My husband is the spender; I am the saver. Only by God's grace (and because Scott is a much more gracious human being than I) does that work. About a year and a half ago, I had reached my limit. I was exhausted with all the couponing, bargain hunting, slashing and cutting expenses any way I could, going without, walking places to save fuel, nagging Scott about the rising cost of cigarettes, nagging God about Scott's refusal to quit smoking, saying "no" every time he wanted to order out -- like I don't have enough to do! Something had to give; I cried out to the Lord.
Things started happening. Radio broadcasts, sermons, devotionals, discussions with friends -- at every turn God was talking to me about choosing the better thing, real treasure, His provision for even the least of His creatures. And He began showing me things He wanted to change -- in me. I saw the foolishness of struggling to change others. He showed me our finances were only a small portion of all He had given me to steward. What about our marriage? How was I being a good steward of my time with our children? Was I being a good steward of my health?
God wants me to enjoy every blessing He has given me; He wants me to live in every moment He has ordered for me. By being so anxious and worried over every dime we spent, I was alienating my family. By obsessing over the ways Scott was spending money -- something I cannot change -- I was becoming frustrated and resentful toward my husband. By agonizing over bills, I was not allowing God to provide, or trusting that He would, or sitting back and appreciating the ways He had! All that stressing and striving was terrible for my health and my relationships, and it was taking time and energy from the things I needed to be doing.
First thing, I apologized to God. Then I apologized to my husband. Then I asked God to help me prioritize.
My family is important, and spending time with them is as well -- just as important as keeping a roof over our heads or putting food on the table. We could lose our home if we don't treat our mortgage seriously, right? Why did I think the same couldn't happen if I didn't take my family's interests seriously? Besides, sometimes a girl needs a hot, delicious meal she hasn't cooked! And our friends and extended family, who care for us and want to see us on occasion? Hadn't God provided for us to visit their homes once in a while? Who made me the money police anyway?! I was so tired of always having to be the bad guy! (Here's a tremendous benefit to following the Lord and seeking His will: I DON'T EVER HAVE TO BE THE BAD GUY AGAIN!!!! EVER!!! IF I seek the Lord first, whatever happens, whatever I do and say, is all orchestrated and protected by Him, for His glory!)
So, after all that, what happened? God changed me. And then, God changed what was going on around me. Scott has been a non-smoker for one whole year! Cha-ching! Scott also revamped his business and cut out huge expenditures -- expenditures that, two years ago, were making me nuts! I LOVE going out to dinner with friends and family, and picking up the tab -- not because we are generous like that, but because God is! Over the past year, we have paid bills in advance, traveled more, given more, and smile a whoooole lot more. I can't tell you the last time a stressed over paying a bill -- and trust me, they haven't stopped coming.
I'm not talking about a recklessness with money. I'm talking about a real enjoyment of all the things God has given us. We are not putting ourselves in debt -- in fact, we are paying down debt we incurred when I was being so crazy trying to avoid it! I'm talking about balance, priorities and giving the Lord all we have: leisure as well as business, income and expenditures.
Stewardship is using all He has given for His glory as He directs! And it is freeing!
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