In What World Is Adoption Normal?

Adoption is not normal. Think about it. You take a child --one of society's most vulnerable --you take a child you barely know, place them in your home, tell them you are his/her parents now, this is your room now, these are your classmates now, this is your neighborhood now, this is your family tree now, this is what we're going to call you now... This child, looking somewhat shell-shocked as expected, poses with you in pictures; they sleep just down the hall in a room that used to be an office. They now see themselves in photos surrounded by faces smiling as though this is the way things have always been. At night, they slide under the covers knowing the only people they can cry out to are people they've known for less time than it takes to pay off a bedroom remodel. And while it is the parents who wield most of the control, it's no less unnerving for them. Life has gone from feeling perhaps they should downsize to calling for estimates on an addition. The once heavy silence is now nerve-wracking cacophony. Days once spent sipping coffee, creating and cooking now hold barely enough time for meatloaf and boxed mac & cheese. Lunch with friends? How about six months from now? And a stranger moves about from room to room, touching picture frames that hold the images of those whose love came more naturally and writing his name in the fog created by his breath on the bathroom mirror.

But this was not mankind's idea. God instituted adoption long before it ever crossed our minds. In the Old Testament Pharaoh's daughter pulled the Hebrew baby she named Moses from the river and raised him in the palace as if he was her own. The book of Esther tells us the young woman, Hadassah in Hebrew, had no parents and was raised by her uncle. Scripture mentions people of other nations who were integrated into Jewish life (and the genealogy of Jesus!) and adhered to the Law and worshipped the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Romans 11 talks about the "grafting in" of Gentiles to the family of our Savior, and Ephesians 1:3-6 says those who are His were predestined to adoption.

At this very moment, I am listening to my husband and our son playing. When they are through and I have finished my work, we will sit down to dinner. We will wind things down shortly after that, preparing for a good night's rest and another week ahead. Our life with our son has taken on such a natural quality, I often remind myself he hasn't always been here. We have achieved normalcy, right? No. Simple misunderstandings have escalated to yelling, packed bags, refusals, failed attempts at redirection, "apologies" lasting mere moments until the infraction was repeated, broken promises, broken things, and broken relationship. Like adoption itself, this is not normal. This is the result of a curse, a curse that was brought upon all of mankind with the first sin. In a lush garden where relationship with God was intimate and love was normal, Adam, the representative of all mankind defied our God and brought condemnation to all mankind. Relationship with our Creator was broken. Can a relationship be anything but broken after that? The brokenness of that relationship is what causes us to act so wretchedly toward others and so self-destructively toward ourselves. The brokenness of that relationship is what leads us to the need for adoption and psychologists and all sorts of entities designed to fix other entities. The brokenness of that relationship is what creates in us a longing for "normal" and the need for wholeness. Adoption in this world, joining broken people to one another for the benefit of the whole, is a flawed attempt at repair. The adoption found in our Heavenly Father through Jesus Christ is perfect, complete in every way. The adoptee is safe, loved and guided by a perfect Parent. A special place has been created, and his/her name has been called as one of God's own since before the foundation of the world. Siblings are likeminded, life is made new, burdens are made light, the yoke is easy when the way is hard, and there are no strangers and aliens but us --us together, not us as individuals --placed here but at home with our Father. And while it may not be normal, while the impetus for it may be tragedy, adoption into the family of God is a gift. A means by which relationship can be established and love can be normalized again.

I don't think our adoption as parents, or our adoption of a son will ever come close to achieving that sort of wholeness; but I thank God we have been granted the privilege of imitating His perfect gift in one of the best ways available.