Humble and Quiet

Years ago, someone gave me a beautiful graphic of the book of Ephesians, all of the wonderful affirmations God speaks over us in Jesus Christ. (I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing --Ephesians 1:3; I have been chosen before the foundation of the world --1:4a; I am holy and blameless --l:4b; I have been predestined and adopted in love --1:5; I have redemption through Christ’s blood, the forgiveness of my trespasses --1:7; I have obtained an inheritance in heaven --1:10; I have been sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise --1:13 And that's just chapter one!)  I have been wrestling with the question, Who am I? But not, Who am I? In Christ, I am all those things. The question I have been contemplating is, Who am I?

The Holy Spirit has been sending up flares about my quiet time with Him. And what He's been showing me is, I'm not being very quiet. I may no longer be a readaversesayaquickprayercheckthebox "devotee," but what I am now is not much better. I study for hours and never truly learn anything. I research and read, and never hear God's voice. I bow my head and speak to Him and even stay on track, but never have a conversation with Him. It's not because He doesn't want to speak to me. It's because I'm not listening. The concept of listening, of being quiet every single day is not something I have been practicing. Hence the question, Who am I? What makes me think I am too good, or too busy to listen to God?

Months ago, we had some difficult things going on; I was crying out to God --and listening for an answer. A word came to me: HUMBLE. (If you're anything close to my age, you might be thinking of Charlotte's Web right now, but stick with me.) At the time, I assumed God was telling me I needed to be humble. I get it, I really do. I am a fairly well educated, over-achiever with a leadership mentality. I can be pretty tenacious, fearless, tough. I can run roughshod over people and approach things in a my-way-or-the-highway type of way. And I am busy, always busy. (I share this only because some of you may have the same hang-ups, things standing in the way of God and what He has called you to do.) I need to be humble if I'm going to minister to others in the name of Jesus. How can I be genuinely humble before people if I'm not humble before God? If I refuse (Let's call it what it is!) to be humble toward the God of the universe, if I refuse to listen to Him, how can I listen to the hearts of people? If I am unwilling to put aside things I want to do --even the things I tell myself I have to do-- so that I can be quiet before God in obedience to Him, so that I can be quiet before God and hear what He wants to say, what use am I?

I felt God calling me to leave my paying job to write a book. It's been difficult. Mom's needs have increased and require more of my time and attention. Instead of becoming frustrated by the "disturbance" of all this, I need to be humble, be quiet, trust that His ways are not my ways, and His plans are good. If God called me to write (and I believe He has) He will handle it all. In His way. In His time. My job is to be humble and listen for His voice, His schedule, His heartbeat.