options. You don't like this job? Apply elsewhere. Sure, they have mayo, but it's not my brand of mayo! There's another market within walking distance. I got it home and really didn't like it. Will that be cash back or store credit? It is so easy for us to "make a decision" then change our minds. How many of us really know what it means to stick with something? I don't think the divorce rate would be quite so high if we did. To make a decision is to cross the Rubicon, to declare the die will be cast; that whatever happens, we're in it for the long haul. To make a decision is to understand and pledge, there is no going back; that our choice is our choice, as if there are no others. And, if we are serious about recovery, if we are deciding to trust our freedom to Jesus as One greater than ourselves (or any other, for that matter), there is no reason to renege and no thing about which to argue.