Midweek: On Great Waters

Those who go down to the sea in ships,
Who do business on great waters,
They see the works of the Lord,
And His wonders in the deep.

~ Psalm 103:23, 24

The privilege to see --perhaps even, the ability to see my Savior at work, comes with being in peril.

Does that sound radical to you? a little crazy? It might just be but read The Beatitudes some time. They turn the customs and tenets of this world completely on their head. Likewise, the truth that trouble when placed in the hand of a faithful and sovereign Deliverer is a blessing, a gift, a privilege.

How can we see the Great Physician at work if we or our loved ones are never ill? How can we learn to pray mighty prayers if we are given no reason to do so? How do we learn to be grateful in every circumstance if, in every situation we encounter, gratitude is a natural reaction? How do we see the depth of God's provision if we believe our sustenance comes from any other source? How does our faith increase if we never experience the unknown? How do we learn to suffer well if we never suffer at all? How do we grieve with hope if we never have cause to grieve?

We endure these things --not as victims, for we are more than conquerors! And as we endure, we are witnesses. We see firsthand what others throughout history --biblical history included --have seen. We gain a front row seat to the character of God, to His power, to His will being done --despite the ugliest of circumstances --on earth as it is in heaven. As those who venture out onto the deep, with little to buffer us but a flesh and bone vessel which is itself wind-whipped and wave-driven, we bear witness to the perfecting activity of our Father and Creator in all exploits --terrifying and terrific --for His glory and our good.

Thanks be to God whose love can never be separated from His people! 

You Can't Control It and You Shouldn't Try

Retirement has not been what I expected. It has been busier and livelier without my industry than I ever anticipated. As a result, I don't have time to explore those questions from Scripture that have picked at me so. One such question is with regard to Noah and Abraham. Both were forewarned of an impending doom; Noah, the entire earth, and Abraham, two cities. Abraham went to bat for those cities, pleading with God that, if there were to be found ten righteous men, God would not destroy them. Noah did; according to all that God commanded him, so he did. That's what Scripture says. No pleading, no bargaining; Noah obeyed without, so it seems, putting forth any effort to stop the course of God's judgment. Why the difference? And what does that teach us? As I said, I've not had opportunity to really examine either of the accounts with answers to those questions in mind, but I can tell you what I've been learning.

Sometimes, human beings can stay in grief. Sometimes, human beings can choose to fixate on the sickness. Sometimes human beings can lock eyes with whatever disaster has befallen them and remain there. None of that is good. But, in my humble opinion, the greatest victory one can hand the enemy is believing we possess some sort of control over outcomes. While adversity comes upon us, upending our lives for a time and, in some cases, causing us to never realize the good God wishes to work in and through us, the need for control paralyzes us even before the trouble comes. It leaves us exactly where we are, unwilling to let go long enough to learn or do anything. I can't let my adult children fail. I can't bear to see the shelter close. I can't lose my mom. I can't let someone else have the position I've worked to get. I can't allow the bill to go unpaid. But what if you could? What if you did?

Noah said, Okay, and grabbed a hammer. And, while Abraham chose more preventive means, his bottom line was, If this condition does not exist, Thy will be done. Even the Apostle Paul, suffering from "a thorn in his side," prayed three times for God to remove it; when his request was denied, he moved on. So be it. 

So many things go wrong without warning, and what do we do? Go through it. When trouble descends suddenly, we trust God. We fall on our faces, call our prayer warriors, fast, open our Bibles; we supercharge our spiritual lives. But what of those troubles that creep? Like an approaching storm, we see them coming, and we begin our work. We manipulate, reschedule, and solicit information from every corner of the internet. We take a job we weren't told to take, babysit an adult we should surrender to prayer, worry and exchange our joy for some version of disciplined religiosity that will help us curry favor with the God who controls everything. We say and do anything to keep alive an entity or relationship God wants gone (at least for a time). Perhaps the greatest gift God can give us is the blindsided nature of tragedy; perhaps the greatest test is the subtle creeping in of difficulty. Will we allow God to do what it is He is wanting to do? Will we allow God to be God, and still worship Him anyway? Will we surrender our agenda that God might bring triumph from tragedy? Are we willing to step aside and cede the control we never had for the glory God wishes to give?

Photo Courtesy Rich Harmon

Tough Love

A friend of mine was just telling me about a terrible situation with her adult child. It escalated, and the police were called. My friend refused to allow this adult child back into the home --at least, for that night. Before leaving, an officer confronted my friend, dropping on her a steaming pile of condemnation. A difficult decision was made more difficult by the judgment of an outsider. And, while I concede there may have been experiential knowledge he attempted to share, it came out in the form of reproach. So, today I want to encourage those who are wrestling with, praying about, agonizing over the life of a reprobate adult child. Don't follow your heart, don't spend days pouring over parenting books or YouTube videos. Simply, "Love your neighbor as yourself." 

"Don't we show ourselves tough love from time to time? Don't we give ourselves a good talking to?" my friend asked as she continued. "Why do people think we are wrong if we do that with our adult children?" She is absolutely right. We love ourselves in a way that demonstrates self-care and self-discipline. We know there is danger in allowing ourselves to act exclusively for comfort or convenience. We establish boundaries, particularly in areas where we have struggled with addiction. We know being undisciplined is not good for us or anyone we are commissioned to serve. Tough self-love benefits others as well. But when it comes to our children...? "Love your neighbor as yourself." If you wouldn't allow yourself to act that way in your home, why are we allowing other adults --adults who refuse to moderate their behavior out of respect for others --why are we allowing these adults to do that?

We set boundaries for a four-year old. No, you may not have another cookie before dinner. We set boundaries for our thirteen-year old. That's enough screen time for today. Why are we so reluctant to do that with our twenty-year old? Our thirty-year old? Do we love them less? I certainly hope that's not the case! Maybe we just fear them more. As our children age, they become more autonomous, less easy to control. If our four-year old objects to our decision, he stomps off in a huff. Moments later, he comes back with a broken toy in hand. Daddy, can you fix this? A thirteen-year old slams the door of her room and pops in her earbuds, losing her frustration in music. Two hours later, she appears ready to apologize and put her laundry away as instructed. But our adult child? He has bigger consequences should he continue to live his life in this manner. What if he kills someone with his drinking and driving? What if she overdoses? What if he gets caught? Are we that afraid of consequences, we refuse to love? Are we so inclined to control, we forego selflessness? Are we so earthly-minded, we cannot trust God to work in that child's life as He plans? 

Maybe it has less to do with God's work in our child and more to do with the work we have invested in our child. What if she tells people we asked her to leave? What if people find out we gave him an ultimatum? Far be it for anyone to think all of our hard work failed, that our child chose her own way against our principles. Maintain the Everything's okay facade even if it means intolerable conditions within our home and the enabling of our child. Maybe we've convinced ourselves we are that essential to our child's salvation. If she goes to live with her boyfriend, she'll never hear the Gospel. Maybe we're too afraid of the unknown. If he never comes back, I won't know if he's dead or alive. Control through indulgence rather than love with boundaries.

Whatever the reason, we have to be willing to love our neighbor --our adult children, God's children --as ourselves. And this is where it gets back to showing ourselves some tough love. Asking ourselves some questions with some very difficult answers. How is this benefitting them? Or, let's be honest, is this more about benefitting ourselves? What is this doing for those who are watching? What does this say about the God we trust? How does this glorify Him? Do we spend more time praying for them, or centering our thoughts, our plans, our activities around them --maybe even cleaning up after them or bailing them out of their consequences?

And for those who feel compelled to judge parents attempting to lovingly discipline adult children, kindly keep your opinions to yourselves or provide biblical support. Sorry to be so tough.

Photo courtesy Steven Ganski, Jr.

Midweek: Sad But Not Deceived

In Matthew 19:16-22, Jesus is approached by a young man of great wealth. Maybe you know the story. The young man calls Jesus "Good Teacher." Matthew's account, unlike the others in Mark and Luke, seems to place our focus on the "good" thing. "What good thing must I do that I may have eternal life?" Performance, right? My end goal is to be good. Perhaps that is how such a young man acquired his riches. Maybe, from a father who taught him the value of a hard day's work, of being the best and most fruitful. Nevertheless, Jesus questions this prosperous young man's use of the word "good," and proceeds to break it down for him. It's more than checking off boxes, following the letter of the Law. The Law was given to show you where you lack. You must have enough compassion for others, selflessness and humility in your obedience to God, disregard for your own ambitions and your own way, and longing for the eternal, that you are willing to give everything to follow Me. (paraphrase mine) Charles Gore, in his book, The Sermon on the Mount, says the poverty to which Jesus called this young man is a call to detachment. Each Gospel writer, in his account, tells us plainly, the young man went away sad at hearing this because he had many possessions. He turned his back on the Salvation of God because his way of living, his treasure was where his heart was. What no Gospel writer says is that Jesus, feeling so hurt by the young man's rejection, ran after him to pull him back. What no Gospel writer says is that Jesus, so in love with this young man, changed the rules so he could have eternal life. What no Gospel writer says is that Jesus is more interested in happy followers than obedient followers.

Our society puts such value on happy. We love inclusion. We want peace at any cost and pale at the thought of offending someone. Jesus wanted this young man, and every person who overheard this exchange, and every person throughout history who reads these words, to be sad, if necessary, but not deceived. Happiness is no more the end goal than good works and being good. Inclusion is no more the end goal than performance. Peace is no more the end goal than the letter of the Law. Jesus, Jesus is the end goal, following Him alone in full obedience and to completion. 

Does Jesus want joyful people? Certainly. Does He want inclusion? It is not His desire that any should perish. Does He want peace? He is the Prince of Peace. But never at the cost of truth. To seek those things first is to sacrifice Truth for something less than. Jesus is the Truth, and He will not withhold His character to spare someone's feelings. He is the only Way, and He will not provide another for the sake of convenience. Jesus is the Divine Judge, appointed by the Father, and will not spare anyone the truth just to keep the peace. To allow someone to be deceived is not mercy or righteousness. It does not signal to everyone you are acting in that person's best interest. To stand quietly as someone walks away sad, excluded, or outraged but knowing truth, is an act of perfect love.