Unqualified

In the interest of transparency-- and transparency breaks the bonds of shame, y'all --I want your to know something. It's something that, when I say it, my eyes tend to fall to the floor, my voice lowers. Whenever I feel a they're-gonna-ask-for-your-testimony moment coming on, my brain, working at warp speed, is already formulating more palatable ways of saying it, is already formulating the explanations that I hope will justify it. The it is that I have been married three times. Yes, three. That little fun fact has been the source of some shame, and the twisted thinking of shame goes as follows:

You are unqualified.

Unqualified to serve the Lord, unqualified to even think of speaking to anyone about marriage, unqualified to be considered clean or new (that one really hits hard). Unqualified for all sorts of reasons! Because, now that I've had my fun, sown my wild oats, as they say, I want to sit back in my later years and tell other people how to live. Because I was a hot mess then and it's only a matter of time before I am a hot mess again. Because people like me...well, we are forever damaged goods.

I am not going to share my testimony with any detail. That may be for another day. I am not going to explain myself or the circumstances of any of my marriages. I am going to tell you this:

I am qualified.

I am qualified because the blood of Jesus has cleansed me from all of my sin: past, present, future. I am qualified because God has a plan and purpose for my life: to glorify Him and to share with others the good news of His salvation. I am qualified because God has changed me, is changing me, and will change me to reflect His character, the character that Jesus Christ walked out on earth two thousand years ago for all of us to see and imitate. I am qualified because God uses broken vessels (like me, like David, like a woman at a well, like Paul) to shine His light and reveal His steadfast love to others who are in need of a Savior. That is the meat and potatoes, if you will, of my testimony, of my calling, and of my qualification. None of it is of me.

So I guess, Shame, if you're listening, you are right: I am not qualified, but praise God, the One who lives in me is! And now you have been exposed, but so has He! (2 Corinthians 3:17-4:18)