A Quiet Place of Grace

Early one morning, I found myself sitting in my truck alongside a dark, winding airport road. I'd called roadside service and received the usual song and dance about extremely high caller volume and abnormally long wait times. I didn't believe it. I've gotten a lot of use out of my membership through the years, and never waited more than an hour. So, at first, I sort of did nothing -- filed a rough fingernail, checked out the contents of my glove box, listened to the sounds of the road. But time went on, and I began to think, maybe there was something to this whole "abnormally long wait time" thing.

Why was I here? Why, just two miles down the road, were my coworkers doing something -- my work -- yet I was doing nothing? Why had I gotten dressed, out the door, wasted fuel, only to sit here? What would I do if I needed a bathroom? Questions I couldn't answer or, in the case of the last one, didn't want to think about. So, I began to pray. When I'm having trouble going to sleep some nights, I pray the alphabet. I begin with one friend or situation starting with "A", and keep on going, letter by letter, until I fall asleep. (If your name is Vivian or Zelda, I apologize; I rarely make it past "G".) This morning I made it all the way to "Z", and still no tow.

Every life, every season needs prayer, but this season of our life seems to require more than others. So, I began praying specifically for our situation, the folks directly affected in it, those we have met along the way, those who will be involved in the future, and so forth. When I got to some personal things, I asked that God would not allow others to see my failures and shortcomings, that they would not be dissuaded from following the Lord because of my screw-ups. "Hide my inadequacy that You might be better glorified and many would come to know You." God responded faster than that tow!

Through the darkness of my situation, above the chirp of crickets I heard the words of Paul:

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.'"  -- 2 Corinthians 12:9a

Had Paul prayed as I had? Was he asking God to remove his "thorn in the flesh" not that he might be more comfortable or carry on the ministry with more vigor, but that others might not see his weakness or deficiency and reject God because of it?

I know what it's like to live with hypocrisy. My children know what it's like to live with hypocrisy. And it can be devastating to the truth of the gospel. I'm sure Paul, as a former Pharisee, was extremely sensitive to pietism -- especially his own. I'm sure he would rather have lost a limb than known a soul was repulsed because of any perceived duplicity or incongruency on his part. What if Paul had a tendency to be persistent when the situation required a bit more compassion? What if Paul's patience was perceived by others as being "soft" on bad behavior -- tolerant even? Perhaps Paul was a bit of an over eater. Imagine how such a habit might have plagued him to the point of begging God to remove it -- for the sake of the gospel. But God said, "No."

It's not about me. Or my inadequacy. Or even my sin. It's about the grace of God revealed in our worst moments as well as our best. If others can see what a control freak I can be at times and know that Jesus loves me enough to put me in situations that are completely out of my control in order to make me more like Him -- who wouldn't want to follow a Savior like that?! If others know how arrogant I can be and witness God humbling me -- and hear testimony of how He continues to humble me -- that I might be the "me" He designed with a purpose -- who wouldn't want to know a God like that?

We may not like our fear of public speaking, or our ineptitude at providing comfort to the grieving, or our short tempers, or our impatience, or our propensity to procrastinate, or any of a multitude of things that discourage us in our ministry, but God is not finished with any one of us yet. He is sanctifying us as we daily relinquish control to Him. He is transforming us as we seek after Him moment by moment. He is speaking to us and teaching us as we pray and sit silently before Him. Along a dark, winding airport road if necessary.