Washing Away the Shame

It's been a while since I've donated blood. I used to schedule my next appointment as I was leaving one-- every eight weeks like clockwork. I'll be honest, something happened at an appointment a while back that left me feeling a little meh; so, I lost my mojo. This year I decided to grow up, put it behind me, and get back to doing something I really believe is worthwhile and requires so little effort on my part. I have to add, recently, I have been doing some work on myself in the area of "shame." I've been reading and working out of an excellent book, The Soul of Shame, by Curt Thompson, MD. So, I'm sitting there at this appointment, feeling a little uneasy because of the way I was treated a few years ago and, at the same time, feeling pretty good about overcoming this hurdle, bringing something I feel badly about into the light and getting rid of its hold over me. 

Judi! the phlebotomist calls out. Have a seat here and we'll complete your profile. State your name, birthdate, blah, blah, blah... Oh my! You've given blood under Chambers (my maiden name), P-- (my first husband's name), Auri--Auri-- 

Aurilio! I interjected with my second husband's name, just wanting the Mickey Mouse Club roll call to be over. 

AND Murphy! she continued.

And that's when I heard it; it was shame speaking: She has no idea what my story is. How dare she judge me. I should just leave. Or maybe make up a story to explain all those names.

But then, the Holy Spirit opened my eyes. Oh, Satan, I see what you are doing here. I typically don't address him or give him credit for anything, but this was a first rate effort: using the truth about my past to lure me into doing something today I will surely regret tomorrow.

The next morning, I was studying Exodus 2:11-15. Moses, the adopted son of Pharaoh's daughter, had taken a walk in Goshen, the land of the Hebrew slaves. He witnessed an Egyptian beating a Hebrew man and, when he was sure no one was looking, killed the Egyptian. The following day on his walk, he saw two Hebrew men fighting and attempted to stop it; but the assailant responded Who made you a prince and a judge over us? Do you intend to kill me as you killed the Egyptian? Apparently, someone was looking, and shame was determined to strongarm Moses into making another bad decision. It's just like the Enemy to use truth to shake Moses. He would be called to lead the nation of Israel. He would be called to sit and judge them. When Moses stood before the burning bush, were those the words running through his mind-- Who made you a prince and judge over us? Were those the words that caused him to argue with God over His choice of leadership-- Who made you a prince and judge over us?

All throughout Scripture, shame is a "reward" for those who value empty things and lies, those who seek to kill God's people, those whom God has rejected, and fools; it is a sign of His judgment. Shame is something that those who are God's children, those who believe on Him are delivered from. As a society, we employ shame to corral folks into doing what is right: habitual lying will result in the loss of relationships and maybe even isolation from the rest of society. Who wants that? But shame in the hands of the Enemy can force us into hiding-- from others and from God. Look what it did for Adam and Eve! If shame can force us to hide from God, we will not enter God's presence, confess our sins, receive forgiveness and walk in that newness of life. If we disallow relationship with others, how can we follow Jesus' Great Commission and make disciples? How can we serve and love others if we turn our backs on fellowship? And if we're not out there doing good things in the name of Jesus, how will others give Him glory? It is in the Enemy's best interest to keep us burdened by shame, "hiding" our sin from God and our faces from one another, either out of embarrassment and fear, or out of sheer indignation.

The solution is transparency, honesty, vulnerability: Yes, I have messed up in the past; but I have claimed the forgiveness won for me at the cross, and I no longer do the sinful things I used to do. That kind of integrity isn't always met with approval and understanding in this world; but our relationship with God-- if we are His --will stand throughout eternity. Romans 10:11 assures us, For the Scripture says, 'Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.'  It may be just like the Enemy to use shame to force us into hiding, but it's just like Jesus to use His own blood to set us free!