Waiting for Us

Not many people know this, and I haven't been compelled to talk about it here, but my husband and I are on an adoption journey. Five years ago, we began fostering two incredible children. They were young. We were pretty convinced we were old. Feel free to weigh in on that at any time. It turned out to be one of the most difficult, exhausting, rewarding, wonderful, rejuvenating periods we have ever put ourselves and our relationship through. When that season ended, we didn't breathe a sigh of relief, we didn't begin thinking about porch swings or golf swings; we wondered what on earth we were going to do with all of this free time. We looked around at our big house --which now appeared extravagantly big, and wondered what on earth we were going to do with all of this extra space. We each looked inside at our empty, aching hearts --mine felt more like a huge cavern, dark and echoey --and wondered if they would ever be full again. We spent some time examining our motives and goals, and then began the paperwork. Life happened along the way, and delays occurred. We didn't have any set timetable but God's, so we followed His lead. We are HERE. Just like those little red dots on the map that signify where you are in relation to the entrance and the exit, in relation to the food court and the first-floor Starbucks. We're not at the end, but we're not at the beginning either. We are pretty much right in the thick of things. And we're waiting.

The thing about this sort of waiting is, there is a child or children waiting as well. Waiting for a family. Waiting for answers. Waiting for a happy ending. Waiting for normal. Waiting for stability and security. Waiting for one life to end and another to begin. Waiting to hold a big green trash bag that contains only trash. Sooner or later, we hope, our waiting and his(?) her(?) their(?) waiting will end in a moment called "Us." And we will try to give our family everything it needs and, possibly, some of what it wants. We will fail and we will try again. We will succeed, celebrate, and move on toward the next mountain. We will wait for answers together, build a happy ending together, be as normal and stable and secure as we can be in this world, remember the past as a pathway to the present, be present in the present, and face the future together, and we will take out the trash --and only the trash --together. As I read long ago, we will strive to give one another roots and wings.

This began as a post about adoption. I was meaning to point to our adoption in Christ. Instead, I have talked about hope and fear and possibility and waiting and dreams. I have no delusions about the difficulties we may encounter --"in this world you will have trouble..." I have no misconceptions about trauma and pain --many of us have our own. I have no illusion of the perfect life --I haven't met anyone yet with one of those. But I do know what God can do. And if God has mapped out this path for us, it will be for our good and His glory, of that I am assured. Wherever we are in relation to the entrance or the exit, however long we wait, whatever happens when the waiting is over and the "Us" begins, we trust what God is doing. For all of Us.