The Look of Love

There's an old Dusty Springfield song, The Look of Love. The gist of it is that this man (presumably) has been waiting for this woman for so long and is celebrating the "look of love" he now sees on her face, the look her "heart cannot disguise." She cannot hide her feelings from him: her look is a dead giveaway. 

Last week, I was listening as another mom expressed concern for one of her children. This child, a believer, had confessed, "Mom, I feel so empty." As a Christian, the child knows he/she is not where they need to be. But this mom has the true look of love. She can see what her child can be; she can visualize the levels to which her child can aspire and the life he/she can have. The vision this mom has for this young adult supersedes anything Dusty Springfield could have etched in vinyl: it is the vision of a loving, faithful parent for her child, seeing all that child was created to be.

As this woman spoke, I began to think about the love our Heavenly Father has for each one of His children. Growing up, I received the message that God was an angry, white-haired old figure, sitting on His throne and waiting for me to screw up. As I grew into that model for myself, I became that "screw-up" and reasoned, "How on earth could He not be done with me by now?" I almost completely believed He'd washed His hands of me at that point. But, by God's grace, deep inside remained the hope that I could still become the person He expected me to be. Now, that's not really the case: I can't "become" holy as He is holy or self-controlled, as it is the Holy Spirit in me who is self-controlled; and God doesn't expect anything of me He is unwilling to transform and equip me to do. However, there is a person He longs for me to submit and abide and love and learn and persevere into being, and He patiently, graciously calls me to her. Like a child growing into the adult his/her parent can envision them being. Mom or Dad isn't going to threaten, punish, or scare that child into being kind and gentle, for instance. Yes, there may be consequences or privileges revoked, there may be hard lessons, but a loving, powerfully prayerful parent is committed to creating an environment in which that child has everything needed to grow. That parent holds fast to that vision, sees that vision each time they look at their child, and does everything in their power to facilitate that vision. Even well into their child's adult years. If we, as finite, self-centered parents, with our own baggage to sort out and our own failures to process --if we can want this so desperately for our children, what does God want for His? What is His vision for each of us? What do His eyes behold for the endgame of our lives? 

Now, the specifics are surely different for each of us, but I believe we only have to look at the world in which He has placed us, the world in which His feelings for us are written all over the sunsets and waterfalls and leas and landscapes. He created this world first, as a perfectly designed environment for us to have a relationship with Him, as the backdrop for this tableau He desires to write with each of our lives. And we know we are empty without Him. We know our efforts are futile unless we follow the wisdom of His Word. So, still He has mercy on each of His children, calling them, drawing them to Himself, encouraging them into the vision He has for us. Trust Me and stay close to Me. I will not fail you. He has a glorious future planned for each of us in His presence. He doesn't hide how He feels about us. It is the look of His love, seeing ourselves as the valued and dearly loved children of the Most High God that will propel us into the vision He has for us. That is the look of His perfect love. 

Midweek: Fighting Fraud

Each week I visit a local food pantry: we could use the help, and we share with another group of people. Even if we are able to gather a few staples, we are grateful; and more than once, we've actually gotten an entire meal courtesy of this local church's benevolence! As I was leaving the pantry the other morning, a volunteer handed me a copy of a New York Times article (July 17, 2022) entitled, What Should Be Done When Food Donations Go to Those Who Don't Need Them? A reader, a Times volunteer at a food redistribution charity, posed the question, What is the ethical responsibility of the charitable organizations who are distributing these donations to ensure that those who truly need the food are those who receive it? An interesting question for sure. 

Over the years I have served in various programs to help those in need. Food redistribution charities or "pantries" as many churches label them, hot meals free of charge, clothing giveaways, and "free stores." I have recoiled when asked to carry bags of free groceries out to someone's brand new, fully loaded SUV. I have bitten my lip when a beneficiary complained we did not provide organic meat. I raged inwardly when an entire case of fresh sweet potatoes generously donated from a local farm was handed back to me with the explanation, "Oh, no one will want these because they're misshapen --not like the ones in the grocery store." Let me just say, I have eaten my share of relish sandwiches. I stood in my backyard one day and prayed for meat --real meat for my children. I would have been thrilled to receive ugly sweet potatoes or grocery store brand chicken! (SIDENOTE: Within an hour of my prayer, my neighbor knocked on the door with half a case of chicken her brother had given her. God is GOOD!) The lack of gratitude, the attitude of entitlement irked me to the point I wanted to quit; but hearing my husband express the same feelings of frustration, brought enlightenment as I searched for a way to encourage his compassion. Two things came to mind:

When I was dirt floor poor, I had a beautiful two-year old SUV. When I was saving my change just to get a slice of pizza once a week as a treat, I was wearing designer clothes. When I walked as much as I could to save money on fuel, I smiled and gave no one a clue about my need. A very sudden family situation had burdened me with legal fees, travel expenses, and no financial help other than my painfully str-e-e-e-e-etched paycheck. To outsiders, it didn't appear my mortgage company was preparing for foreclosure.

Secondly, every person on earth is in need: the lack of food or clothing can be an outward manifestation of that need. Sometimes, the hoarding of goods, the abuse of charitable programs, and the consequential lack of provisions available to those who are truly in need, is the outward manifestation. Like the alcoholic or compulsive shopper that escapes their poverty (emotional, spiritual, or otherwise) by misusing some other source of entertainment or provision, those who misappropriate the generosity of others long to compensate for the things they lack. Perhaps, they believe that by denying those who really need the services and products of charities, they are eliminating what they perceive to be competition in a very harsh, scary world. Perhaps it is greed, plain and simple. Whatever the mindset, we all need Jesus --to save us initially (justification), to save us daily (sanctification), and to save us future (resurrection). 

The dispensation of charity, I believe, should be met with lots of prayer and compassion. And I don't say that tritely. Pray for the ministry and God's direction for it. Pray for those who might be taking advantage to be convicted and have their true need met. Pray for those genuinely impoverished, that they would not only receive sustenance for their bodies, but the Bread of Life as well. Pray God would give you spiritual eyes to see and focus on the greater need, not outward circumstances. Pray God would give you the compassion of one who understands needs of which even "the needy" may not be aware. Pray that as you cheerfully hand them some peanut butter and rice, you are providing them with that which will last them through eternity.

Be Kind

I looked at the pictures over and over. What on earth is going on with my teeth?? Is that lettuce? BBQ? What is wrong with my teeth?! I still don't know, to be honest, but the question Why do you care? made me pause. Am I really that vain? We place a lot of value on appearances, don't we? I mean, maybe I am just a bit concerned over something being medically wrong. You've heard the story of someone being diagnosed with a terrible disease just by a photo posted on social media, right? Could this be...? Okay, now I'm being ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with my teeth.

Maybe.

I don't think.

Anywho, we've got this child. He's a great child. A terrific child. But it breaks my heart that so many parts of him were once left exposed and mistreated. You can't really tell just by looking at him. And even if you sat down and talked with him for a bit, I'm not sure if you would be able to tell. As a matter of fact, if he liked you, he might just come right out and tell you. He's still working on the discernment thing. If he didn't like you, you would probably, judging by the reaction you might get, decide he was a smart-mouthed, too-big-for-his-britches urchin who needed some discipline. But you'd be wrong.

You see, that's the thing about childhood trauma: it causes the parts that are supposed to develop during that time to sort of freeze --fight, flight, or freeze, right? --and it forces those parts of a child that should not yet (or sometimes ever) be developed in order to protect the vulnerable parts. So, our child can be cuddled up on my lap with the softest stuffed animal, appearing far younger than his age; or our child can be fighting and swearing and smug as a UFC champ. Our child can be likeable and tender and even juvenile, or our child can be vile and polarizing. And, as a mother, that concerns me. People will judge him. People who don't understand will be hard on him. People will not accept him. And I understand that. But whatever the moment, it is just a snapshot. Like all of us, our child has "multiple selves." (Be honest, is the "self" that goes to work the same "self" that kicks back in your favorite jammies bingeing on The First 48 and eating takeout?) Our child is no different, really; it's just that, because of past trauma, his "selves" are much more distant and more delayed in their coming together as one soul. It's sort of like seeing things through a View Master. Remember those? Two copies of the same image brought into focus that a singular three-dimensional image might be produced. His soul is still being brought into focus. And of course, we are doing all we can to facilitate that. His soul will be brought into focus, but there is navigating "the meantime."

I say all of this not to distract your attention from whatever is going on with my teeth, but to draw your attention to Paul's words in Ephesians 4:32:

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

This world is hard. Simple attributes like kindness and gentleness are at a premium. Especially when it comes to the way we treat the most vulnerable among us. And I'm not talking about all those grown folks that want to be victims, attaching themselves to labels and social media hashtags. But our babies, our children, our elderly, and yes, our women. Kindness brings the best of ourselves into focus. Kindness integrates those parts of us that are both sensitive and strong, creating a world where strength is found in the way we relate to one another and sensitivity is free to allow those relationships to exist. Kindness makes us all better and enables us all to thrive. Kindness is not some fragile, childish ideal, but it is power to love and the manifestation of God's Holy Spirit in a hard and unkind world.