Be Kind

I looked at the pictures over and over. What on earth is going on with my teeth?? Is that lettuce? BBQ? What is wrong with my teeth?! I still don't know, to be honest, but the question Why do you care? made me pause. Am I really that vain? We place a lot of value on appearances, don't we? I mean, maybe I am just a bit concerned over something being medically wrong. You've heard the story of someone being diagnosed with a terrible disease just by a photo posted on social media, right? Could this be...? Okay, now I'm being ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with my teeth.

Maybe.

I don't think.

Anywho, we've got this child. He's a great child. A terrific child. But it breaks my heart that so many parts of him were once left exposed and mistreated. You can't really tell just by looking at him. And even if you sat down and talked with him for a bit, I'm not sure if you would be able to tell. As a matter of fact, if he liked you, he might just come right out and tell you. He's still working on the discernment thing. If he didn't like you, you would probably, judging by the reaction you might get, decide he was a smart-mouthed, too-big-for-his-britches urchin who needed some discipline. But you'd be wrong.

You see, that's the thing about childhood trauma: it causes the parts that are supposed to develop during that time to sort of freeze --fight, flight, or freeze, right? --and it forces those parts of a child that should not yet (or sometimes ever) be developed in order to protect the vulnerable parts. So, our child can be cuddled up on my lap with the softest stuffed animal, appearing far younger than his age; or our child can be fighting and swearing and smug as a UFC champ. Our child can be likeable and tender and even juvenile, or our child can be vile and polarizing. And, as a mother, that concerns me. People will judge him. People who don't understand will be hard on him. People will not accept him. And I understand that. But whatever the moment, it is just a snapshot. Like all of us, our child has "multiple selves." (Be honest, is the "self" that goes to work the same "self" that kicks back in your favorite jammies bingeing on The First 48 and eating takeout?) Our child is no different, really; it's just that, because of past trauma, his "selves" are much more distant and more delayed in their coming together as one soul. It's sort of like seeing things through a View Master. Remember those? Two copies of the same image brought into focus that a singular three-dimensional image might be produced. His soul is still being brought into focus. And of course, we are doing all we can to facilitate that. His soul will be brought into focus, but there is navigating "the meantime."

I say all of this not to distract your attention from whatever is going on with my teeth, but to draw your attention to Paul's words in Ephesians 4:32:

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

This world is hard. Simple attributes like kindness and gentleness are at a premium. Especially when it comes to the way we treat the most vulnerable among us. And I'm not talking about all those grown folks that want to be victims, attaching themselves to labels and social media hashtags. But our babies, our children, our elderly, and yes, our women. Kindness brings the best of ourselves into focus. Kindness integrates those parts of us that are both sensitive and strong, creating a world where strength is found in the way we relate to one another and sensitivity is free to allow those relationships to exist. Kindness makes us all better and enables us all to thrive. Kindness is not some fragile, childish ideal, but it is power to love and the manifestation of God's Holy Spirit in a hard and unkind world.