When the Winds of Change Begin to Blow

Scott and I met in "the Autumn of life," so to speak. We'd both been married before. We had children and homes and jobs. And routines. We were in our forties and -- Ima jes' say it -- were set in our ways. The good thing? We were, for the most part, set in the same ways. We both liked things in order. We spent free time cleaning. (Judge if you must.) We both liked quiet and time to ourselves. We enjoyed long weekends antiquing, and B&Bs. This year we spent our tenth anniversary gardening and sprucing up, hanging out at home with the dogs and barbecuing. Heaven on earth.

Fast forward to this, November 2018. On some levels, we couldn't be more different. We suffered a few losses this summer, and handled them very differently. We've begun a new journey in life, and have very different ideas about how it should unfold or which routes we should take. There have been days, for the first time in our relationship, I've wondered if we would be celebrating a twentieth anniversary. Scott has changed. I have changed. Our circumstances have changed. But our promise to one another has not. And the God before whom we stood when we made that promise has not. He has been with us, guiding and encouraging; softening hearts and sending others to disciple and care for us. He will not ignore us if we call on Him (1 Peter 3:12); He will not abandon us in the midst of something to which He has called us (Phil. 1:6). And it is these truths that assure us we can do this.

Here are a few others:

STAY CALM! I don't have to, I can't, I won't think about our future in a way that stirs anxiety within me. Much of the future is waaaaay beyond my control anyway. Why respond with worry which is not only sinful, but only serves to exacerbate the details? "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 4:6-7)

STAY REAL! I do have to think about consequences -- potential or otherwise -- in a way that causes me to do all I can to bring about righteous results. Prudence is not anxiety; concern is not worry. I have to make right choices and actively, diligently seek God's will. "Who is the man that fears the Lord? Him shall He teach in the way He chooses." (Psalm 25:12)

STAY FOCUSED! I have to stay in God's Word, pray and trust Jesus for all I say, think and do. External resources are great -- the advice of a trusted friend, books rife with godly wisdom, marriage counseling; but Jesus is -- must be -- my focus. Always. "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." (Matthew 6:33)

STAY! I have to be present; to intentionally remember who this man is, his wonderfulness, his fears, his heart, who we are to one another, our friendship as well as our marriage, the respect I have for him -- and why. Issues are just that; differences are just that. The changes taking place in our life, the changes taking place in each of us do not change our responsibility toward one another. Emotionally giving up on our relationship (or my husband) is to give more weight to disjuncture and remove value from commitment. If I "check out," as I am tempted to do when we are unable to come to a resolution, I send a clear message to my husband I no longer respect him and I have ceased to care. "Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy -- meditate on these things." (Phil. 4:8)

So, this Autumn has been particularly blustery. The winds of change have blown through and about our lives. We can choose to be tossed about by them, or shore up our home against them and prepare for the next ten years!