Hope Deferred

What would it take for you to have hope?

We all have moments of uncertainty. The moment we are having has lasted more than a year so far, with no end in sight. It could emerge as the 'do-over," the second chance we have, on occasion fantasized about, or it could end in crushing disappointment and an unimaginably painful severance. "How will this all work out? Should we ___? Best not to plan too far ahead. Don't spend that money just yet. Don't make that promise until we are sure." This place in which we've been stalled tests our faith and our relationship. It changes the way we live and pray and plan. The things that frustrate and give Scott pause are not always the same things that frustrate and inhibit me; some days I am comfortable and cruising right along, while he is struggling, and vice versa. We are challenged with praying through our own fear and skepticism as well as understanding and interceding for each other's. There is not a facet of our lives that has not been tested or put on hold. The overall scheduling and paperwork can be daunting, and following our Monday through Friday routine is physically and mentally exhausting. Our fairly sizable home can seem cramped and cluttered pretty frequently. And, while it may not be the "how" it is definitely the "what" I always wanted! But, even this far into our journey, we still have no indication how all this will turn out. I have never encountered the unresolved and unknowable at such an intensity and for so great a period of time as I have in this season. And I am sure we are not alone.

Years ago I read a devotional written by a woman who had a miscarriage in her second trimester. Her child had died, and with him, the expectation and wonder of her very first pregnancy. Some time later, she believed she was pregnant again. They waited to do a pregnancy test. They waited to tell others. They waited to make any purchases. They waited to enjoy it. "Don't get your hopes up. Proceed slowly just in case." The depth of her reservedness reflected the depth of her grief. Her second pregnancy was overshadowed by uncertainty when it should have been crowned with joy. Months and months of holding her breath, were finally brought to an end by the first breath of a new life. But the joy and thankfulness of a second chance were lost until that very last moment.

Isaiah 43:18 says, "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old." Not that we shouldn't remember all that God has done for us, the times He has rescued us, or all He has rescued us from, but we should never dwell on those things, stay in the places He has called us out of. God is God of the new, of progression and redemption. God is always working to improve things and create beauty from ashes. The "do-overs" He grants us are opportunities for hope, not cause for trepidation. A second chance is not a time for us to tread lightly or fearfully. New experiences that may resemble former setbacks or suffering are experiences we need to confidently, expectantly embrace in Jesus' name as His redemptive work.

Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." Seems to be something any child can understand, huh? If the thing we hope for is delayed, we are sad, but when we get what we want we are joyful. But it's much more than that. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick..." If we choose worry over hope, if we would rather walk in fear instead of hope our heart will become sick, weak. A sick, weakened heart will eventually fail. "...but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." There is only one true Hope (1 Timothy 1:1), only one Inheritance of which we are guaranteed (1 Peter 1:3-6), and a single Desire of our heart that will never leave us disappointed or unfulfilled (2 Corinthians 4:17-18). Our Lord Jesus Christ is our immediate, eternal hope in which we can rest every moment of every day. He brings life and healing to the world. He redeems and makes new. Even when the "glorious unfolding" is long in coming. Even when it is one holding pattern after another. Even when the cold grey skies of Winter never seem to break to allow even a glimpse of the sun.

No matter how this chapter will end, we will have an ah-mazing testimony when we are finally able to speak (just one more frustrating "hold" this time has placed on our life). Until then, we will walk in the present and eternal hope of Jesus Christ, our heart's desire.