2 for Flinching

As kids we played a game called "2 for Flinching." In this highly technical, well thought out game, one judicious individual would fake a punch at another equally judicious individual. If the imperiled subject flinched, the aggressor was entitled to punch them (for real this time) twice, hence, 2 for Flinching. I'm not certain it was an intended outcome --I'm certain it wasn't a thoroughly advisable one, but eventually, one would become conditioned not to flinch despite the threat of an approaching fist. Oddly enough, the memory of playing this game came back to me during my morning devotions. The season we are in right now, particularly, caring for my mom leaves both my husband and I frustrated, exhausted, and wrestling with lots of questions. What caused this? Why has God allowed this to go on much longer than anyone anticipated? How can I be a better person because of this? 

Personally, I have struggled with anger as long as I can remember. Triggers give rise to feelings that have, from time to time, resulted in ungodly behavior. I've prayed regularly about it; I've read the verses, memorized a few of them, and by no means discount their truth and God's power, but I am far from free of the struggle. As a matter of fact, that's what I was once again bringing before the Lord: my anger. Which, by the way, I have got to stop saying; my anger indicates ownership. I don't want it and as a redeemed child of God, it is not a part of my new nature. So, I was bringing this anger thing before the Lord when He reminded me, the things that tend to set me off are not necessarily attacks or punches, if you will, but experiences intended to condition me to keep me from reacting in a way that displeases God, disrespects others, and damages my testimony; these experiences will condition me to be a better person so long as I keep going through them. He also reminded me that He has already done a tremendous work in me: reactions I allowed years ago, I would never consider today, and things that provoked me years ago barely raise an eyebrow today.  2 for Flinching.

Proverbs 24:16 says, The righteous may fall seven times but still get up, but the wicked will stumble into trouble. Am I righteous? Yes, I am. Not by my own righteousness, but I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. That means that I will stumble, but I will get back up; I will continue to confess my sin, ask God's forgiveness, pray for His grace, and study His Word that I might fill my heart and mind with truth. I will trust that in His time, in His way, and by His Holy Spirit my actions will more consistently and more accurately reflect what is in my heart: the desire to love and serve God by loving and serving others. I will not allow anger to go unaddressed and I will not throw my hands up in defeat. I will put on the belt of truth and wait on the Lord. I will continue to engage, embrace what God sends my way, keep my eyes on Him, even fail again and again. And I will wait to one day be conditioned not to flinch at all.