"Your children are the greatest gift God will give to you, and their souls the heaviest responsibility He will place in your hands. Take time with them, teach them to have faith in God. Be a person in whom they can have faith. When you are old, nothing else you've done will have mattered as much."What do you think when you read those words? If your children are grown, perhaps you are basking in the light of a job well done; perhaps you are tallying all your mistakes and regrets. If you have children at home, you might be compiling a list of things to change about the way you parent right now; perhaps your heart ponders the sentiment, swelling with love for the souls in your care. Wherever you are in your parenting (or nannying, or grandparenting, or mentoring) role, perspective is so important.
Who better to learn from than Mary, the mother of Jesus? What an amazing woman of faith! What an icon of spirituality! What a flawed and immature human being. We first meet Mary, a young woman -- some say as young as thirteen -- living a quiet life, engaged to a man most believe to be considerably older. Suddenly, an angel appears; she responds with unimaginable affirmation, speaks ten of the most beautiful verses recorded in Scripture, and months later, she delivers the Savior of the world! Talk about your meteoric rise from anonymity! And pressure? Who can imagine what she felt, trying to keep the Messiah safe from colds and broken teeth. Had she taught Him enough about stranger danger? Was He getting enough protein in His diet?
Perspective. It seemed to be God's plan for Jesus to be raised by average, imperfect people who didn't always get it right -- as children of God or as parents -- in a typical home with a roof that may have leaked on occasion.
Twelve years after Jesus' birth, the family had taken the annual trip to Jerusalem for Passover (Luke 2:40-52). As they were traveling home, Joseph and Mary discovered Jesus was not in the caravan. They returned to the city, and found Him three days later, in the synagogue. Upon finding Him, Mary scolded, "Why did You do this to us?!" But, this twelve-year old boy with an interest in His Father's business had done nothing to them. He had not spitefully or maliciously strayed from them. None of this was about her! And neither is/ was the care of our own children. When we have the right perspective -- that we are serving God, raising souls He has placed in our care, privileged to watch as God works in their lives -- it becomes abundantly clear it is not about us.
Years later, a wedding in Cana (John 2:1-11). The wine had run out. For whatever reason, Mary had taken it upon herself to make it her problem. And, by extension, Jesus' problem. How often do we as parents take on more responsibility than we should, filling our calendars with ways to serve at church or on the PTO, and our children get caught up in the crossfire? They need help with a week old assignment due tomorrow, and we snap. A teachable moment, and we lose our cool -- not because it warrants that sort of response, but because we've strayed from our lane, bearing burdens that were never ours to bear, and our children have come to us with theirs. We've lost our perspective. Our responsibility to them has taken a back seat to our desire to "get involved" (with things we, maybe, were never led to be involved with in the first place).
The three-year long ministry of Jesus didn't stop Mary's involvement in her son's life. In Mark 3, we read that Jesus was having some trouble with, not only the religious factions of His day, but His own kinsmen. They thought He was nuts! Mary and Jesus' brothers are included in the scene a few verses later. Did she, too, think He was crazy? Was she present to take Him away to roam the cemeteries like the rest of the possessed or mentally ill? Or was she there to see no harm would come to Him, to whisk Him away to a place safe from negative public opinion or the consequences of being some sort of heretic? As parents we want our children to live in a spotless environment, go to the best schools, meet the right person, choose the best careers. As parents we see the perils of this world lying in wait to derail our children from the plans we have for them. But are they God's plans? Looking back on my own youth, I see just how messed up my childhood was. My parents failed -- they were supposed to; they are human. But God integrates every single foible, every hiccup into His plan, makes it a part of who we are and how our story brings Him glory -- no matter what we perceive as right, or just, or appropriate.
Read the words above again, this time with perspective. We bear a heavy responsibility as parents. But that responsibility was a part of God's plan for a very long time; He is not ignorant of its dynamics. And it comes with grace -- His grace. And lots and lots of it!
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