Tell Me Again Why I'm Supposed to Be So Angry

I'm supposed to be angry that I've been left to raise this child all on my own.

I'm supposed to be angry that my husband enjoys having his meals prepared and his lunch packed each day.

I'm supposed to be angry that I cannot kill our child.

I'm supposed to be angry I cannot pastor a church.

I'm supposed to be angry most men are stronger than I am.

I'm supposed to be angry our culture once required gentlemen to open doors for ladies.

I'm supposed to be angry I am a biological woman (as though there is any other kind).

I was standing in the checkout line at the market the other morning. I spotted the cashier at the register next to me wiping down her empty belt. I gathered our youngest and moved toward her line. Simultaneously, a man and his small son were moving from their place at another register toward the same goal. He moved in a split second before me.

Did you see that, Son? I beat her to it! I had to put my back into it, but I bested her!

I was dumbfounded --not to mention biting my tongue almost unto complete severance. Are you serious with this right now? I thought. What a cretin! And this is the legacy you are building for your little boy? As time passed, I mulled it over. You know, we've done this to ourselves, I thought. And in many ways. it's true. 

Our western culture tells us we should be entitled to all the rights and privileges of our male counterparts. Our western culture even tells us we can go so far as to be men. Our western culture says we are oppressed by men, by our systems. Our western culture started this lie a long time ago: You can have it all! No one can have it all. Not men, not women, not children --no one. But somehow, we've looked into the next pasture, saw grass we perceived to be greener than our own, and stuck our heads through the fence. In some cases, we've rallied to tear down the fence and take the pasture by force, trampling the beautiful lea we'd been given as well as those who were quite content grazing there. We've screamed at and abused our own kind, telling them that by cheerfully serving their families, by baking pies or gardening or working for charities or volunteering at our schools they were holding us back. We've demanded men not hold doors or treat us gently. We've worn ridiculous hats and demanded we have the right to curse and kill. We've taught our daughters that being a mother is a lowly, terrible, "less than" sort of occupation, and no worse fate can befall a woman but that she honors her husband. We've tried to take what real men once liberally gave --deference, kindness, protection, provision, leadership. We have failed and we have suffered the consequences along with our children. If I am angry about anything, I am angry about that.

I want the love and support of my husband. I want to be an active part of the lives of our children. I want to help those inside and outside of our home. I want to go to morning Bible studies. I want to raise a next generation of godly men and women --or help in raising the generation after them. I want to welcome my husband home with a hot meal or send him off in the morning with a little note in his lunch. I want him to open the pickle jar for me or carry the laundry basket up from the basement or hang those shelves in my office. And I am okay with not only knowing I can do those things myself but keeping quiet and allowing my husband to do it for me. I want him to give me that special place of honor because he wants to give it, not because I have demanded it. And the same is true of our society: I want to be treated properly because society has been taught it is right to do so, not because I have foolishly, impulsively, recklessly threatened to burn it down. 

It's not the crocheting that makes us women any more than shattering glass ceilings; but it is following the design of our Creator despite the pressures and presumptions of our fallen culture. Being a biblical woman may be hard in a cursed world, but being a biblical woman is a tremendous privilege. And it just might be our cursed world that makes it so. Difficulty draws us closer to the only One who truly has control over our situations. Difficulty can be the impetus to teamwork and a strong support network. Difficulty can teach us so many lessons. Difficulty and the way we navigate it can be a light to those who have believed the lie they can have it all, who are seething with anger or confused by their roles. Being a woman according to God's design in a world that is broken and wicked and cursed and disillusioned and angry can be liberating in the truest, most joyous sense of the word.