Kindly, Do What He Commands

Has God ever told you to do something? Of course, “Remember the Sabbath to keep it holy,” and “Honor your father and mother.” Of course those things, but has God ever "told" you to do something else, something specific to you, something not explicitly spelled out in the pages of Scripture or preached about on a Sunday morning? Some might call it "putting something on your heart." For instance, Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” But, do we always know what, exactly, “kind” is supposed to look like in a situation?

I had a friend —well, because of Scripture’s direction with regard to kindness, I still have that friend —but this friend was doing something that, had she been watching herself do it, as we tend to see ourselves doing things in a dream, she would have been mortified. I prayed (and stressed, I’ll be honest) for months over this “thing.” In prayer, I went through the Five Stages of “Beef.” (You know, the stages you encounter when someone close to you has crossed the line and now, you’ve got beef.)

- Stage One: Hearing Check. Did she just say that? And weeks later, Oh, yeah, she said it again! Is this is becoming “a thing?”

- Stage Two: Self-Check (May require the participation of another loving friend with wisdom). What would you think if you heard someone say…? Am I being overly sensitive, or does that bother you, too? Maybe I’m out of line but, is that normal?

- Stage Three: Rationalizing. This is really unlike her. She’s been under a lot of stress lately; maybe that’s the cause of it. Should I just give Sis a mulligan on this one and see what happens?

- Stage Four: Reoccurrence and Commission. Ok, this thing continues to be a thing. I can’t let her go on like this. Someone is going to get hurt. This problem is only going to get larger. If I am the friend that I say I am, I must speak up.

- Stage Five: The Talk. Sis, I have been praying about this, and I’m not sure what your thoughts are, but this is what I see…

Now, I want you to know, these steps do not exist in a vacuum. Along with this goes much praying and, for me, much whining, dragging my feet, and wishing “she” would just stop what she is doing or saying-- even that I could just be wrong: Please convict me of my own self-seeking so I don’t have to do this. You see, I typically do not like confrontation. I had enough of it in my younger years to last me a lifetime, and trust me when I say, it wasn’t practice. As a child, I fought with my brother daily; in my teen years, my parents; I spent my twenties fighting everyone (mostly the Holy Spirit, I was later to find), and my thirties were spent doing battle with an ex-husband.  Rather than fighting the true enemy, I fought those around me, people who were as lost and desperate as I was. I fought hard, I fought long, and I fought all wrong, without godly perspective and without the right preparation. So when it comes to confronting others--even in love --it’s not one of those things that causes me to bristle with excitement.

What, exactly, should I say? Are You sure I have to do this? You’re not just going to make her stop? What do I do if she tells me to mind my own business? What do I say if she tells me I’m being too judgmental? What if she no longer wants to be my friend?

All of those things give me pause, but we are called to build one another up and speak the truth in love (Eph.4:11-16); we are commanded to walk alongside one another as we imitate Christ and work together to keep each other in the way, to pick one another up when we stumble (Galatians 6:1-2). And when God tells us to move, we get move. So, I did. And the friendship didn't detonate in a burst of tears or hurt feelings or bitter clap-backs. It was fortified, in fact, because it was obedience motivated by love, love demonstrated by obedience, and a whole lot of grace. Grace from my friend that, even though I was clumsy and visibly uncomfortable, and probably didn't do it the way Jesus would, she heard His heart through my bumbling. And grace from God that He was with me and blessed my desire to obey.