Leaving a Mark on Eternity

What is one of those things you know is hanging you up? Maye it's just something you keep hearing about or it keeps popping into your head throughout the day. The Bible tells us we are to "walk circumspectly." In other words, the things we say, think, and do matter. We need to look back and evaluate those things -- learn from our own history; we need to evaluate those things in real time, as we say, think, or do them; and we need to prepare, that the things we say, think and do might be of eternal worth.  

In my youth, I learned it was eat or be eaten in this world. Gain the upper hand, move to higher ground before your opponent. And, everyone was your opponent. I was the first one to volunteer for things. I worked to be the most well-rounded, signing up for every extracurricular or sport I could handle (and more than I could handle); I ran for class office and Student Council; I was National Honor Society and honor roll consistently. I taught and worked multiple jobs at a time. I made my children's clothing and costumes; ran them from one end of the county to the other; enrolled them in multiple extracurriculars and sports. I may have appeared selfless in service, industrious, and dedicated to learning. I may have appeared a wonderful leader and mentor. I may have appeared talented, a natural at being a mom. I was just gaining the upper hand. I was making my way to higher ground. It was all about me. In fact, if you'd offered me help, I would have turned it down. Oh, I complained enough about all I had to do, but I didn't need help.

The truth is, I needed help more than those I was "helping." The money I was raising for the school? I certainly wasn't going to raise it by myself. The object was to be a part of something -- not the whole. The children I was teaching? They weren't going to learn everything they needed to learn in one year or ten years, and they certainly weren't going to learn it all from me. My purpose was to teach them what God was instructing me to teach them, and to share a bit of me with them. How much more would they have learned if I'd been vulnerable and honest with them? How much would I have learned? What would have happened if I'd let someone do things their way and I simply went along for the ride? What would have happened if I'd not only admitted I needed help, but taken the help? 

A few years back, I wrote one of my children a book. I wanted them to know my story. Not because it's such a remarkable thing, but because it is one littered with mistakes and plenty of regrets. Because I have walked circumspectly, and there are times I did not like what I found. Because I have shut good people out and taken far too much on myself (and I want so desperately for my child to avoid those pitfalls). Because the key to all of this, is to understand life is not about simply living it the way we choose, living it absent of others, or even living it the "best" way -- as finite, broken human beings in our self-righteousness define "best." Really, what do we know about best? Life is so much better when lived in relationship with others -- loving them, serving them, and even being served by them -- and in relationship with the Servant King, the One who washed the feet of His betrayer, the One who spoke humility and forgiveness as He suffered the death of the cursed, the One who showed us all what is truly of eternal value.