Anger and a Hardened Heart

My five-year old daughter was sitting on the floor. It was the night before Thanksgiving. Work was gearing up for the busiest time of the year. I was heading in for my last quiet shift before the crazy. My son was at Mom's, helping to prepare the meal she'd serve on her fine china the following day.

"I won't be there," I heard the voice say.

"What do you mean?" I asked. "Christine is dressed for bed, playing with her dolls on the floor!"

"Yeah, you'll have to take her to your mom's."

"My mom is not my sitter, she hasn't been feeling well, she's cooking Thanksgiving dinner and she's got Steven there already! It's getting late, and I'm supposed to drag this child out and just dump her off on my mom's doorstep? You were supposed to be here thirty minutes ago. I'm going to be late for work!"

"I won't be there." And the voice was gone.

I was right. My anger was just. My intense desire to strangle someone was wrong.

People don't always do what we expect or what we'd like. Sometimes people are just downright spiteful and mean. Sometimes people betray our trust in ways they can never repair. Sometimes people take things from us they can never replace. Sometimes people hurt those we love.  But, we aren't responsible for them; we are responsible for us.

I mastered in The Art of Sarcasm. My tongue has eviscerated people over the years -- not to mention gotten me into trouble a time or two. I have made bad situations worse and I have annihilated relationships. Until, one day, a pastor said to me, "You know, sarcasm is just another form of anger." I can't say I ran to the Scriptures or repented right there -- no doubt I gave him some snarky answer -- but, praise God, it stuck with me. The idea of being an angry Christian kept gnawing at me. Eventually, I did a couple of studies on anger and, once again, no instantaneous transformation; but I am being changed by the Holy Spirit and the Word of God.

Ephesians 4:26, cautions us against sin that results from anger. In this world we have difficulties and, by extension, difficult people. People can really be hateful toward one another. But, as Christians, that is not who we are. That is not who we have to be.

But, if we don't come right back at them, we become doormats. We're supposed to let everyone just walk all over us?! Not what I said. My anger kept people away, that's for sure; but locks keep honest people out. Kind people, loving people respected the walls I'd set up. They'd try to minister to my soul -- and a part of me wanted them to, I needed them to -- but eventually, they'd stop calling, stop trying to scale those ever-thickening walls. The users and thieves just kept coming. And, in reality, I don't care how big and bad you are, there is always someone bigger and badder. There was always something or someone to test me.

So what are we supposed to do? Trust God. First of all, if you think God has no idea what's going on, you don't know God. Secondly, if you don't think God is able to deliver you from a situation, you don't know God. Explore the Scriptures and find out who God is. The Bible is not just a book of old stories or rules to strive toward obeying; the Bible reveals who God is that we might serve Him with our whole hearts, and that we might be assured of what He can and will do. We are not to worry because, God. We are not to fight because, God. We can pray for those who hurt us because, God. We do not sin when we are tempted because, God. To put it another way, IF Almighty God is my provider, IF Almighty God is my protector, IF Almighty God is my defender, IF Almighty God is my deliverer -- why am I still in turmoil because someone damaged my car? God will take care of me. Why am I terrified because someone threatens my life? God has my days numbered. Why do I care about someone who is trying to ruin my reputation? My successes and failures lie in God's hands. Why am I infuriated by someone who wants to constantly keep me on the ropes? God will get His glory from that situation if I yield to Him and He will deliver me from it in His time. AND I WILL BE BLESSED!!

I remember that Thanksgiving Eve as if it was yesterday. It broke my heart for my children. It hurt to find this person would not only make things so difficult for me, but would have so little regard for my children or my mother. And I was absolutely right to be angry, but what haunts me today is my sin. I didn't strangle him, but I certainly blasted into him, making a bad situation worse. I spoke of it in front of my children, putting them in a terrible position and hurting them more than anyone else had. I held it against this person for years, and regurgitated the details more than once. When, instead, I could have prayed for my children, for wisdom, for my busy Mom, for him. Praise God, I can today.