Is Divorce a Sin? (Because Someone Needs to Hear This Right Now)

Yes, but I don't believe sin is necessarily the point, and I do not believe doing everything right is the goal. It is a goal, for sure, but not the goal. Matthew 6:33a says, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness," His righteousness. God's, not our own. I could be wrong and if I am, I urge you to show me, but I don't believe the divorce question is about sin any more than the question of our pursuit is about our own righteousness.

Let's first talk about marriage, though. Marriage was established by God to be a picture of His relationship with His people. In the Book of Hosea, God uses the imagery of the prophet Hosea's marriage to illustrate the unfaithfulness of His people Israel, to caution them of the consequences of their choices, and to demonstrate His might and mercy. Marriage is a covenant between two people as our relationship with God should be a covenant: Jesus has redeemed us from the power of sin and death (rescued His church bride from playing the whore to Satan and the flesh) and has imparted us with His righteousness (dressed us in white as though we were a virgin), therefore, we should live as those joined to God in Christ Jesus (made one with Him). Marriage is extremely sacred to God and should, therefore be extremely sacred to us. We should be doing everything in our power to make our marriages wonderful, to lift one another up in prayer, and to hate divorce as much as God does. 

Having said all of that, it seems we are sometimes left with no choice but to endure divorce. I say "endure," because I believe 1 Corinthians 7:15 teaches that if one files for divorce, the other spouse is to let them go before things get ugly; we are to live in peace. Therefore, it is the spouse who did not want to divorce who must endure it. But what about the spouse who believes they must file because of physical abuse or infidelity? This is where things get a little less cut and dried. 

I am divorced. Twice. The first divorce was absolutely 100% on me. I was an unbeliever, married to a wonderful, caring, faithful unbeliever, and I burnt it to the ground. The second was a little more involved. It was a physically and emotionally abusive relationship between two unbelievers. He was a serial adulterer, and although he hated me, he refused to divorce me; I was nothing more than the place he revisited when his affairs dead-ended. Eventually, we separated, and we were all better for it. God does not want people sinning against and damaging each other. My children and I were now safe. But, did I have to go through with the divorce? In retrospect, my answer is no. The arguments that would seem to support divorce do not satisfy me. "Divorce allowed me to find closure." God gives closure. "Divorce allowed me to get support for my children." God is my provider. Could I have gone on indefinitely married to, though not living with, a man who did not love me the way Christ loves His Bride? Nothing is impossible with God. Did I have to go on indefinitely married to, though not living with, a man who did not love me as Christ loves His Bride? Today, I trust God would have handled it. He would have changed my ex-husband's heart and reconciled us; we could have returned to living together as God intended. Or, I would have prayed for reconciliation until my ex-husband took the steps to divorce me; I would have endured divorce, not provoked it. But all of this is me looking at my situation through the faithfulness God has shown me over many years and the relentless work of the Holy Spirit in me over those same many years. 

You might say that when I needed to be at this place in my walk I wasn't. And that's not for the Holy Spirit's lack of trying, that's for sure. God has had His hand on me since before birth. He has wooed me and looked after me time and time again. I was too busy being religious, worrying about how things appeared, rejecting God because His standards are too high, fixating on what was or wasn't a sin (usually in terms of other people's behavior) rather than trusting in the work of Christ at the cross, the only way we can meet God's standards. So, rather than ask if divorce or anything else is a sin, I would encourage you to focus your attention on the Way to holiness, Jesus Christ.